Memory
The memory of your touch
lingered longer on my skin
than your scent ever could.
Sometimes those memories are all I get by on,
sometimes all I can do is imagine us again
and again,
and doing more, going farther,
losing ourselves to the passion we both feel,
we both felt.
In those moments there was no right or wrong,
only two hearts beating in unison
and two pairs of hips,
two pairs of hands,
two pairs of lips,
intertwining,
pistoning,
striving to become one.
In those moments there was only me and you
and nothing else mattered,
and none of it was awkward or weird
not even my hair in your face
or your leg in the wrong place,
it was perfection,
sheer perfection,
and I’m living off those memories
until we can somehow find the time
to make more.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
It All Falls Down
It All Falls Down
You build me up just to watch me tear myself down,
then stand back with a satisfactory look on your face
oh “look how pretty she is"
she’ll destroy her own mind and we’ll just take notes.
You claim no responsibility for the bullet holes
but it was you who put the gun in my hand,
you who crossed your arms and chuckled
when I gave a warning shot.
“Oh, she’s so cute. Watch her go.”
Well maybe it was cute to begin with,
when all we were was a few sweet kisses out in the stairwell,
flirty banter exchanged over the web and phone,
glances and smiles and a brief touch here and there.
Where did it go wrong?
We fit together so perfect,
clasping hands and lips together
holding each other and never wanting to let go,
I begged you “five more minutes”.
You have no time to spare for me,
there’ll be no more soft kisses
no more of your teeth sunk deep in my neck
no more of your soft exclamations in the dark.
I need to feel you under my hands, my hips,
this not seeing each other has drawn me to the dark side
and I’m wondering if you’ve found someone else.
You built me up to watch me fall,
well I’ve fallen hard for you baby,
and you haven’t been there to catch me yet.
You build me up just to watch me tear myself down,
then stand back with a satisfactory look on your face
oh “look how pretty she is"
she’ll destroy her own mind and we’ll just take notes.
You claim no responsibility for the bullet holes
but it was you who put the gun in my hand,
you who crossed your arms and chuckled
when I gave a warning shot.
“Oh, she’s so cute. Watch her go.”
Well maybe it was cute to begin with,
when all we were was a few sweet kisses out in the stairwell,
flirty banter exchanged over the web and phone,
glances and smiles and a brief touch here and there.
Where did it go wrong?
We fit together so perfect,
clasping hands and lips together
holding each other and never wanting to let go,
I begged you “five more minutes”.
You have no time to spare for me,
there’ll be no more soft kisses
no more of your teeth sunk deep in my neck
no more of your soft exclamations in the dark.
I need to feel you under my hands, my hips,
this not seeing each other has drawn me to the dark side
and I’m wondering if you’ve found someone else.
You built me up to watch me fall,
well I’ve fallen hard for you baby,
and you haven’t been there to catch me yet.
Inside Your Arms
Inside Your Arms
Okay, I’ll admit it.
You are my reason for breathing
for the time being,
you are my sanity
right now.
And though you are far beyond arms’ reach,
I am pining for you still
hoping for you still
praying for you to realize
that you can’t wait another month,
or even another day,
another hour,
that you want me
need me
have to have me
right now
right this very instant
no matter what
no matter where
no matter everything that is trying to keep us apart,
that you’ll get to me somehow
and everything will be perfect
because life is so easy
when everything you ever wanted
fits inside your arms.
Okay, I’ll admit it.
You are my reason for breathing
for the time being,
you are my sanity
right now.
And though you are far beyond arms’ reach,
I am pining for you still
hoping for you still
praying for you to realize
that you can’t wait another month,
or even another day,
another hour,
that you want me
need me
have to have me
right now
right this very instant
no matter what
no matter where
no matter everything that is trying to keep us apart,
that you’ll get to me somehow
and everything will be perfect
because life is so easy
when everything you ever wanted
fits inside your arms.
You Changed Me
You Changed Me
People ask me if I hate you
and my answer is always “no”
and it’s nights like these when I’m all alone
that I get to thinking about us and what we had,
and I come up with the why.
It’s as simple as this…
you did something to me
that I just can’t explain with words.
You took me to a new and better place,
and introduced me to myself,
you pushed your way through all the bullshit
and made me face the truth.
And for that I will always be grateful,
for that I will always have some kind of love for you,
even if I never want to see you again.
People ask me if I hate you
and my answer is always “no”
and it’s nights like these when I’m all alone
that I get to thinking about us and what we had,
and I come up with the why.
It’s as simple as this…
you did something to me
that I just can’t explain with words.
You took me to a new and better place,
and introduced me to myself,
you pushed your way through all the bullshit
and made me face the truth.
And for that I will always be grateful,
for that I will always have some kind of love for you,
even if I never want to see you again.
The Truth
The Truth
“Just admit it, you only want me when you can’t have her.”
Her words rang in his ears,
the ones she’d screamed in his direction
before she slammed the door
and walked away on everything they’d built together.
And as he lay in bed that night,
next to another,
he realized it was all a lie
and he can’t face the mirror anymore.
“Just admit it, you only want me when you can’t have her.”
Her words rang in his ears,
the ones she’d screamed in his direction
before she slammed the door
and walked away on everything they’d built together.
And as he lay in bed that night,
next to another,
he realized it was all a lie
and he can’t face the mirror anymore.
Closer
Closer
I wish I were closer to you,
then maybe my feelings could actually be justified.
Maybe then you'd be hanging on my every word
instead of never talking back,
maybe then you'd be hanging off my every curve
and no excuse could keep you away.
So why can't you find the time
to let me get to know you
in all the ways I'm begging you to?
Why can't you stay in my arms for the night
and let me hold you until daybreak?
I long to feel you,
to know you,
to be yours and only yours.
I wish i were closer to you.
I wish I were closer to you,
then maybe my feelings could actually be justified.
Maybe then you'd be hanging on my every word
instead of never talking back,
maybe then you'd be hanging off my every curve
and no excuse could keep you away.
So why can't you find the time
to let me get to know you
in all the ways I'm begging you to?
Why can't you stay in my arms for the night
and let me hold you until daybreak?
I long to feel you,
to know you,
to be yours and only yours.
I wish i were closer to you.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Scream Your Lungs Out
Scream Your Lungs Out
Sing like you’ve never sung before,
and when the morning comes
and your throat is sore,
all I want to say is I do,
I have, and I always will,
but that would never be good enough for you,
or good enough for me.
I’m taking pictures in my head
just to remember what he said
and I, I find it hard to breathe
knowing that he’s watching me,
and my eyes can’t get enough.
Why must I only look, not touch?
Don’t move, don’t move now,
don’t even let your eyes blink.
Don’t breathe, don’t breathe now,
unless we breathe in sync.
Sing like you’ve never sung before,
and when the morning comes
and your throat is sore,
all I want to say is I do,
I have, and I always will,
but that would never be good enough for you,
or good enough for me.
So what goes around comes around,
just one look and I’m on the ground.
Feels like I’m wearing a disguise,
everytime he looks at me with those eyes
he captures me like a butterfly
I’m no longer yearning for the sky.
Sing like you’ve never sung before,
and when the morning comes
and your throat is sore,
all I want to say is I do,
I have, and I always will,
but that would never be good enough for you,
or good enough for me.
Don’t move, don’t move now,
don’t breathe, don’t breathe now.
Don’t move, don’t move now,
don’t breathe, don’t breathe now.
Sing like you’ve never sung before,
and when the morning comes
and your throat is sore,
all I want to say is I do,
I have, and I always will,
but that would never be good enough for you,
or good enough for me.
Sing like you’ve never sung before,
and when the morning comes
and your throat is sore,
all I want to say is I do,
I have, and I always will,
but that would never be good enough for you,
or good enough for me.
I’m taking pictures in my head
just to remember what he said
and I, I find it hard to breathe
knowing that he’s watching me,
and my eyes can’t get enough.
Why must I only look, not touch?
Don’t move, don’t move now,
don’t even let your eyes blink.
Don’t breathe, don’t breathe now,
unless we breathe in sync.
Sing like you’ve never sung before,
and when the morning comes
and your throat is sore,
all I want to say is I do,
I have, and I always will,
but that would never be good enough for you,
or good enough for me.
So what goes around comes around,
just one look and I’m on the ground.
Feels like I’m wearing a disguise,
everytime he looks at me with those eyes
he captures me like a butterfly
I’m no longer yearning for the sky.
Sing like you’ve never sung before,
and when the morning comes
and your throat is sore,
all I want to say is I do,
I have, and I always will,
but that would never be good enough for you,
or good enough for me.
Don’t move, don’t move now,
don’t breathe, don’t breathe now.
Don’t move, don’t move now,
don’t breathe, don’t breathe now.
Sing like you’ve never sung before,
and when the morning comes
and your throat is sore,
all I want to say is I do,
I have, and I always will,
but that would never be good enough for you,
or good enough for me.
Sociology 101
Sociology 101
Look at me, society.
Am I worthwhile and desirable?
Do I fit in your social norms?
People look at me sideways
because I don’t subscribe
to no cookie cutter ways,
don’t follow the traditions,
don’t care about your rules.
I’m one walking proscriptive
with some sign slung round my neck
flashing “don’t touch” in neon pink.
There’s no exception big enough to hold me,
they expect me to obey
but I can’t follow your words.
I’m in ethical dilemmas up to my ears,
abort this, marry that,
take her off the life support –
no!
“Don’t touch”, remember?
I never signed that DNR order,
I never learned that law.
So the alcohol they pumped into my system,
it’ll mean nothing when I’m behind the wheel,
I’m just a folkway anyway,
excuse me
faux pas.
So how about it, society?
Am I worthwhile and desirable?
Do I fit in your social norms?
Look at me, society.
Am I worthwhile and desirable?
Do I fit in your social norms?
People look at me sideways
because I don’t subscribe
to no cookie cutter ways,
don’t follow the traditions,
don’t care about your rules.
I’m one walking proscriptive
with some sign slung round my neck
flashing “don’t touch” in neon pink.
There’s no exception big enough to hold me,
they expect me to obey
but I can’t follow your words.
I’m in ethical dilemmas up to my ears,
abort this, marry that,
take her off the life support –
no!
“Don’t touch”, remember?
I never signed that DNR order,
I never learned that law.
So the alcohol they pumped into my system,
it’ll mean nothing when I’m behind the wheel,
I’m just a folkway anyway,
excuse me
faux pas.
So how about it, society?
Am I worthwhile and desirable?
Do I fit in your social norms?
Thought Process
Thought Process
I lie awake and wonder
are you thinking of me too?
Is this just a joke to you?
Do I mean anything at all
or is it just foolish to fall
for you?
Your words seem clever,
yeah I read them whenever,
whenever I feel doubt
about this working out.
But I can’t seem to understand
why you just up and ran.
Yeah I know you don’t have time,
not enough to make you mine.
You’re pushing me away
I just wish you would stay
please don’t walk away.
I lie awake and wonder
are you thinking of me too?
Is this just a joke to you?
Do I mean anything at all
or is it just foolish to fall
for you?
It’s been too long and no see,
I think you’ve forgotten me.
Maybe you found someone else.
Boy, you’re messing with my health.
Leaving me alone too long
gets me thinkin’ all wrong,
things like maybe let’s “just be friends”,
things like this’ll never end.
You’re pushing me away (aren’t you?)
I just wish you would stay (won’t you?)
Please don’t walk away.
I lie awake and wonder
are you thinking of me too?
Is this just a joke to you?
Do I mean anything at all
or is it just foolish to fall
for you?
I lie awake and wonder
are you thinking of me too?
Is this just a joke to you?
Do I mean anything at all
or is it just foolish to fall
for you?
Your words seem clever,
yeah I read them whenever,
whenever I feel doubt
about this working out.
But I can’t seem to understand
why you just up and ran.
Yeah I know you don’t have time,
not enough to make you mine.
You’re pushing me away
I just wish you would stay
please don’t walk away.
I lie awake and wonder
are you thinking of me too?
Is this just a joke to you?
Do I mean anything at all
or is it just foolish to fall
for you?
It’s been too long and no see,
I think you’ve forgotten me.
Maybe you found someone else.
Boy, you’re messing with my health.
Leaving me alone too long
gets me thinkin’ all wrong,
things like maybe let’s “just be friends”,
things like this’ll never end.
You’re pushing me away (aren’t you?)
I just wish you would stay (won’t you?)
Please don’t walk away.
I lie awake and wonder
are you thinking of me too?
Is this just a joke to you?
Do I mean anything at all
or is it just foolish to fall
for you?
I Cannot Hate You
I Cannot Hate You
I cannot hate you.
We don’t work well together.
You’re a jerk,
and I’m a bitch,
and we conflict.
But I cannot hate you.
I won’t ever talk to you again,
I will never see you,
never hold your hand,
but I will never hate you.
You gave me some of the best times,
made me feel alive for once,
stole the sadness from my eyes,
forced me to tell the truth
when all I wanted to do was run and hide from you.
You made me open up,
and though I hate to admit it,
you’ve helped make me who I am today.
So I cannot hate you.
But I’ll never like you.
I cannot hate you.
We don’t work well together.
You’re a jerk,
and I’m a bitch,
and we conflict.
But I cannot hate you.
I won’t ever talk to you again,
I will never see you,
never hold your hand,
but I will never hate you.
You gave me some of the best times,
made me feel alive for once,
stole the sadness from my eyes,
forced me to tell the truth
when all I wanted to do was run and hide from you.
You made me open up,
and though I hate to admit it,
you’ve helped make me who I am today.
So I cannot hate you.
But I’ll never like you.
Onstage
Onstage
When I am onstage I am alive,
I am glamorous,
I am enviable.
The lights blind my eyes,
the stage is moving beneath my feet,
alive.
I am not me.
This is not my face,
not my words,
not my smile…
but it is my soul.
I have no time for mathematics,
or theories and names and dates.
I live for applause,
for laughter,
for passion,
for the echo of my voice against the walls of the theater,
against an audience’s ears.
I am not awkward onstage,
I am not nervous
nor scared,
not quiet.
Onstage, I am me.
You can’t touch.
You can’t judge.
You can’t insult,
or change.
But you can observe,
you can fill your eyes with me
til there is no room for anything else,
fill your ears til they burst.
And you can love me.
When I am onstage I am alive,
I am glamorous,
I am enviable.
The lights blind my eyes,
the stage is moving beneath my feet,
alive.
I am not me.
This is not my face,
not my words,
not my smile…
but it is my soul.
I have no time for mathematics,
or theories and names and dates.
I live for applause,
for laughter,
for passion,
for the echo of my voice against the walls of the theater,
against an audience’s ears.
I am not awkward onstage,
I am not nervous
nor scared,
not quiet.
Onstage, I am me.
You can’t touch.
You can’t judge.
You can’t insult,
or change.
But you can observe,
you can fill your eyes with me
til there is no room for anything else,
fill your ears til they burst.
And you can love me.
You Comfort Me
You Comfort Me
Like emeralds, like heaven’s light,
like stars in the night.
Like sunshine, like rain,
like an easy relief for the pain.
Like a favorite pair of worn-in jeans,
you comfort me.
Like emeralds, like heaven’s light,
like stars in the night.
Like sunshine, like rain,
like an easy relief for the pain.
Like a favorite pair of worn-in jeans,
you comfort me.
Kites With No Strings
Kites With No Strings
I wish…I wish a lot of things.
My wishes are kites with no strings.
They float on the breeze
leaving my outstretched fingers,
never to return.
Your words are a knife in my back,
left there to rust
like some evil broken wing,
making me unable to fly.
I can’t make my wishes come true.
I can’t even reach them anymore.
And I’ll certainly never have you.
I wish…I wish a lot of things.
My wishes are kites with no strings.
They float on the breeze
leaving my outstretched fingers,
never to return.
Your words are a knife in my back,
left there to rust
like some evil broken wing,
making me unable to fly.
I can’t make my wishes come true.
I can’t even reach them anymore.
And I’ll certainly never have you.
I Wish I Never Knew
I Wish I Never Knew
Mark me down as happy,
mark me down as upset.
If there’s a happy ending to this story,
well I guess I haven’t found it yet.
I don’t understand why two people
want to be together but end up alone.
Forgive me for saying,
but I wish I never had known.
I wish I never knew
how you felt about me.
I wish you’d never said
what I’d been dreaming all along,
call me wrong
but I can’t seem to understand.
I should be happy
but this didn’t work out like I planned.
I feel your heart beat,
even though you’re far away.
I am just around the corner,
how I wish that you could stay.
I cannot comprehend
why I can’t have you for my own.
Forgive me for saying,
but I wish I never had known.
I wish I never knew
how you felt about me.
I wish you’d never said
what I’d been dreaming all along,
call me wrong
but I can’t seem to understand.
I should be happy
but this didn’t work out like I planned.
If I had it my way
you’d be in my arms tonight.
If I had it my way
I would hold you til the morning light.
If I had it my way
I wouldn’t waste a single day,
I’d tell you how I feel inside
there’d be no more need to hide.
But I can’t hold you now
and I can’t hold you then.
If I can, then how?
If I can, then when?
I wish I never knew
how you felt about me.
I wish you’d never said
what I’d been dreaming all along,
call me wrong
but I can’t seem to understand.
I should be happy,
I should be happy,
but this didn’t work out like I planned.
Mark me down as happy,
mark me down as upset.
If there’s a happy ending to this story,
well I guess I haven’t found it yet.
I don’t understand why two people
want to be together but end up alone.
Forgive me for saying,
but I wish I never had known.
I wish I never knew
how you felt about me.
I wish you’d never said
what I’d been dreaming all along,
call me wrong
but I can’t seem to understand.
I should be happy
but this didn’t work out like I planned.
I feel your heart beat,
even though you’re far away.
I am just around the corner,
how I wish that you could stay.
I cannot comprehend
why I can’t have you for my own.
Forgive me for saying,
but I wish I never had known.
I wish I never knew
how you felt about me.
I wish you’d never said
what I’d been dreaming all along,
call me wrong
but I can’t seem to understand.
I should be happy
but this didn’t work out like I planned.
If I had it my way
you’d be in my arms tonight.
If I had it my way
I would hold you til the morning light.
If I had it my way
I wouldn’t waste a single day,
I’d tell you how I feel inside
there’d be no more need to hide.
But I can’t hold you now
and I can’t hold you then.
If I can, then how?
If I can, then when?
I wish I never knew
how you felt about me.
I wish you’d never said
what I’d been dreaming all along,
call me wrong
but I can’t seem to understand.
I should be happy,
I should be happy,
but this didn’t work out like I planned.
Happy
Happy
I want so much to be happy,
happy for you
happy for me
happy for everything I know now.
But I know now.
Happy would be
you and me
together
I’m not saying
it’s gotta be
something like forever.
I’m talking about
being happy right now.
I could be happy
being with you
three months from now.
Who am I kidding
I’d go on living
but it’d drive me insane somehow.
I can’t stand the wait,
I can’t stand the time.
I want so much to be happy,
But you’re still not mine.
I want so much to be happy,
happy for you
happy for me
happy for everything I know now.
But I know now.
Happy would be
you and me
together
I’m not saying
it’s gotta be
something like forever.
I’m talking about
being happy right now.
I could be happy
being with you
three months from now.
Who am I kidding
I’d go on living
but it’d drive me insane somehow.
I can’t stand the wait,
I can’t stand the time.
I want so much to be happy,
But you’re still not mine.
I Wanna Get To Know You
I Wanna Get To Know You
(And I don’t just mean intimately)
There’s just something about you.
There’s a certain “je ne c’est quoi”.
There’s something in your eyes
taking me by surprise.
And ooh when I realize, I…
I wanna get to know you
(and I don’t just mean intimately)
cuz I got some things to show you
(and I don’t just mean all of me)
I got this feeling,
oh it’s setting me reeling
but oh, oh my
you could be the guy to…
let me get to know you
(and I don’t just mean biblically)
I’ll find a way to show you
how much you mean to me.
Then somewhere down the line
we could be floating on cloud nine.
And ooh oh my –
I wanna get to know you
(and I just don’t mean intimately)
cuz I got some things to show you
(and I don’t just mean all of me)
I got this feeling,
oh it’s setting me reeling
but oh, oh my
you could be the guy to…
let me get to know you
(and I don’t just mean biblically)
You see?
You and me?
This could be…
Perfectly.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Footsteps
I'm tracing my footsteps
back to who I once was,
back to when I was innocent
and the worst hurts were skinned knees,
bruised shins,
or bumped heads.
I want to be that little girl on the swing again,
whose feet never quite touched the ground
if she just pushed hard enough,
who thought she could fly
and nothing on earth could hold her down.
I wish I could go back to that time,
when happiness was a drippy popsicle,
or scented crayons,
or dancing with your best friend to country songs
outside on the front steps.
When rainy days were best for staying out in,
when we could play football in the street,
when we fished in our back yard
even if we never caught anything.
I want to be that little girl who thought she could do no wrong.
The girl who was excited about her schoolwork,
who answered the door in nothing but a nightshirt,
who spent all Valentine's Day at the carnival
and never cared that she never had a valentine at all.
Things were so much easier when the worst part of your day
was a thunderstorm you were scared of,
and even then it was an easy solution
we locked ourselves in the bathroom with a bunch of pillows and my dog,
and everything was suddenly okay.
I'm tracing my footsteps
back to who I once was,
but I can't find them anymore
and I think I'm losing her
for good.
back to who I once was,
back to when I was innocent
and the worst hurts were skinned knees,
bruised shins,
or bumped heads.
I want to be that little girl on the swing again,
whose feet never quite touched the ground
if she just pushed hard enough,
who thought she could fly
and nothing on earth could hold her down.
I wish I could go back to that time,
when happiness was a drippy popsicle,
or scented crayons,
or dancing with your best friend to country songs
outside on the front steps.
When rainy days were best for staying out in,
when we could play football in the street,
when we fished in our back yard
even if we never caught anything.
I want to be that little girl who thought she could do no wrong.
The girl who was excited about her schoolwork,
who answered the door in nothing but a nightshirt,
who spent all Valentine's Day at the carnival
and never cared that she never had a valentine at all.
Things were so much easier when the worst part of your day
was a thunderstorm you were scared of,
and even then it was an easy solution
we locked ourselves in the bathroom with a bunch of pillows and my dog,
and everything was suddenly okay.
I'm tracing my footsteps
back to who I once was,
but I can't find them anymore
and I think I'm losing her
for good.
This Can’t Be Right
This Can’t Be Right
There'll be no teardrops tonight on my pillow,
there's only the scent of regret in the air.
Here in my heart the fire's still burning,
you couldn't have meant it when you said
"I don't care".
Don’t you understand my heart used to beat just for you?
This isn’t how it was supposed to be,
I shouldn’t have ended up all alone
There'll be no teardrops tonight on my pillow,
there's only the scent of regret in the air.
Here in my heart the fire's still burning,
you couldn't have meant it when you said
"I don't care".
Don’t you understand my heart used to beat just for you?
This isn’t how it was supposed to be,
I shouldn’t have ended up all alone
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