Fade

Fade

Beauty fades.
Colors fade,
like the colors in your sweater
that bled in every wash,
but still left your scent
lingering in every fold.
I thought I'd found my better half,
turns out I was never broken.
You tried too hard to make me perfect,
and I'll never be perfect.
So now I'll let these flowers spill
onto the grave of our lost love.
The petals scatter in the wind,
like the fragments of poetry I tore into pieces.
But your picture
still brings me to tears,
even after all these years.

I don't think you know

I don't think you know

I don't think you know
how easily you make me smile.
When you're sitting on the other end
of a late-night phone call,
my face lights up with ever laugh
and I smile just to know
you're thinking of me.
I don't think you know
how easily you make me want
to live in a cliche,
corny, fairytale,
with you.

She just wants to fly away

She just wants to fly away

She just wants to fly away.
Everyday she prays,
God, give me wings
And let me fly away from here.
There’s a whole other world out there,
Some new patch of blue sky to explore,
So much better than this pavement I’m chained to.
Don’t leave me to die alone,
With these broken wings and crippled eyes.
I’m dying with every beat of my heart,
And all I want is to fly away.

Crying

Crying

Underneath the sweat,
Perspiration, bruised skin,
Falsehoods and lies,
Is a girl with beautiful eyes
Who smiles as she cries.

Silent and Cold

Silent and Cold

This room is silent and cold,
Like my heart is tonight.
No one’s caring,
I’m all alone once more
Freezing deep in my soul.
I wouldn’t blame you
If you never wanted to speak to me again,
I wouldn’t be surprised.
Honestly, what I did
Blew us apart so much.
It’s like there’s this huge gap,
So huge I can’t begin to fathom it,
A rift between us, keeping us apart.
I’ve ripped apart my own heart
Even though you were the one
Who should have been hurt.
Now you’re the one whose emotions are dead.
“I’m sorry” is a pointless saying,
It could never convey how truly I wish I could
Take back everything I said that night.
I wish things were normal
And not silent, and cold.

Stencil in Your Heart

Stencil in Your Heart

Stencil in your heart
With these plastic tears.
Wrap your soul in sheets of satin and tulle,
Lacy perfection lying beside you on the bed.
This is the end, isn’t it?
My heart is made of paper
And with every beat it tears apart,
So be gentle with it, please.
I twirl around in circles
Watching stars go flying by,
But everything below me is in slow-motion.
I’m falling apart.

Plastic Letters

Plastic Letters

These plastic letters don't mean anything,
these paper faces are just expressionless masks.
I'll stick those magnets to your wall
and spell out my message in neon colors.
"Hello, I'm your mind,
how's your heart been breaking?"
If I could dip my hands in finger paint
and smear them all over your face,
just to make you feel better about yourself,
you know I'd do it in a heartbeat.
So I stick those plastic letters to my wall
because I realize I've been talking to myself again.

Falsehood

Falsehood

You leave me with a smile
But it’s never real.
I can feel your betrayal,
With every beat of your heart it echoes.
I wish your emotion wasn’t so faked,
I wish you meant every word you said
But most especially “I love you”.
I want to take you in my arms
And just hold you through the night,
But honestly you don’t seem to want that.
You’re so superficial,
Even if you claim you’re not.
I guess I should paint you a picture
Of my reflection,
That seems to be what you love the most.

Tilt-O-Whirl

Tilt-O-Whirl

My life is like a Tilt-O-Whirl
Gone out of control.
The operator is nowhere in sight
And my lap bar’s broken,
So I guess I’m screwed.

Edge of Seventeen

Edge of Seventeen

Here I am,
Naïve and wide-eyed
And oh so ready for you to take me
Anywhere.
I’m coming into my own,
Finding new depths I never knew,
And I’m opening my eyes
For the first time.
Since I’ve been seventeen,
Nothing’s been the same.
I feel myself growing, changing,
Blossoming into something totally new.
There’s been more drama,
More rage and angst than before,
But I’ve gotten through it, somehow.
So here I am,
Inexperienced but so ready to learn.
Won’t you take me to the edge of seventeen?

Along for the Ride

Along for the Ride

I’m along for the ride
On your twisted Tilt-O-Whirl of angst,
Your creepy carousel I’ve feared.
You have no reasoning,
You have no compassion.
You’re so full of yourself,
Narcissistic,
Unrealistic.
You say you’re honest,
But I know you’re just scared and insecure.
So don’t call me immature,
Because I know I’m worthwhile
Even if you think I’m not.
You’re so robotic,
Such a sheep,
A follower.
I’m not one to bow down,
To follow meekly in your wake.
I am original,
Myself.
And you are afraid.

Ravish Me

Ravish Me

Break me
But don’t forsake me.
I need to know love
But no gentle flimsy thing,
Please.
I need strong, tough love,
Love that breaks down barriers
And destroys all doubt.
Love that rips through my soul like a tornado,
Tearing everything apart in its path.
I need a love that ravishes me,
Drives me to the brink of insanity
And leaves me panting on the floor.
Give me rapture,
Give me love.
Ravish me.

Label Me

Label Me

Paradox.
Enigma.
Freak.
Loser.
Outcast.
Athlete.
Poet.
Thinker.
Dreamer.
Artist.
Actress.
Drama queen.
Star.
Singer.
Punk.
Prep.
Goth.
Geek.
Fashionista.
Plastic.
Fake.
Bitter.
Twisted.
Gorgeous.
Ugly.
Crazy.
I am not what you label me.

Moshpit

Moshpit

Cramped.
Heat.
Body upon body,
Arm against arm
And back to front to back.
An empty Gatorade bottle is thrown
And someone yells out obscenities.
We pass tired people over our heads to the front,
They have a way out, we’re stuck.
Microphone feedback,
A drummer takes his seat.
The crowd surges forward.
I am pushed back and forth,
Swaying with the entire crowd,
Almost dragged under.
Our hands in the air
Forming rock on symbols and fists,
We jump in unison.

Night in the Field

Night in the Field

Spinning around in the rain,
Your hand caught mine
And the world stopped still.
We tumbled, laughing, to the grass,
You landing on top of me
And everything going in slow motion.
The night lit up with electricity
When you brushed your lips against mine.
And here we lay, hours gone by,
Sleeping in each other’s arms under the stars.
I trace your lips with my finger,
Your eyes flutter open
And you blink them hazily.
I smile at the sight
We don’t move an inch.

Plague

Plague

Your love is like the plague.
It leaves me choking,
Suffocating, gasping for breath
And I can’t escape your clutches.
Sometimes I can’t stand it
How your love closes in on me,
How every word you say
Makes me sick to my stomach.
You can’t see the trails of you on the outside,
There’s no marks to clue you in,
Just bruises and scars from days already gone by.
Your love infects me,
Infests me,
Burrows deep under my skin and refuses to leave.
You flow like poison through my veins,
Like a virus attacking my heart.
So if your love is like the plague,
Then I guess I’m doomed.

She hates her reflection.

She hates her reflection.

She hates her reflection.
The perfection frames her mirror,
Picture upon picture
Of model and actor and star,
All gorgeous, all fake.
She watches tears roll down
Already tear-stained cheeks,
Smearing eyeliner, melting away pretensions.
Another minute ticks by,
She’s lying
To herself, she’s no pinup girl
And she’s hating every minute of it.
Confidence? Nothing
Could be farther from the truth.
Another minute, and
She’s dying to be noticed.
A hand finds impetus,
Fingers curling into a fist
She hurtles toward the mirror.
Another minute gone,
She’s lying
On the floor her crumpled form
Amid the shards of glass.
Her eyes are so dull as
She reaches for a piece of glass and
Draws it carefully across her wrist,
So much amiss.
Here lies another “worthless” life
She won’t be missed.

Desolation

Desolation

Night falls on this desolate place,
there's nothing but moonlight and emptiness.
I'm crying but there's no one to catch my tears.
Do you not see she's dying?
She's lying...she's lying motionless on the ground,
and she's trying, she's trying to make it through.
But the tears fall like shards of glass
and she's tearing herself apart with every thought.
Twirling like a puppet on her strings,
she hangs her head and lets herself die.

The Religion of Love

The Religion of Love

Nothing is more powerful
Than the religion of Love.
No politics, no beliefs,
No sciences can surpass Love.
That which makes the heart beat faster,
The breath catch in the throat,
Is more dangerous
Than any illness.
The reaction of hands meeting,
Skin on skin,
The combustion from lips pressed together,
More outstanding than any discovery in science.
And the sound of your heartbeat beneath my ear,
More awe-inspiring than any poetry
I’ve ever read.

Shattered Soul

Shattered Soul

Lips curve upward,
Another smile faked
For the sake of normalcy.
Choke back those tears,
They’re threatening to spill all.
Keep your secrets deep inside,
Just keep parading that façade.
You swear it’s true,
I know it’s all a lie.
A fist smashes the mirror,
“you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful”
It’s never been true.
It cuts you from the inside.
But the blood trickling down knuckles distracts her,
And the feeling of being numb settles in.
Finally there’s some relief.
Collapsing to the floor,
She lets her body go
Watches from above
As the blood continues to flow.
Glass shards make no friendly advances.

Shattered

Shattered

Watching you walk away,
Hearing you break down,
Feeling your love leave me.
I’m shattered
There’s no other way to describe
My heart,
It withers.

Drama Queen

Drama Queen

Lights.
She steps out into the spotlight,
Blinded,
A smile on her ruby red lips.
Eyes, once downcasted,
Are now shining, full of light.
She’s ready.
The band begins
The queen’s taken the stage.

Girly-Girl

Girly-Girl

Check your compact.
Smack those shiny vinyl lips,
Curve them into a smile.
You’re beautiful.

Rainstorm

Rainstorm

Vague sound of rain,
Patters down on the sidewalk
In front of my feet,
Making little puddles I try to avoid.
I sidestep them like I sidestep you.
Once I danced through that rain,
Enjoying the cool feel of the drops in my hair.
I caught rain in my hands,
Tilted back my head under raindrops
Sliding down my throat.
But now – I run for cover,
Dashing from awning to awning
Trying to avoid you.
Your accusations fall on my like raindrops from a cloud,
Like hail or sleet,
Like lightning flashing in your eyes.
I never wanted it this way, you know.
But now I’m left running from your rainstorm,
Hands over my head,
Umbrella-less.

Rainbow (My Personal Statement)

Rainbow
(This poem was my original Personal Statement for college apps but I had to change it. Now I post it here.)

Rainbows have no beginning and no end,
an unexpected surprise from above
delighting us with their colors.
They are never the same,
different to everyone who beholds them.
Every time you see a rainbow
it’s unique.
You can’t touch a rainbow,
you can’t reach behind one.
They are light,
existing only in the eyes of those
who see them.
I am a rainbow.
No one sees me the same as you do,
I am unique to all who behold me.
You only see what you want to see,
sometimes only individual colors.
But I am not just red, just orange,
just yellow or green,
just blue or indigo or violet.
There is a rainbow that nobody knows,
a rainbow you can’t touch,
can’t see behind or around.
It has no end,
it stretches on forever.

Orange is my façade.
Student trying to do my best
Daughter trying to please
Friend sharing secrets and laughter.
Face in the crowd,
Identity guarded.
Face veiled in secrecy.

Yellow is my joy.
Writing that flows
without barriers.

Indigo.
Girls just wanna have fun.
Falling at the mall,
Face hurting from laughing,
Inside jokes.
Random, spontaneous
people I hang with.
Sing like no one’s listening.

Violet.
Unconditional love.
Eyes like open doors
into an animal’s soul.

Blue.
Waking to rain, inspiration fleeting.
Teardrop reflections,
Open my eyes to blackness.
Pressure
weighing on my mind.
Fear of walking out my door.
Nothing as simple
as it used to be.

Green
Insecurity, jealousy,
Gossip, afraid,
Angry, shy,
Impatient, death,
Thunderstorms, scary movies,
Depression,
Rejection.

Red.
The girl in the glimmering gown,
Fearless,
Confident.
At home with the bright lights,
when nothing else matters.
Just me and the audience,
No regrets.

Maybe you’ve never seen it.
It’s only there
when the lights shine brightly,
when I’m blinded
and everyone’s eyes are on me.
When I step onto the stage,
and my true colors shine,
and my essence is there
made up of all those colors,
those colors that make me whole.

Porcelain

Porcelain

Under this porcelain skin
lies everything you'll never see.
Behind these eyes is every secret
I will never spill.
See thru, see thru,
here's my blood pumping again
through my paper thin skin.
My wings are crumpled kites
I fall from the sky,
heartbroken.
I bruise easily,
under this porcelain skin.

Isolation, Night

Isolation, Night

Night fell like it often does.
Stars shone as usual,
The moon glowed, unfortunately.
I sat in my tree and watched
Reflections in the lake flicker.
The sidewalks are empty now
And I am isolated, alone.
It is now that I am at peace,
Now that you are farthest from my mind.

Kite

Kite

I would give you paper wings,
If I could, and let you soar
High above me.
I’d keep you on a string like a kite,
Cut the string and you float away.
Would you stay?
If you had your freedom
Would you leave me behind,
So fast – I’d be left spinning in your wake?
I hope its not so,
I hope you’d stay of your own accord.
But i think, if a stiff breeze blew through,
You’d jump at the chance to fly,
So high, away.
You’d leave me chasing behind,
Running in circles.

After Me

After Me

Smothered.
Empty.
Blank.
Lonely.
Darkness closes in.
I cry out to an empty sky,
Devoid of stars
As night drops its shades.
I have no time
To stop and chat.
The time ticks by so quickly.
Nothing is after me,
Everything is after me.

Dreary Day

Dreary Day

This day is so dreary,
This life is so empty.
The sky threatens rain,
Clouds heavy and dull above.
I’m lonelier than ever,
Depressed and down.
Absence of blue sky
Reminds me of you. Why?
There’s no reason
To go on pretending anymore,
Is there?
But I have to.
I have to put on my vacant expression,
Smile as if I don’t care
But I do.
Why do you break me so?
I’m wilting under your neglect
Like a rose withers without proper care.
You cannot save me
Do not try.

Just Another Day

Just Another Day

So I woke up today,
I guess that’s a start
Isn’t it.
I went through the motions,
Robotically going about my day.
I sat through classes,
I wrote, I talked,
Laughed, apologized.
It was all fake.
I failed a test, I know,
I know I failed.
I ate, fed this body,
To keep it going
But couldn’t solve the hunger of my soul.
Everything today just felt –
Wrong.
It all felt wrong.
Since Friday dawned,
Gorgeous and bright and brilliant,
Shattered suddenly by the words
“She didn’t make it.”
Just like that you were gone.
And you’ve left us here
To carry on, to go through the motions,
Robots in the clockwork of life
Never changing, moving on.
I dedicate this poem to you,
Melancholy and ordinary
Just another day,
Just another day
Without you.

The ABC’s of Losing You

The ABC’s of Losing You

Any day but today, it would
Be so simple for me.
Can you understand?
Do you see where I’m coming from?
Everything I this world makes me
Fall again. It’s like
God’s got some other plan,
He’s working on it, well,
I sure hope he is.
Jessica, I hope you’re smiling now,
Kindly, radiantly. If you are, I’m sure it’s
Lighting up the entire breadth of Heaven.
Maybe you can read this as I write,
Now you’ll smile at my sentiment
Or laugh at my foolishness.
Perhaps you’re angry with us
Quite, because we’re not moving on.
Really, we’re trying, but everyone seems
Stuck in the empty black hole you’ve left behind in our hearts.
Tell me, why’d you have to go so soon?
Until I see you again I’ll be,
Very replete with every memory,
With every smile we shared, every laugh.
X marks this spot – your grave, but
You’re not in there anymore. You’re the wind, the
Zephyr in the sky, watching over us.

“Death Will Be a Very Big Adventure”

“Death Will Be a Very Big Adventure”

I guess life goes on.
I guess the pain fades.
But when?
It seems like it will go on
Forever.
Forever hurting,
Always mourning.
You, with your angel wings,
Are flying high above us
Watching over us now.
I wish we could reach up to Heaven
And bring you back down.
But I guess –
“Death will be a very big adventure.”

Without You

Without You

Without you –
The sun shines,
The dawn breaks,
The sky’s blue,
The clouds move.
Without you –
The breeze blows,
The leaves fall,
The waves crash,
The stars shine.
Without you –
The world turns,
The seasons change,
The days fly,
Your friends cry.
Without you –
The darkness grows,
The river flows,
The eagles cry,
The lovers sigh.
Life goes on,
Though you’re gone.
But I die –
Without you.

Waiting Regrets

Waiting Regrets

I’ve got regrets,
Things I should have said,
Stuff that resounds in my head.
There’s stuff I wish I could take back,
Things I said to you
Things I thought about.
But you’re to blame as well,
You are.
If you cut me, I bleed.
You hit me, I bruise.
Break my heart,
I shatter.
I can’t bear to go on without you.
Leave me broken,
Waiting…
I’m still standing in the same place
And the earth is slowly turning.

I Guess This Means I’m Alive

I Guess This Means I’m Alive

Waves crash
On this endless ocean
Of my mind.
I try to escape the blackness
But it envelops me.
I press my hand to my heart,
Just to feel the beat.
Like a paper-winged angel
It floats through my veins.
Under my pale skin, my pulse beats.
I guess this means I’m alive.

Dear Jess -

Dear Jess -

Dear Jess –
I woke up today,
I’m grateful that I did.
I know there could be so much more
Worse things than what I’ve been dealt.
I thought of you
And still this all seems so unreal.
I can’t believe I’ll never
See your beautiful smile again,
Not until I walk through those pearly gates,
That is.
I can’t imagine your mother’s grief,
Though I witnessed it on Sunday.
We miss you, girl,
We always will.
You shouldn’t be gone.
18 years, my god,
You were just so young
It’s just so wrong.
Why you? Why now?
I guess God has bigger plans.
I hope you’re watching us,
I know you are.
You’re up there in Heaven,
Chilling with God,
Watching us all mourn
And telling us to get on with our lives.
Jess – we love you,
You should still be here,
But you’re not
And the world is empty without you,
Dark without the light of your smile,
Cold without the warmth of your heart.
It might seem silly to write to you
But need to
Cuz I still need you.
You took me under your wing,
Lost soul that I was,
And helped me to flourish.
You helped me learn to fly.
Now you’re the one flying,
Holding us all in your angel’s grasp
And smiling that magnificent smile of yours.

For Jessica

For Jessica

You lived your life one step at a time,
Lived for the moment
And never looked back.
Are you looking back on us now?
I’d like to think you can hear us
When we’re talking to you still,
When we’re cursing God for stealing you away.
When they told us, I was numb,
Then sad, depressed, angry at everything.
I sat in my chair and waited til everyone else was gone
But the pain didn’t come.
I held my friends while they sobbed
But the tears didn’t come.
But yesterday, standing in the crowd of your friends and family,
Gathered around that hole in the ground
Watching your mother break down when she saw your coffin,
I lost it, Jess, I lost it.
I found my tears, my heart broke.
And when I think about it, it all seems so unfair,
So unreal.
Why you? Why now?
You hadn’t even begun to live,
But you changed all our lives
In the short time we were blessed with your presence.
You helped me find my wings,
And now I know God has given you yours.

Dedication

Dedication

For Jess:

I know it's not the time,
I know it's not the place.
I just can't understand
how I'll never again see your face.
It all seems so unreal,
like we're trapped in some nightmare.
But I want you to know
that we will always care.
You taught us all how to love,
how to laugh and how to give.
You loved unconditionally,
and you really knew how to live.
God knew how very special you were,
that you were an unbelievable girl.
And that's why he took you
to hang out with him in his world.
I know you're smiling down at us
from up in Heaven above.
Jessica, thank you
for showing us all how to love.

R.I.P. Jessica Kaufman9/23/87 - 11/17/05

Under My Skin Now

Under My Skin Now

It feels like the sky is closing in.
I feel like I’m trapped
In this thing called life,
And sometimes I just want
So much to escape.
But I can’t.
That’d be too easy, right?

I’ve built my castles in the sky,
But out of the blue
They’ve tumbled down around me.

Chorus –
It’s under my skin now,
This feeling that I’ll never get out.
It’s deep within my soul now,
I’m drowning in insecurity.
I’ve never felt so strong
About a life that never mattered.
Will it ever matter?

And will I lose my dignity?
Will I suffocate inside
This box I feel I’m trapped in?
I need to find a way out,
And for once I don’t think
You’re the way.

I’ve built my castles in the sky,
But out of the blue
They’ve tumbled down around me.

Chorus –
It’s under my skin now,
This feeling that I’ll never get out.
It’s deep within my soul now,
I’m drowning in insecurity.
I’ve never felt so strong
About a life that never mattered.
Will it ever matter?

Pick up the broken pieces of my soul,
Shatter this superficial life.
Beat me to the punch, please,
Before this rally in my mind
Slaps me in the face again.
Set me free please,
Set me free.

Chorus –
It’s under my skin now,
This feeling that I’ll never get out.
It’s deep within my soul now,
I’m drowning in insecurity.
I’ve never felt so strong
About a life that never mattered.
Will it ever matter?

Birch Wood

Birch Wood

Life is like a pathless wood,
A dark dank musty forest
Full of gloom at evening fall.
Every tree seems menacing
At this time of night.
It’s depressing how night makes you think
Things are jumping out at you,
That eyes glow in the dark
And sounds magnify in your eardrums.
This birch is like a pendulum,
Like time swinging back and forth
Until the ice bends it down to stay.
So time may never right itself,
Like a bent down birch tree
Under heavy ice,
Bent down into submission.
Maybe we’re all just bent over
Under the continuing weight of the world.
Don’t be easily swayed
You are stronger than the slight birch trees.

Childhood Memories: A Series

Childhood Memories: A Series

Playing Football in the Street

The hard thwack
Of worn out pigskin,
Cradled in our hands.
A guttural yell,
Tackle.
I remember sitting on the trunk
Of my dad’s car,
Keeping score in my head
But mostly just cheering.
The exclamation of “car!” would send us scrambling,
Only to reassemble in seconds and keep on playing
Until dusk fell down upon our shoulders,
And suddenly watchful parents called us home
From open doors and windows.
One more pass,
And then goodbye
Time for homework, dinner, sleep –
Until tomorrow’s game.


Slip N Slide

One hot sticky summer
My mother bought us a Slip N Slide,
Which turned out to be a bad idea.
She couldn’t tear us away from it.
Long days spent running around
Clad in just our bathing suits,
Ignoring the cries of bedtime from our parents.
We slid with such force that only the grass could stop us.
One night we stayed out in the rain,
Fully clothed, twirling,
Holding each other’s hands
And just feeling alive.


Losing My Innocence

I was 11 or 12.
We watched the Backstreet Boys on TV,
Kissing the screen where our favorites stood.
You told me about “grown up things”
Like kissing and boys and sex,
And we laughed about it
While singing along to “I Swear”
And pretending to play the piano.
I didn’t know, I didn’t know,
That soon after I would stand in that same bedroom
In the arms of my other best friend,
My next door neighbor,
And feel his lips on mine
And find myself losing my innocence.


Bicycle

Dad – you never taught me
To ride a bicycle.
After my friend lost control
And smashed my training wheels,
I lost interest.
You didn’t push it.
Years later you would push me
Down hills and try to teach.
It was too late.
I never learned.


Marco Island

Piling into the car
On hot sticky Friday afternoons,
Packed in with suitcases
I was excited.
I knew that meant Marco Island
And a weekend getaway from life.
Marco Island.
Driving over the bridge,
Searching for the familiar sights
Of lit up angels at Christmastime
And the majestic welcome sign.
Sleeping in the living room of our condo,
Running down the walkway to the pool,
To watch the elderly lady
Who swam each day with an empty water jug
Clutched in her hand.
That pool where I lurched and dove,
Where I learned to swim
And swatted away horseflies.
The movie theater where we sat at high tables
And munched on nachos.
The little shop where I bought various trinkets,
And the lady behind the counter knew my name
And pointed out the latest Sanrio items.
I stayed out on the beach day after day,
My hair turning gold from the sun.
In that small town where every shopkeeper knew and loved me,
Where the restaurants knew exactly what your “usual” was,
And we bought every beanie baby around back then in 1 day.
Life was slow and gorgeous,
Rolling on like the green-blue waves
Breaking against the bow of the boat we rented,
Ducking our heads under low bridges.
When big adventure was running to storage
And being able to unlock the door by myself,
When love was falling asleep in the car
With my head on your shoulder
And sharing sweet sticky popsicles
In the summer heat.
We sat at the bar at Snook Inn
And listened to the guitarists play.
Marco Island.


Fishing

Remember when –
We fished off of Marco with our fathers?
We caught, and caught, and caught
Fish with open flapping mouth,
Huge heavy catfish flopping on the deck.
You and I, two best friends,
We brought in 10, 15, more!
And our fathers caught nothing
All the hours we drifted.
We threw every fish back.


Fish Hook

You swung the pole,
The line a perfect arch
Flying out behind you.
A flick of the wrist,
You casted it forward
But it never hit the water.
Instead, I watched in horror
Slow motion,
As it flew forward
And stuck in the back of your neck.
You didn’t notice in time,
Pulling it forward with the momentum.
It ripped a clean gash.
I’ll never forget how silent you were,
Or how loud your mother screamed.

Mother’s Choice

Mother’s Choice

The first night I held my baby in my arms
Was also the last.
For just a few moments
I gazed into her eyes,
Kissed her forehead
And whispered “I love you”
Before they spirited her away.
I watched the nurse’s back
So white and cold and clinical,
Unforgiving, unloving.
Two white arms grasping my little girl,
Taking her away forever.
Watched as the door swung shut,
To the sound of her crying
For nurturing I’d never give.
Watching through the window
As she’s handed off to someone new.
A new pair of arms to enfold her and keep her warm.
Hands to dry tears,
Mend scraped knees,
Unpack a college dorm room.
Thing’s I’ll never do for her.
This is my choice,
Regret or not –
I can’t take back.
I watch her disappear.

Halfway Decent Sinners

Halfway Decent Sinners

Awkward silence.
Eyes locked,
Skin burning.
You’re too close to me
I can’t breathe like this.
Hands grasp for purchase,
Your lips are warm
Against mine.
Here in the darkness,
We’re halfway decent sinners.
Almost too far
Wrapped in your arms,
We’re closer than ever.

Creative Together

Creative Together

Creativity.
River flowing.
Thoughts float
Through my mind,
Like flower petals
Blown apart by the breeze.
You catch my hair between your fingers
And twirl it slowly.
You are inspiration I form,
You are love reincarnate.
I spill thoughts of you,
Like miniscule black ants
They march in line.
I reach for your hand
And trace poetry into your palm.
Tomorrow I might regret
But tonight,
We’ll be creative
Together.

Inexperiences

Inexperiences

I’m still learning
So be patient with me.
We’ll overcome our inexperience
One thing at a time,
One kiss at a time,
One touch.
Hold me now
Cuz I’m scared of life,
Of living without you.

Tell Me it’s Real

Tell Me it’s Real

I just want to be
The voice inside your head.
I just want to be
The song you sing, always.
I want some kind of devotion,
Some kind of sign
That you still feel the same way.
Is it for real?
Tell me it’s real…
Or leave me be.
If we tried this could work,
So why aren’t we trying?
What’s so wrong with me
That you feel the need
To not say how you feel,
To ignore me?
If this passes us by
It’s never coming back.
Baby I don’t want to end it
Cuz this is so good for me,
But it’s so bad for me.
Tell me it’s real
Or let it slip away.

In the Dark

In the Dark

Is it not so fucking obvious
That I love you?
Do you really not care?
Are you just pretending?
Have you always been pretending?
Don’t you know –
You can tell me anything
And I’ll understand.
Just don’t leave me in the dark.
The dark is the worst,
I stumble and I fall
And no one’s there to catch me,
Cuz you’re
Never
There.

Forget Me

Forget Me

Forget tomorrow,
Forget today,
Forget right now.
Don’t remember this moment
Because this moment doesn’t really mean anything anyhow.
Did it ever mean anything?
Maybe it once did to you,
But now you ignore me.
I thought you were different
But you’re just like the rest.
I feel like I’m losing myself,
Like I’m living a fucking lie.
You want everything I’m not
So go find someone who is all that,
Cuz I’m just fed up.
It’s so messed up.
Just forget me,
It’s easy.

Torn from the Inside Out (My secret confessions)

Torn from the Inside Out

I’m an emotional wreck.
I’m depressing,
Antisocial,
I cant express myself
The words always come out wrong.
I’m awkward,
Obnoxious,
Loud,
Overly emotional.
I can’t cry when I need to
And I cry when I can’t afford to.
I overreact over little things.
I’m a liar
I do stupid things.
I regret too much of my life.
I don’t trust easily.
I fall too hard too fast
And then doubt myself.
I have a need to be loved
And an inferiority complex.
I say I don’t care what other people think of me,
But I’m really insecure
And people’s comments hurt me deep inside.
I hate distance.
I hate ignorance.
But I distance myself from my emotions
And ignore my heart.
I wish I could just cry and let it all out,
But I can’t.
I don’t think I deserve real love,
I fake my life everyday.
I lie, I lie, I lie.
I pretend I’m not afraid of death,
But I am.
I’m too opinionated sometimes
And I worry that people don’t like me because of it.
I wish I could be totally carefree
But the voices in my head won’t let me.
I’m more insane than anyone truly knows.
I have multiple personalities,
ADD, OCD, and schizophrenia,
But they are all undiagnosed
And I wouldn’t fix it if I could.
I wash my hands compulsively,
I get upset if every little detail of my life
Isn’t exactly what or where it should be.
I have crazy mood swings.
I’m dangerous to myself,
Especially when I’m depressed.
Sometimes I still cut to ease the pain,
Even though I assure my friends I don’t,
And I’m not trying to stop myself either.
I lie to my parents, my friends, my family.
I trust very few people in my life,
And even that trust is questionable sometimes.
I am not okay.

Happy Endings

Happy Endings

I’m not afraid of happy endings,
I’m just worried my life
Won’t work out that way.
Life is no Disney movie.
Life is no friend.
It’s more like a snake,
Venomous, sinuous,
Slippery,
Vicious.
It wraps itself around your throat
And squeezes.

Break

Break

I am not your paper doll,
I am not your property.
I’m not made of glass
I won’t break if you touch me.
But treat me right and gentle,
And mean it when you say “I love you”.
Cuz I only have one heart,
And if you break it where will I turn?

Non Role Model

Non Role Model

You look up to me?
Are you somehow mad
To think I’m a role model?
Believe me, the grass ain’t always greener
On the other side of the fence.
And you’ll never know
What sadness there is behind these eyes,
Or how I sometimes wish to sleep
And never awaken.

Young Innocence

Young Innocence

Years ago when we were young,
We only worried about what games we’d play next.
The worst hurt was a scraped knee
Not a broken heart.
We dressed up on Halloween
To choruses of “how cute”,
Not “aren’t you too old for this?”
Back then, you could sleep
At anyone’s house without your parents getting worried.
We lived for carnivals, weekends,
Field trips and playground visits.
We chased the boys –
Now the boys chase us.
Innocence was once real,
Until the day he kissed me in my room
And opened my eyes to a whole new world.
And now its gone forever.

So This is Love

So This is Love

You're so far away from me now,
I can't hear your heart
but I hope it's beating in time with mine.
When I'm with you the rest of the world just fades away,
blurring and disappearing
and leaving nothing but you and your eyes,
speaking multitudes to mine.
I love when we don't have to speak
and I love when we do.
Without you was like an endless stream of loneliness
I could not escape.
I was drowning but you extended a hand,
pulled me back from the abyss.
So this is love?
It feels amazing.

Reflections on Death

Reflections on Death

What is death?
I don’t understand
It any more than I ever have.
I know I’m dying,
Everyday, we’re all dying,
Slow as molasses.
We move on,
Slow shadows on the face of a giant clock,
Our planet,
Spinning through the solar system.
Death is not my worst fear,
Being nothing would be worse,
Just going through the motions.
This world is dying, slowly, with us.
It’s fading, everyday disappearing,
Part by part.
Don’t let the thought of death consume you.
But don’t let everyone tell you that you’re insane,
Because you think on death.
We’re all dying,
The branches bend and snap and break,
Skies turn gray
Full with mourning for the world
Dying.
The television blares news
Of children dying and countries shaken.
How can we not think on death
When death surrounds us?
Before you were born where were you?
Do not fear nothing
Because you’ve been nothing before,
When you were not.
Do not cry death,
Because the sun comes up each morning
And chases away the darkness.
It will always do this
Until the day it explodes
And sends the world spinning.
But do not worry on that,
We’ll be long gone.
Death will come sooner
And spirit our cares away.

Monopoly

Monopoly

Your life goes by,
Like a Monopoly game played by God.
Roll the dice, move you around,
You win some lose some
End up in jail.
House hotel property.
Then – death.

No Religion in Death

No Religion in Death

There is no religion in death,
No virtue.
What God would snap your neck,
Slit your throat
And then smile and nod at his work?
Maybe life is hopeless.

Into Death

Into Death

At the instant of death,
You’ll know where your soul
Will rest forever.
Peaceful death means Heaven,
Struggle means the devil holds you.
Hold a mirror to your face
To check your breathing.
We wouldn’t want you
Clawing at the inside of your coffin,
Slowly suffocating until
You slip slowly into madness.
Into death.

When You Died

When You Died

When you died
Your face was peaceful.
I cried but you were silent,
Like you’ll always be, now.
Your hands are folded
But then they were flung,
Opposing angles to your body.
Your eyes are closed
But before, oh before,
They were like shallow pools of long-dead water.
But someone’s closed them for you.
You’re dressed in your Sunday best,
Someone gussied you up but good.
Earlier your clothes were ragged,
Torn and ripped with flesh exposed.
They sewed you up,
The places where your bones showed through,
Where your blood had spilt.
Your body was so damaged,
But when you died
Your face was peaceful.

Avoiding Life

Avoiding Life

You can go through life afraid,
Shying from your shadow
And avoiding the night.
But everyone will fade,
Eventually,
And none of us knows when or how.
So shrinking from the sunlight
Will not keep you safe.
Everyone dies.

No Control

No Control

We have no control,
Over being born into a society
That’s cold and unreceptive,
Unaccepting.
We have no control over our deaths,
Forces over which we are powerless.
We have no control over everyone around us,
Their thoughts, their actions.
We have no control over fate,
Over sunrise, sunset.
We have no control over so much in our lives.
But we do have control,
Over love.

Suicide

Suicide

Hands that once worked
Alongside mine, busy with life,
Lay still now, bloodstained.
I hear you gasp for breath,
Your heart beat slowing
With each beat pumping
Your precious life blood.
I try to stem your bleeding,
Cover your wrists with my fingers
And grip tightly,
Willing life back into your veins.
Eyes flutter open, closed,
Lock onto mine.
I press my lips to your forehead,
You shake your head and then lie still.
My screams echo off the sky,
But you are gone.

How Old is Darkness?

How Old is Darkness?

How old is darkness?
It scares me to realize
Our fleeting existence could be no more,
Than charcoal drawings on obsidian.
Our marks might go unnoticed,
Our candles burn out silent
As the world stands motionless
And then crashes down
Around us.

Painted Perfection

Painted Perfection

I painted you perfection
On your bathroom mirror.
My mind and soul were tired
Of listening to you hate yourself,
And my hands took the matter and ran with it.
So today you’ll wake and rub your sleepy eyes,
Stumble from your bed to find
That you can reach out and touch perfection.
Your portrait.

In the Night

In the Night

My lip-gloss is gone
And my eyeliner’s run,
But still you lift my chin and whisper
“You’re beautiful” in my ear.
I tangle my fingers in your hair,
Never wanting to ever let go
But knowing this night will end.
Our minds spin around
Like the wheels on a toy car,
Hearts beat in sync faster.
I close my eyes and breathe you in
But when I open them,
You are gone.

The Difference Between Right & Wrong

The Difference Between Right & Wrong

Outcast in a land of pretty things,
I can’t fly with these broken wings.
Love isn’t always a song,
When the walls you’ve built up are so strong.
It’s hard to let you in,
Hard to open my heart and not defend.
But I want to face you unguarded,
I don’t want your efforts to be thwarted.
I don’t care how much it hurt it will cause,
If loneliness ensues it’ll pass because –
I’d rather be wrong with you
Than be right without you.

Warning

Warning

This is my warning to you.
It’s the last one you get,
So listen up for once.
I am opinionated,
If you break my heart
You will heart about it,
All of it.
I’m not delicate
I won’t break if you touch me,
Don’t be gentle and always respectful.
I am unique
And I won’t change my soul
Just to be with you.
If I can’t be myself around you,
I’d rather be alone
Than pretend to be someone I’m not.
And remember – this heart
Beats for no one but you,
This smile is on my lips because of you,
And I’ll never stop loving you
No matter what happens.

Broken Heart Bleeding

Broken Heart Bleeding

I open my hands
And let my broken heart pieces spill.
They clatter to the floor
And cover your clean rug.
I’m sorry that my soul is bleeding.
Like silken scarves the blood runs
From my wrists and down my sides.
I’m sorry I thought this was the answer.
Weeks later and I’m still hiding the scars
But days go by and soon they’ll fade,
And he’ll never know.

Conversations

Conversations

Early morning – phone rings.
You pour your heart out,
I listen.
The world moves slowly
And my feet are firmly planted.

Nothing Special

Nothing Special

I’m no string of pearls,
No shiny jewel lying silent in the dirt,
Waiting to be discovered.
I can’t look in the mirror and say
“You’re precious”
Or “you’re rare”.
I don’t think I am,
I never have.
So I write to let my feelings out,
Wear too much black eyeliner,
Act like a walking contradiction,
Stand out too much to ever fit in.
But I’m still just another candle
On the altar of life,
Sometimes lighting up the darkness
And sometimes just burning in the daylight,
Useless.

Don’t Sleep So Sound

Don’t Sleep So Sound

Don’t sleep so sound tonight
Because I want to be your dream,
Your nightmare.
I want your troubled mind
To piece together this ragged puzzle
I call my heart.
Without you it’s incomplete,
With you it’s never finished
But always just right.
This city’s the same without you in it,
But my heart isn’t.
Every beat says “I miss you”
And every breath tears me apart.
So don’t sleep so sound without me,
I need to know you’re haunted too.

Self-Portrait

Self-Portrait

My goal was, I’ll admit,
To paint a self-portrait
Of the person inside me,
Something introspective and beautiful
With the worst parts hidden away.
Instead I found mistrust,
Dishonesty, fear, self-consciousness, doubt.
And when I was done I realized –
That is what’s inside me.

Madness

Madness

He’s not sure what he’s feeling,
But she takes his hand and whispers
“We’re all mad in our own way”
As she leads him to the bed.
She explores the labyrinth of his mind,
Watches filmstrips of memory go by in his eyes.
She sees herself through his view
Stripped of all her identity and misconceptions
Another broken soul lost in the dance.
He draws her a fairytale castle,
White and invisible, on a piece of paper
Before he tears it in half.
Neither knows what they’re looking for,
But both will find out tonight.
Both begin again.

Aftermath

Aftermath

Trees stand barren
Against a gray sky.
There’s nothing left that’s green,
Or very little.
I steer my car around a pile of branches
Lying dormant in the street.
A truck hauls them away,
Leaving my neighborhood empty.
Leaving my heart empty.

Charmbracelet

Charmbracelet

I wish I could wear you
Like a charm on my bracelet,
Dangling close to my heartbeat when I sleep.
I wish I could feel your presence near me when I close my eyes,
But time after time all I feel
Is sad and lonely.
I want to be the beat of your heart
So you’ll know I’m always there,
Or the tears that you cry
With the emotion you don’t show me.
I just need you to know that I need you,
That I need you to need me
Like you don’t seem to do.
So here,
Wear my love like a locket ‘round your throat,
I hope you choke on it
Like all the words you’ve never said.

My Vampire

My Vampire

His lips are pale and cold,
His kiss is like fire on my throat.
And he traces my reflection
With his fingernail,
Though his is invisible beside me.
But I feel his breath on my neck,
Even as I sleep.
He wraps his arms around my waist
And sings his song into my ear,
About death and life and blood and love
And he promises me eternity,
Black roses and immortality,
A pair of wings to lift me high.
He pledges to love me all the days
Of our immortal lives,
As he pierces my neck
And the world explodes underneath me.
I open my eyes,
Then I am alive.

Inspired

Inspired

Flash of light.
Rainbow,
Rain.
Wind.
Tears.
Lace.
Romance.
Smiles.
Laughter.
Lonely.
My fan blades spin around.
I write snippets of poetry,
Cross out,
Start over.
My mind’s in overdrive
At 1:03 am I am
Inspired.

Alone/Together

Alone

Alone.
Feels like red hot needles on bar skin.
Burns.
Rips my heart apart
And leaves me bleeding.
Sounds like an empty echo
Of a faltering heartbeat.
My heart’s slowly stopping,
It’s no longer beating for you.
Alone.
Tastes like – regret.

Together

Together.
Feels like hands wrapping around my throat,
Cutting off my air.
Chokes.
Squeezes the life out of me
And leaves me cold and gasping.
Sounds like my breathing slows
With every rise and fall,
I’m dying.
Together.
Feels like – dying.

Contradicting You

Contradicting You

You make me feel so blue,
You make me feel so beautiful.
I don’t understand, I’m so torn.
I can’t go on in the in between
Cuz it’s always been all or nothing with me.
But I can feel my beliefs changing
Because I’m not ready to give you up,
It still feels like home to me.
So – good morning,
And welcome to my walking contradictions,
My life with you.

Paper Tigers

Paper Tigers

My thoughts are paper tigers
That stalk me in my sleep.
I try to block them out,
But every minute you don’t call
They get more and more restless.
I wear them like a bracelet on my wrist,
But they’re more like shackles
And I’m never free.
My tigers have betrayed me.
They keep telling me things I don’t want to know
And laughing at my fears.
I know it’s irrational to believe
That we’re going to work it out completely,
That my thoughts will ever settle down.
They make me restless with worry.
Every moment I’m not with you,
The tigers are telling me you’re with someone else,
And you’re not thinking of me at all.
I’ll pounce on my thoughts
And silent their roars.

Torn Inside

Torn Inside

Everybody just wants love,
But I don’t want to be anyone.
Love can lave you high and dry,
The words just never come easy
But the let down does.
As my dream dies,
Here on sweltering pavement
Choking on its own disguise,
I write these simple words
To let you know you’re not alone,
No one’s ever really alone.
But yet again I know my words ring empty,
And my tears are the only truth
That’s left beating in our hearts.
Because this thing between us,
Has been going downhill for so long,
Ever since the day you kissed my cheek
And said we were “together”.
So I guess everything I hoped for
Is now everything I’ve lost,
Cuz the one thing that I wanted
Is the one thing that causes me pain.

Slip Away

Slip Away

I don’t know myself
And I’ve only just realized it.
You’ve got me questioning
Everything I understood before,
And it’s making me wonder:
What is real?
It’s like everything else is so inconsequential,
Like life is so much more…complicated.
If I fall would you catch me?
And will this ever go any further?
I feel like we’re stuck
And I know:
The things that we’re blind to slip away.
Don’t let me slip away…

Sometimes life just…

Sometimes life just…

Sometimes life just makes you want to
Slit your wrists and end it all.
Like when you’re alone feeling cold,
And waiting up all night for the call
That never comes.
When your world is nothing but rain,
Nothing but gray skies
And teardrops pouring down.
Yet sometimes life makes you want to dance,
When your vision’s full of butterflies and rainbows,
Sunshine and glee.
When everything is right and life’s a song.
But what about when you’re in between?
That’s when you feel left out,
Nervous, anxious, comfortable,
Calm, angry, upset, emotional, confused.
That’s when your feelings are all jumbled
And words just don’t come out right.
That’s when I truly feel alive.

Song of You

Song of You

I feel you like a song
Rushing through my veins,
Like you’re the melody of my life.
How could we go for so long without this?
How did I survive without the knowledge
Of all that you do?
My life seems like a darkened shadow before I met you.
I couldn’t have imagined that life could be this good.
But now you’re the song,
Now you’re inside every part of me.

You Looked So Beautiful

You Looked So Beautiful

You looked so beautiful the day you died.
Your cheeks were rosy,
Your smile so bright
That anyone who saw it couldn’t doubt
That all must be right in the world.
And yet there was so much that wasn’t.
Your eyes shone – wet, gleaming,
Reflecting my own face back at me
As you danced in the morning dew.
Dear child, would could have known
That your laugh would ever fade?
Passerby stopped to stare
At your still form in the grass,
As we labored to breathe life back into you.
Your eyes were lifeless the,
No longer dancing in the fading light.
Something was already missing within you,
Yet you’d been drifting from us for awhile,
Parts of you slipping away, unnoticed:
A misplaced laugh,
A sudden stupor like a light switch
Being flipped inside your brain.
They said you weren’t there
But I know you never left us,
Not even as we pressed your chest
Hoping, beyond all hope,
that it might rise and fall on its own again.
DOA they said
As tears slipped down my cheeks
And fell onto your faded ones.
DOA.
You looked so beautiful the day you died.
But on that day,
My heart died with you.

Souls Without Names

Souls Without Names

Lost with no hope of being whole,
Or even being human.
Faces that will never smile,
Never laugh and never cry.
Eyes that will never blink in glaring sunlight.
Hands that will never hold another’s.
Little hearts that will never love
Once their beating slows and stops.
A life never lived,
Love never loved.
Souls that will never experience joy
Or loss or pain or cheer.
Souls that will drift forever,
Nameless.

Pieces

Pieces

Crash.
Shatter.
My broken heart lies in pieces on the floor.
Silent pain washes over me.
I turn my eyes skyward,
And pray for rain.

Broken Heart

Broken Heart

I feel the blood pulsing through my veins,
It pumps against my cheek where my wrist is held.
I know that should make me feel alive,
But today it doesn’t.
Today I’m feeling dead to the world.
My emotions are locked away today,
And my broken heart is hidden
Behind my sad brown eyes.
I know you can’t see it,
And I know you’re probably not even
Thinking of me.
So my broken heart’s still beating,
And somehow I still need you.

Love Hurts

Love Hurts

Love hurts.
It just hurts.
A dull, throbbing, aching pain
Somewhere in my chest,
Behind the ribs.
It’s something I can’t get rid of,
No matter how hard I try.
And with every day that goes by
It gets worse.
Every heartbeat seems to tear me up a little more inside.
Every beat says to me –
“Love, love, love”, and
“Pain, pain, pain”.
I can’t go on like this,
Honestly I can’t.
It’s almost too much to bear.

Epic Romance

Epic Romance

I will be your Juliet.
Love at first sight I felt
The moment I looked into your eyes.
I will strive to make our ending happy.
I will be your Audrey.
I will give up all other claims
And let you shield me.
Your love will heal my wounds.
I will be your Elphaba.
I will love you as long as you’re mine,
Whether that be a lifetime or a day.
I would defy the world for you.
I will be your Christine.
I will sing for you and only you,
Lift me voice to let you know
How my heart beats for you only.
I will be your Satine.
I will devote myself to you,
Leave my old world behind,
Even if I have to give up myself.
I will be your Belle.
I will pledge my undying love
And calm your erratic fears,
With your hand in mine we’ll waltz.

Beauty

Beauty

Beauty is only skin deep,
So cut me and I’ll bleed for you.
Take away my eyes and smile
And leave behind nothing of grandeur,
And you’ll still see the beauty that pumps through my veins.
For I am not just what you see on the outside,
I am rather more than that.
I am words and music and song,
Pictures and laughs and smiles.
I am a part of you,
Just as you are a part of me.
And I am so much more than the separate pieces,
I am the sum of the parts, the whole.
I am the wind that whistles through the trees,
The gushing stream, the laughing brook.
Beauty is only skin deep,
And I am beautiful through and through.

Rain

Rain

I was born into rain
And in rain I remain.
A cloud hovers above my head,
And raindrops sprinkle down with every step.
I can bring down your mood
With one quick rain shower.
Baby, that’s just the power
I hold.
I am rain but I’m also the rainbow
That rises after the storm.
The calm that sweeps in before the hurricane
Is a part of me also.
I’m the flood waters that cover your roads,
That force you to struggle
To reach your cars in the morning.
I’m the sun showers and the thunderstorms,
Two sides of the same coin
Flipping listlessly forever, on and on.

My Words

My Words

Why can’t I just confess?
The words stand on the tip of my tongue
like divers ready to slip into the waters of your mind.
But when I move to release them,
they slide silently back down my throat
to burn and stew inside my chest.
I can no more force them out
than learn to fly.
They can not slip past these lips
though I strain and strive,
I feel as if my words are alive.
With minds of their own they cower inside,
refusing to move when I look in your eyes.
So ask not what I’m thinking,
for my own tongue will betray me.
Instead let my lips and hands
tell you what you need to know.

Perfection

Perfection

Fingers brush my wrist,
rubbing softly
to show your love.
We’re both drunk off sleep
lying here in bed,
my head against your chest.
I listen to your heartbeat.
Neither of us wants to move,
your hand breathes fire onto mine.
That is such perfection.

Thinking of You

Thinking of You

We lie in silence
eyes burning holes into each other,
your hand against my arm.
You ask me what I’m thinking,
but I just shake my head
and we let it drop.
You lay your head on my hip,
our heartbeats the only noises
breaking the warm, still silence.
I know I’ll kick myself later,
for not breathing out those words
in time with your lips:
“I’m thinking of you”.

Tale as Old as Time

Tale as Old as Time

It’s a tale as old as time:
Girl meets boy and falls head over heels in love,
Sits down and writes rhyme after rhyme,
But his emotions she can’t move.
Girl falls hard and boy doesn’t know,
He stays ignorant to her amorous ways.
And when girl confesses to her beau,
He just smiles at her and turns away.

Here’s to Teenage Romance

Here’s to Teenage Romance

Here's to teenage romance
and not knowing why it hurts like hell.
Here's to holding hands and making plans,
And going days without speaking a single word.
Here’s to cuddling and smiling and laughter and all that,
And to getting depressed when he doesn’t call.
Here’s to mixed signals and sleepovers,
To love that’s so confusing you just wish you understood.
Here’s to my heart being put out on a limb again
So please don’t break it.

Teenage Romance

Teenage Romance

Happy on the outside,
But I’m hurting deep within.
There’s a pain inside my eyes
That doesn’t show outside my skin.
I’ve got a smile painted on,
It keeps the tears at bay.
And every one just passes by,
It’s like this every day.
You’re burning on the inside,
But no one else can tell.
So here’s to teenage romance
And not knowing why it hurts like hell.

To End Suffering

To End Suffering

A fly lay twitching,
Legs spasming and wings still
There on my paper
Slowly dying.
I slid my finger underneath him,
Lifted the small creature to my eye.
And yet he just twitched,
Silent but barely moving.
So I quietly smushed him
Between my forefinger and thumb;
He left a golden smear
Across my finger.
I placed his peaceful body on the windowsill,
And there he’ll rest
Til cleaning comes.

Poetry Sestina

Poetry Sestina

The girl looked up from her poetry.
In the early dawn, her eyes
Were two pinpricks of bright light
That shone in morning darkness.
Her pen scratched across the paper
And she bit her lip in silence.

The entire house, bathed in silence,
Seemed almost to quiver in the darkness.
A boy stepped through the doorway into the light
To lean over the girl’s paper.
He scanned the words in her poetry,
But refused to meet her eyes.

Suddenly, lightning flashes in her eyes,
Her harsh words break the silence
And she snatches away the paper.
Her face is coated with darkness
As she reaches over to turn off the light,
Fleeing the room with her poetry.

Outside in the early dawn darkness,
She leans against a tree and closes her eyes.
Her hands clutch tightly her paper
As if to shield and hide the poetry
Within. The boy inside the house sits in silence,
As the sun bathes the world with its light.

She blinks in the sudden light,
Watches the boy approach with narrowed eyes.
He mumbles an apology for reading her poetry
And offers to buy her new paper.
They wait in the dreadful silence,
All she shows him is darkness.

She stands and offers him the paper.
“It’s only a study of darkness,
Nothing more.” He watches with wide eyes.
Then, with a quick motion, takes the poetry
And sits down to read in silence.
His mind fills with a perfect light.

“Darkness seems beauty”, her eyes
Widen as he breaks the silence, blocks the light
With the paper in his hand and kisses her. Poetry.

Rage and Rave

Rage and Rave

And you,
You would let me rot here,
Let me dissolve into nothing.
I will not stay chained.
This will not be my final stand,
Believe me.
I’ll rage and rave and burn
Like a village set aflame.
I’ll fight and not give up,
Til all hope is lost
And nothing’s left for me.
Is there anything left for me?

A Villanelle for Sadness

A Villanelle for Sadness

My child, shed no tears,
Do not let anything move you to cry,
Though things will tempt you through the years.

My words will calm your fears,
If you listen then please try
To stem your flow of tears.

Let your smile bring you cheer,
Let you look up to the sky
And be heartened through the years.

Hands on the wheel you’ll steer,
Though many will ask you why,
Do not let them see your tears.

You may be tormented by your peers,
And on the inside want to die,
But hold on, through the many years.

The meaning now is clear,
My child you’ll get by.
Do not let them see your tears,
You are stronger than your years.

You’ve Broken Me

You’ve Broken Me

You’ve already shot, killed, and buried me
So why don’t I come back to haunt you?
My face hardens into an expressionless mask
At the mere mention of your name.
Your face still haunts my wildest dreams
But my heart is broken
And my soul is burning.
Don’t pretend to love me if you don’t.
But remember,
I bruise easily…
And you’ve broken me.

Not Knowing

Not Knowing

Not knowing is worse than regretting.
Never saying, always keeping
Everything bottled up inside,
Would be terrible always wondering
Never knowing what could have been.
I’d rather let it all s spill out
And then regret it later,
Rather sleep at night
Than lay awake and wonder.

Painting My Life

Painting My Life

I paint my life
One panel at a time,
One color after the other,
One step then the next.
One shape, one shadow
And another to the mix.
My hand is steady around the brush,
Strokes filling the blank expanse of my future
And painting out a path ahead.
The light will dim and fade,
Eventually – my eyes squinting
To try and focus on the canvas before me.
And the light will disappear
As I put away my paints,
Wash brushes and hang aprons
Before a finished canvas,
And lay down to sleep.

Pathway

Pathway

The wrong path.
No such thing,
When life is like a pathless wood
And you wander aimless,
Till you find your way.
I sit with my chin in hand
And contemplate how I’d love,
Love to get away for awhile
And leave Earth only to return,
And start over again.
A clean slate
Would be much appreciated.
But don’t get me wrong,
This place is just perfect for love.
It’s perfect to lie in late at night,
Waiting for calls that never come
And dreaming of being somewhere
Where you could be together at all times.

Sky Dreaming

Sky Dreaming

How do you describe the blue of sky?
Such a vibrant, glorious thing
So solid-looking, almost tangible,
Like you could reach out your hand
And grab a chunk of it.
How can the others not notice it?
They pass underneath completely unaware
Of the broad expanse of dry ocean above.
The little square I see out my window
Hangs motionless,
Free of clouds,
A bright contrast to the white buildings below.
If I could I’d reach right up
And capture you a handful,
To help remind you of how glorious the day was
When we met.

Death

Death

Death
Will be like an eternal sleep,
Eyes closed
Against the burn of day.
Like twilight falling
On silent sleepy towns,
As dark conceals the world.
Like roses wilting,
Strewn across the hard unforgiving ground
As summer comes to an end
And fall begins.
Death
Will be like going blind,
An expanse of darkness
With no chink of light
To show the way.
Like losing yourself and finding
Something different,
instead

My Calling

My Calling

Love calls me to the pen,
To the blank expanse of paper,
The scratching as my hand flies,
The spill of ink like raindrops,
The florid and the fine.
Love calls me to the page,
To the words marching
Like soldiers across an endless sea of white,
To the click of rhythm in my head.
I am summoned by the need, the want
To describe and record and illustrate,
That need deep in the soul
To constantly remember.
And I am called, like Shakespeare,
Like Shelley and Plath and Carroll,
And all those who came before me,
To watch and know and learn
And to share with those who can’t see it.
So I write, and I write
For you and for all those who
Don’t understand what they see,
Those that read and lose themselves,
Who smile at words
And remember.

To the girl I left behind…

To the girl I left behind...

If I could have warned you
That there were worse things
Than skinned knees and broken bicycles,
Believe me I would have.
I’d have shielded you from the harsh words
Of people who didn’t even know you,
From the soul-crushing insults and laughter.
I’d have told you boys would hurt you,
That they’d make you trust them
And then break your heart
And never think twice.
I’d have helped you understand that parents don’t listen
And they don’t understand,
That some people are so shallow
That they’ll always hate you.
I’d have warned you about high school,
Told you how much pressure it is,
So much pressure.
But I couldn’t,
And I can’t.
And you’ve learned,
Well we’ve learned
And grown.

Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

Like a zombie,
Eyes blank and expressionless,
Unfeeling and unknowing,
You march onwards.
No tears shine in your long-dead eyes,
The world is over for you.

You’re falling down the rabbit hole,
You’re on your way
You’re on your way.
You’re falling down the rabbit hole,
It all will end today.

I’ve been reaching for you
But you’ve traveled too fast,
Your legs stretching, flexing
As you strive to get away.
There’s no rope to throw you now,
The world is over for you.

You’re falling down the rabbit hole,
You’re on your way
You’re on your way.
You’re falling down the rabbit hole,
It all will end today.

Conversing with my Converse

Conversing with my Converse

And when I’m all alone,
Locked up in my room
With my headphones blasting
And my thoughts on silent,
I’m conversing with my Converse
So knock before you enter.
When I’m lonely and no one calls,
My Converse sit and listen
And they never interrupt.
Yes unlike you, my Converse
Let me speak my mind
And don’t judge me at all.
They don’t stereotype and they don’t laugh
When things come out jumbled.
So I sit alone in darkness,
Writing poetry and more
And my plain and simple Converse
Converse with my some more.

Love, austere and lonely...

Love, austere and lonely…

Love, austere and lonely,
A dozen wilted roses
Set out to sea.
Love, a sharpened razor,
A thousand thorns
tearing, ripping
Your heart to shreds.
Love, a crushing stone,
A heavy weight
Upon your chest.
Love, a dream deferred,
Unrequited,
Withers and crumbles to dust
In my hands.

Lament

Lament

I hope your heart is beating
Perfectly in time with mine.
But I don’t know if you’re sitting there,
With me on your mind.
And I don’t know if you want me,
Cuz you sound so damn unsure.
And you ask me for her screename
And expect me to say “sure”.
You don’t know how I feel
But I know you have a clue.
So maybe you should listen
When I try to speak to you.

Last Time I Break My Heart

Last Time I Break My Heart

So this is the last time
That I will break my heart for you.
And I understand when you tell me
You still don’t know how you feel.
I’m not afraid that you’re lying
I’m just afraid you’ll never care,
And it’s worse not knowing.
So when I tell you how I feel,
(Don’t worry it’ll take me awhile)
Don’t laugh and don’t turn away.
I just need to know how you truly feel.

Heart

Heart

My heart’s on my sleeve
But I’ll tuck it away,
Hide it from prying eyes.
I’m not ready to give it up again.
This soul inside me has only just healed,
Only just been sewn shut
And repaired.
I’ve built my walls,
Hidden my faults,
And now I’ll try to save myself.

Silent Vigils

Silent Vigils

I have been a ghost,
Silent and transparent,
Hidden by your bedside.
I have watched you as you sleep
And heard you cry out,
Seen you weep for love of dreams,
For want of dreams.
But your empty mind
And cloaked eyes,
Keep you hidden in silence.
And I’ve sewn your heart back together,
So many times when you’ve come to me,
Your life shattered when your love had gone.
I’ve held you hand when you needed it,
Painted your dreams as you slept.
And my thanks is never coming.
You’ll never need me like you needed her.

Thirsting

Thirsting

There’s electricity in the air,
Trees stand silent and majestic
Branches raised high to the heavy laden clouds,
Hanging, large and almost bursting, in the air.
The wind has gone,
Slipping quietly between the branches
And whistling off to somewhere better.
The window at my side is clear,
Lightning flashes in my eyes
And thunder rumbles, low and ominous.
Yet the ground stays dry
And the trees thirst for rain.

Ravishing

Ravishing

Pick the flesh from the carcass,
Clean the bones til they’re dry.
You’re a vulture, always feeding,
Waiting for your prey to die.
Your eyes bore holes in mine,
Like you think you own me too.
You’re sizing up my body,
But I won’t be the next snack for you.
You suck them in so easily,
It’s all a game you play.
With your compliments and charm,
They never try to get away.
They don’t see it til it’s too late,
As they lay dying at your feet.
You don’t think of us as people,
You just think of us as meat.
You use us til you’re tired of it,
Then dump us like dead weight.
And no one ever sees it coming,
Well, not until its way too late.
So don’t even think about it,
Cuz I know all your ways.
I will not be the next one down,
I will not be played.

Trapped

Trapped

Like an antique vase you’ve been locked away,
Sitting silently on some shelf
Collecting dust.
You peer out the window panes
At a world you’ll never know.
Poor china doll, too fragile to play.
Forehead pressed to glass,
You leave smudges when you breathe
Til your mother calls your name,
And you abandon your hiding place.
Lightning strikes outside
And you long to be beside it,
Running through the rain,
Face upturned to the sky.
Instead you take your place at table,
Hands folded,
Head bowed
As your mother teaches lessons
And your mind drifts away.
You learn the outside words,
Words for things you’ve never seen,
Things you’ve never touched.
Flower, tree, grass, rain, sun,
But you have never known one of these.
At night you read your books
And dream of faraway places,
Of freedom and sunshine and the sea.
In your dreams you’re a princess,
A butterfly, an astronaut.
Or just beneath a tree,
Outside where you long to be.

Reality

Reality?

Can you quell the rising fears within me?
I’m too afraid of being alone,
When the darkness isn’t comforting
But suffocating.
When my poetry won’t flow
And my thoughts are stymied,
When jeering faces dance within my mind
Knowing I’ll never get it right.

Can you reach me?
It feels like I’m so far under water
Breathing through a microscope,
Watching the bubbles blow in and out of my lungs.
I yell for you but get only waves,
My legs tire and I drift down
Towards a watery grave.

Can you save me?
I’m waiting for someone to find me
Wipe the pain away,
To ease my troubled mind.
Are you the one
Or am I just dreaming again?
Make me certain that you need me,
Make me feel real.

Funeral

Funeral

You sit staring out the window,
Eyes vacant
As the deep dark waters you used to cut through
With smooth clean strokes,
Back when times were simple;
When your mind was living
And your heart was full.
Now your hands grasp for nothing
And your mouth makes unintelligible sounds.

Tomorrow you will close your eyes
And never open them again.
You won’t be aware of that, of course.
Instead, you’ll blow sloppy kisses at us,
Giggle at the caring faces,
Drawn tight by grief,
That surround you,
Before you breathe your last.
We will dress you in your best clothes:
A favorite dress,
Delicate shoes you haven’t worn for years.
We’ll fold your hands across your chest
Lay you softly down in silky plush
And whisper goodbye in your unhearing ear.
I’ll lay one rose above your head,
A single burning red rose
For the memories of you,
When you were whole.

But today you are broken,
An empty shell devoid of knowing
But full of laughter.
Today you are not yourself,
Throwing your fists in the air
And knocking things from the table.
Today, there is some other blank lifeless being before me,
Who claps your hands together,
Closes your eyes.
And sleeps.

Hanging

Hanging

As you hang here
Eyes wide and staring,
Arms still reaching,
Reaching.
Legs swinging,
Creaking, cracking,
Noises lost in the howling of wind.
A knife drawn from warm coat pockets,
Flash of silver in the air
And down you fall.
Angry red bruises
Encircle your fair white neck,
Eyes still staring into nothing
But lips closed and silent forever.

Don't Look Back

Don’t Look Back

Shield your eyes from the fires of Hell,
Those gates stand open before you
Ready to plunge you, down,
Down into the fiery depths
To drown forever.
But keep your head turned,
Don’t waver
Don’t look back.
Keep your feet firmly planted
In the wheel tracks of the road,
Your head held high
And your arms outstretched.
Your faith has gone
And the Devil stalks your shadow.
See the haunted face in the mirror?
Don’t look back.

Writer's Block

Writer’s Block

Feels like my wells of inspiration have run dry.
I haven’t penned a poem
In what seems like ages.
Nothing seems right anymore,
Nothing inspires,
Nothing flows,
Nothing rocks me to the core.
My head’s all full of shoo-bop-bops and literary terms,
With no room left for words,
Sweet words.
There’s too much hustle,
Too much hassle.
I sit in a bare college classroom and discuss poetry,
But inside, I think I’ve lost it.
I think there’s an edge I’ve been standing on,
Been teetering on for so long,
And I’m one step closer now
And close to going over.
If the words won’t flow,
Like rivers, from my fingers
To flood the paper with my thoughts,
What can I do?

In My Room

In My Room

Alone in my room,
Fan blades spinning,
Pictures grinning
At me from my walls.
Amid collections
Of penguins and ponies,
Scattered works of literature,
Sticker-covered binders,
Purses on closet doors
And necklaces hanging in neat rows.
This is where I feel at home.
Shift the clutter on my desk,
I move aside plaques and pictures,
Statues and newspaper clippings,
Revealing pink plywood:
AKA my desk top.
There’s a magazine rack full of books,
Piles of fuzzy slippers,
A wooden carousel horse,
And the floor needs vacuuming again,
But –
Amid the scarves and sculptures,
The artwork and the archives,
Novels and novelties,
Lying still in my crowded bed
Under soft covers,
I am truly me.

I'm a Special Child

I’m a Special Child (Sung to the tune of Yankee Doodle)

I’m a special special child,
I have special special needs.
I have to take medica-ay-ation
So I don’t run into walls.
I’m a special special child,
I like to lick animals.
I wear helmets so I don’t
Hurt myself when I fall,
I am a special special kid!!

Dancing with Myself

Dancing with Myself

Once you held me close,
Never daring to let go.
We spun around that dance floor,
Like round and round we go.
But somehow we lost each other,
Halfway through the dance.
And though I’m still spinning,
I never got the chance…

To tell you that i love you,
To say how much I cared.
To let you know I treasure
Every moment that we shared.
And now I’ve come to realize,
From the memories on my shelf,
Now that I have lost you
I’m dancing with myself.

The rhythm never changes,
The tempo’s still the same.
I’m still left here twirling,
Calling out your name.
I guess I’ll keep on dancing,
All through nights and days.
Until you come back to me,
Because I want the chance to say…

To tell you that I love you,
To say how much I cared.
To let you know I treasure
Every moment that we shared.
And now I’ve come to realize,
From the memories on my shelf,
That until you come back to me,
I’m dancing with myself.

You never gave me a reason,
Why you ran away.
But if you come back to me,
Then I’ll finally have the chance to say…
Just how much I love you,
And just how much I care.
And how I’ll always treasure
All the memories we’ve shared.
Now I’ve come to realize,
From the memories on my shelf,
If you don’t come back to me,
I’ll always be dancing with myself.

Ivory Tower

Ivory Tower

Trapped up in my Ivory Tower,
Surrounded by darkness,
Deep despair.
Under a sky of fire,
My fever rises.
Cold lighting cracks,
Shooting across the treetops.
Flames lick higher,
My tower is burning.
I am freezing.
Everything has gone wrong.
All around me,
Sky is falling,
Clouds exploding.
Lost in a labyrinth,
Of darkness and evil,
Eyes watch my every move,
Wait for the slightest slip up
So they can devour me
With pain, hate, and lies.
Gleaming white fangs hang in the darkness.
They come closer, ready to strike.
My decision hangs before me.
Forward towards doom
Or backwards into the spiderwebs of despair.

Waterfalls

Waterfalls -

Darkness and shades of gray envelop me,
Old friends, bringing salvation
From this crown of thorns my life has bought.
Rattling chains and cloaks of silver,
Floating eyes and breaking glass.
Someone screams and I’m gone.
My face has faded and my life grows bleak.
There’s nothing but a white place,
Blank,
Nothing left but tears raining down
To drown me.
My screams are choked,
Hands closed around my throat.
The stars have fallen from the sky,
The moon a bloody spot in an endless stretch of black.
Bright flames engulf everything in their paths.
Leaves swirl across scorched pavement,
Catching the wind and burning like a forest alight.
Blue skies turn blood red as autumn leaves.
Buildings crumble and disappear,
The flames set me alight.
Has all the water dried up like the sands of the Sahara?
Where have all the waterfalls gone?

Alive

Alive -

I’m lost in the dark,
Tying to find my way out.
This box I’m trapped in,
Four walls surrounding me,
Enclosing me,
It holds me hostage.
I’m locked away from the world.
The air is stifling,
Suffocating me slowly,
As the light is fading, disappearing.
The silence burns my ears,
Deafens me, numbs me to the pain.
But the fear grows worse,
Blooms like a Venus fly trap
In my mind.
I cry out but my voice has been stolen,
Hidden under lock and key
And I cannot reach it.
I can feel the warmth of the rising sun,
But I cannot see it’s soothing light.
It warms me,
Melts the icy coldness of my heart.
I thought it stopped long ago,
Ended it’s beating,
Gave up and died.
But now I feel life stirring,
Starting me up again.
And I grasp fear by the neck and wring it,
I push out of the box it cannot hold me
Anymore.
And I feel
Alive.

Vampire

Vampire

Nights are everlasting,
Endless stretches of blackness.
You sheath your fangs
In bloodless lips,
I’m unconvinced you need me.
Is it wrong to love you
When you’ll never change?
You kiss my neck,
Sweet ecstasy runs through me.
The silvery thrill of the kiss.
You and I are the rulers of this night,
Eternal and pale.
I will sleep beside you forever,
Silently linked in this velvet-lined coffin.
Roses wither in my hands,
But you pull ,me closer.
You make me feel.

Cut the Fine Line

Cut the Fine Line

Bleed me from your veins,
Cut me from your wrists
And let it all go dark.
Hold me like a gun to your temple,
Pull my trigger and I’m gone.

Cut the fine line,
Cut it close today.
Nothing but endless stars
And broke down cars,
Nothing to see past tonight.

Mark me down,
Your latest conquest,
Your next target taken down.
Bury me 6 feet under,
Torn limb from limb I’ll rest finally.

Cut the fine line,
Cut it close today.
Nothing but endless stars
And broke down cars,
Nothing to see past tonight.

Tell them you cracked,
Too much pressure to take.
Everyone makes mistakes,
You’re only human,
You’re only human.

Cocoon

Cocoon

Crack me open,
Like I’m encased in some shell
That keeps me locked away from everything.
Only you hold the key
To unlock these iron chains,
And bring me out into the light.

Chorus –
It feels like you’re so far away,
When I’m dreaming of you at midnight.
I draw your name into my wrists,
The ink bleeds thorugh and I feel alive.

I handcuff my heart around your neck,
Burning white hot next to your veins.
How does it feel to know I’m always with you?
And does the darkness close you off,
When my eyes are all your hands can find?

Repeat Chorus

I bottle up the tears to save for when
You crash down beside me again.
I feel so mechanized, like every emotion
Is forced and cold.

Repeat Chorus

So Lost

So Lost

Fall away from me,
Hands are slipping
You’re screaming my name.
No one can save you,
I’ll lament the loss
Of your hand in mine.

I press my face into the pillow,
Smother a scream again.
You’re gone and I’m so lost.

On the edge you turned to me,
Held out a hand and begged
But you were too far gone.
Lost footholds and broken eyes,
I can’t remember more than dying inside.

I press my face into the pillow,
Smother a scream again.
You’re gone and I’m so lost.

Love was never mine to hold,
You slipped through my fingers
And left me with nothing,
Nothing but empty words.

Ghost

Ghost

I’m hovering over my grave tonight,
Watching you crying
In a sea of flowers and handwritten notes.
Can you feel my own tears falling?
Falling down beside your praying hands?
I’m reading over your shoulder,
Lines you’d hoped I’d never see.

Baby, just forget me.

You’re chasing a ghost,
Nothing but a ghost.
I’m just a vision from your past,
A memory fading fast.
This it the end of the rope for us,
Bleeding hearts beat silent.

You’ve gone too many nights without sleep,
Painting canvases and penning poetry on your walls.
Sobbing in the cemetery
Laying roses on my grave,
I’m sitting here with you
Waiting for you to give it up.

Baby, just forget me.

You’re chasing a ghost,
Nothing but a ghost.
I’m just a vision from your past,
A memory fading fast.
This it the end of the rope for us,
Bleeding hearts beat silent.

Far away,
I’m so far away now.
Heaven’s nothing compared to you,
The winds blow me away.
My pages are still empty of you.

Kiss Me, Kill Me

Kiss Me, Kill Me

Baby, you destroy me.
Never could keep it together
When you came around.
Snap me out of it,
Wrap your hands around my throat,
Just what I need now.

Kiss me kill me,
Poison on these lips,
Your face the last I see.
Let your words stab like daggers
As they rain down on me.
Wash yourself of me,
Clean your conscience
And blind these eyes

Baby, your hands are cold.
Always loved the noose around your neck,
When you’d wrap your fingers ‘round mine.
Lie to me just one more time,
Drag your knife across my throat,
Just what I need now.

Kiss me kill me,
Poison on these lips,
Your face the last I see.
Let your words stab like daggers
As they rain down on me.
Wash yourself of me,
Clean your conscience
And blind these eyes

Kiss me baby.
Kill me baby.
Come on beautiful,
Sell me your lies.
Come on baby,
Black my eyes.

Solemn-Bound

Solemn-Bound

I'm sitting here penning letters
That will never reach you,
That will never leave my hands.
My words are caged birds
That will never fly away free.
Fragile wings beat within my heart,
Bursting at the seams,
Still wanting to perch upon your shoulders.
But these lovelorn confessions
Will never be read aloud.
They will never soar above my head,
And let my heart be free.
These heavy iron chains
Will bind my soul for all eternity.

Gambling with Your Heart

Gambling with Your Heart

Your eyes are teardrops
Suspended in a cloud of doubt.
Will you ever truly work this out?
I’ll lay my heart on the line,
Tear my hair out
And pretend I’m fine.
You exhaust me,
Pretentious dreamer.
Sound the bugle for me,
I’ve given up the fight once again.
Doesn’t it seem like you get all the worst luck?
I roll the dice and get snake eyes,
You cash out so fast, no surprise.
Baby are you willing to gamble
With your heart?
I put down 4 aces and it tears you apart.
Walk away,
Just quit while you’re behind.
Leave me alone with this heart of mine.
The chips are down
And you’re out.

Ripped and Torn

Ripped and Torn

I wrote you a poem the other day,
but I know it's not good enough.
It'll never be good enough for you.
So I'll rip it up,
and throw it away,
and hope it's never found.
It's easy to smile
and try to move on,
to pretend I can be totally confident.
But I guess we're not meant to be,
and this poem will never be seen.
Ripped and torn,
fragile and beckoning.
My heart lies in shattered pieces at the bottom of your lake.
It feels like I'm sinking
in a car full of rocks,
and I'll never, never make it to the surface again.
And as I watch my precious time tick away,
the torn pieces of your poem float by
reminding me that nothing stays the same.
Nothing stays the same.

On Top

On Top

We all bleed the same way as you,
We all cry the same tears too.
Can’t you see you’re not alone?
Everyone is searching for a home.
Let it out, let it all out,
When this world makes you want to shout.
Why shut your mouth tight,
When you’re ready for a fight?
Take a chance and live like you’re dying,
Love wholehearted, keep on lying.
Life’s slowly winding to a stop,
Why not go out on top??

Sleeping Down the End of the Bed

Sleeping Down the End of the Bed

Cover your head and hit the deck,
Here comes another round of regret.
Are you ready for this next attack?
Baby you’d best take a few steps back.

I know just what’s been going down
When you say you’re just out on the town.
Don’t you know she can’t love you like I do?

I been sleeping with my head
Down at the wrong end of the bed.
I’ve listened to, all your lies
But I swear it’s for the last time.
You’re backpedaling now, trying to cover,
But you know this conversation is over.

Grit your teeth and bear it,
Here’s another shot of pain
Why don’t you share it?
You might fool her with your watery eyes,
But baby I’m just so sick of the lies.

I know just what’s been going down
When you say you’re just out on the town.
Don’t you know she can’t love you like I did?

I been sleeping with my head
Down at the wrong end of the bed.
I’ve listened to, all your lies
But I swear it’s for the last time.
You’re backpedaling now, trying to cover,
But you know this conversation is over.

Stop trying to make me feel sorry for you,
I used to think you were my dream come true.
And now you’ve ripped it all to pieces,
Tell me, what in the hell was I expecting?

I been sleeping with my head
Down at the wrong end of the bed.
I’ve listened to, all your lies
But I swear it’s for the last time.
You’re backpedaling now, trying to cover,
But you know this conversation is over.

Soldier

Soldier

Don’t give up
When it’s too much,
Only know I am here,
You can take shelter in me.
My words are here to guide you,
My arms to offer comfort.
My heart is always open
And ready to listen.
Whatever your heartache,
Your suffering, your pain,
I won’t judge you.
I’m here to keep your secrets.
If you feel like God’s not listening,
Like the world’s too much to bear,
I will shield you from it all.
Don’t be afraid to say you’re weak,
To ask for help.
Let me heal your wounds,
You’ve been fighting for too long.