Fade

Fade

Beauty fades.
Colors fade,
like the colors in your sweater
that bled in every wash,
but still left your scent
lingering in every fold.
I thought I'd found my better half,
turns out I was never broken.
You tried too hard to make me perfect,
and I'll never be perfect.
So now I'll let these flowers spill
onto the grave of our lost love.
The petals scatter in the wind,
like the fragments of poetry I tore into pieces.
But your picture
still brings me to tears,
even after all these years.

I don't think you know

I don't think you know

I don't think you know
how easily you make me smile.
When you're sitting on the other end
of a late-night phone call,
my face lights up with ever laugh
and I smile just to know
you're thinking of me.
I don't think you know
how easily you make me want
to live in a cliche,
corny, fairytale,
with you.

She just wants to fly away

She just wants to fly away

She just wants to fly away.
Everyday she prays,
God, give me wings
And let me fly away from here.
There’s a whole other world out there,
Some new patch of blue sky to explore,
So much better than this pavement I’m chained to.
Don’t leave me to die alone,
With these broken wings and crippled eyes.
I’m dying with every beat of my heart,
And all I want is to fly away.

Crying

Crying

Underneath the sweat,
Perspiration, bruised skin,
Falsehoods and lies,
Is a girl with beautiful eyes
Who smiles as she cries.

Silent and Cold

Silent and Cold

This room is silent and cold,
Like my heart is tonight.
No one’s caring,
I’m all alone once more
Freezing deep in my soul.
I wouldn’t blame you
If you never wanted to speak to me again,
I wouldn’t be surprised.
Honestly, what I did
Blew us apart so much.
It’s like there’s this huge gap,
So huge I can’t begin to fathom it,
A rift between us, keeping us apart.
I’ve ripped apart my own heart
Even though you were the one
Who should have been hurt.
Now you’re the one whose emotions are dead.
“I’m sorry” is a pointless saying,
It could never convey how truly I wish I could
Take back everything I said that night.
I wish things were normal
And not silent, and cold.

Stencil in Your Heart

Stencil in Your Heart

Stencil in your heart
With these plastic tears.
Wrap your soul in sheets of satin and tulle,
Lacy perfection lying beside you on the bed.
This is the end, isn’t it?
My heart is made of paper
And with every beat it tears apart,
So be gentle with it, please.
I twirl around in circles
Watching stars go flying by,
But everything below me is in slow-motion.
I’m falling apart.

Plastic Letters

Plastic Letters

These plastic letters don't mean anything,
these paper faces are just expressionless masks.
I'll stick those magnets to your wall
and spell out my message in neon colors.
"Hello, I'm your mind,
how's your heart been breaking?"
If I could dip my hands in finger paint
and smear them all over your face,
just to make you feel better about yourself,
you know I'd do it in a heartbeat.
So I stick those plastic letters to my wall
because I realize I've been talking to myself again.

Falsehood

Falsehood

You leave me with a smile
But it’s never real.
I can feel your betrayal,
With every beat of your heart it echoes.
I wish your emotion wasn’t so faked,
I wish you meant every word you said
But most especially “I love you”.
I want to take you in my arms
And just hold you through the night,
But honestly you don’t seem to want that.
You’re so superficial,
Even if you claim you’re not.
I guess I should paint you a picture
Of my reflection,
That seems to be what you love the most.

Tilt-O-Whirl

Tilt-O-Whirl

My life is like a Tilt-O-Whirl
Gone out of control.
The operator is nowhere in sight
And my lap bar’s broken,
So I guess I’m screwed.

Edge of Seventeen

Edge of Seventeen

Here I am,
Naïve and wide-eyed
And oh so ready for you to take me
Anywhere.
I’m coming into my own,
Finding new depths I never knew,
And I’m opening my eyes
For the first time.
Since I’ve been seventeen,
Nothing’s been the same.
I feel myself growing, changing,
Blossoming into something totally new.
There’s been more drama,
More rage and angst than before,
But I’ve gotten through it, somehow.
So here I am,
Inexperienced but so ready to learn.
Won’t you take me to the edge of seventeen?

Along for the Ride

Along for the Ride

I’m along for the ride
On your twisted Tilt-O-Whirl of angst,
Your creepy carousel I’ve feared.
You have no reasoning,
You have no compassion.
You’re so full of yourself,
Narcissistic,
Unrealistic.
You say you’re honest,
But I know you’re just scared and insecure.
So don’t call me immature,
Because I know I’m worthwhile
Even if you think I’m not.
You’re so robotic,
Such a sheep,
A follower.
I’m not one to bow down,
To follow meekly in your wake.
I am original,
Myself.
And you are afraid.

Ravish Me

Ravish Me

Break me
But don’t forsake me.
I need to know love
But no gentle flimsy thing,
Please.
I need strong, tough love,
Love that breaks down barriers
And destroys all doubt.
Love that rips through my soul like a tornado,
Tearing everything apart in its path.
I need a love that ravishes me,
Drives me to the brink of insanity
And leaves me panting on the floor.
Give me rapture,
Give me love.
Ravish me.

Label Me

Label Me

Paradox.
Enigma.
Freak.
Loser.
Outcast.
Athlete.
Poet.
Thinker.
Dreamer.
Artist.
Actress.
Drama queen.
Star.
Singer.
Punk.
Prep.
Goth.
Geek.
Fashionista.
Plastic.
Fake.
Bitter.
Twisted.
Gorgeous.
Ugly.
Crazy.
I am not what you label me.

Moshpit

Moshpit

Cramped.
Heat.
Body upon body,
Arm against arm
And back to front to back.
An empty Gatorade bottle is thrown
And someone yells out obscenities.
We pass tired people over our heads to the front,
They have a way out, we’re stuck.
Microphone feedback,
A drummer takes his seat.
The crowd surges forward.
I am pushed back and forth,
Swaying with the entire crowd,
Almost dragged under.
Our hands in the air
Forming rock on symbols and fists,
We jump in unison.

Night in the Field

Night in the Field

Spinning around in the rain,
Your hand caught mine
And the world stopped still.
We tumbled, laughing, to the grass,
You landing on top of me
And everything going in slow motion.
The night lit up with electricity
When you brushed your lips against mine.
And here we lay, hours gone by,
Sleeping in each other’s arms under the stars.
I trace your lips with my finger,
Your eyes flutter open
And you blink them hazily.
I smile at the sight
We don’t move an inch.

Plague

Plague

Your love is like the plague.
It leaves me choking,
Suffocating, gasping for breath
And I can’t escape your clutches.
Sometimes I can’t stand it
How your love closes in on me,
How every word you say
Makes me sick to my stomach.
You can’t see the trails of you on the outside,
There’s no marks to clue you in,
Just bruises and scars from days already gone by.
Your love infects me,
Infests me,
Burrows deep under my skin and refuses to leave.
You flow like poison through my veins,
Like a virus attacking my heart.
So if your love is like the plague,
Then I guess I’m doomed.

She hates her reflection.

She hates her reflection.

She hates her reflection.
The perfection frames her mirror,
Picture upon picture
Of model and actor and star,
All gorgeous, all fake.
She watches tears roll down
Already tear-stained cheeks,
Smearing eyeliner, melting away pretensions.
Another minute ticks by,
She’s lying
To herself, she’s no pinup girl
And she’s hating every minute of it.
Confidence? Nothing
Could be farther from the truth.
Another minute, and
She’s dying to be noticed.
A hand finds impetus,
Fingers curling into a fist
She hurtles toward the mirror.
Another minute gone,
She’s lying
On the floor her crumpled form
Amid the shards of glass.
Her eyes are so dull as
She reaches for a piece of glass and
Draws it carefully across her wrist,
So much amiss.
Here lies another “worthless” life
She won’t be missed.

Desolation

Desolation

Night falls on this desolate place,
there's nothing but moonlight and emptiness.
I'm crying but there's no one to catch my tears.
Do you not see she's dying?
She's lying...she's lying motionless on the ground,
and she's trying, she's trying to make it through.
But the tears fall like shards of glass
and she's tearing herself apart with every thought.
Twirling like a puppet on her strings,
she hangs her head and lets herself die.

The Religion of Love

The Religion of Love

Nothing is more powerful
Than the religion of Love.
No politics, no beliefs,
No sciences can surpass Love.
That which makes the heart beat faster,
The breath catch in the throat,
Is more dangerous
Than any illness.
The reaction of hands meeting,
Skin on skin,
The combustion from lips pressed together,
More outstanding than any discovery in science.
And the sound of your heartbeat beneath my ear,
More awe-inspiring than any poetry
I’ve ever read.

Shattered Soul

Shattered Soul

Lips curve upward,
Another smile faked
For the sake of normalcy.
Choke back those tears,
They’re threatening to spill all.
Keep your secrets deep inside,
Just keep parading that façade.
You swear it’s true,
I know it’s all a lie.
A fist smashes the mirror,
“you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful”
It’s never been true.
It cuts you from the inside.
But the blood trickling down knuckles distracts her,
And the feeling of being numb settles in.
Finally there’s some relief.
Collapsing to the floor,
She lets her body go
Watches from above
As the blood continues to flow.
Glass shards make no friendly advances.

Shattered

Shattered

Watching you walk away,
Hearing you break down,
Feeling your love leave me.
I’m shattered
There’s no other way to describe
My heart,
It withers.

Drama Queen

Drama Queen

Lights.
She steps out into the spotlight,
Blinded,
A smile on her ruby red lips.
Eyes, once downcasted,
Are now shining, full of light.
She’s ready.
The band begins
The queen’s taken the stage.

Girly-Girl

Girly-Girl

Check your compact.
Smack those shiny vinyl lips,
Curve them into a smile.
You’re beautiful.

Rainstorm

Rainstorm

Vague sound of rain,
Patters down on the sidewalk
In front of my feet,
Making little puddles I try to avoid.
I sidestep them like I sidestep you.
Once I danced through that rain,
Enjoying the cool feel of the drops in my hair.
I caught rain in my hands,
Tilted back my head under raindrops
Sliding down my throat.
But now – I run for cover,
Dashing from awning to awning
Trying to avoid you.
Your accusations fall on my like raindrops from a cloud,
Like hail or sleet,
Like lightning flashing in your eyes.
I never wanted it this way, you know.
But now I’m left running from your rainstorm,
Hands over my head,
Umbrella-less.

Rainbow (My Personal Statement)

Rainbow
(This poem was my original Personal Statement for college apps but I had to change it. Now I post it here.)

Rainbows have no beginning and no end,
an unexpected surprise from above
delighting us with their colors.
They are never the same,
different to everyone who beholds them.
Every time you see a rainbow
it’s unique.
You can’t touch a rainbow,
you can’t reach behind one.
They are light,
existing only in the eyes of those
who see them.
I am a rainbow.
No one sees me the same as you do,
I am unique to all who behold me.
You only see what you want to see,
sometimes only individual colors.
But I am not just red, just orange,
just yellow or green,
just blue or indigo or violet.
There is a rainbow that nobody knows,
a rainbow you can’t touch,
can’t see behind or around.
It has no end,
it stretches on forever.

Orange is my façade.
Student trying to do my best
Daughter trying to please
Friend sharing secrets and laughter.
Face in the crowd,
Identity guarded.
Face veiled in secrecy.

Yellow is my joy.
Writing that flows
without barriers.

Indigo.
Girls just wanna have fun.
Falling at the mall,
Face hurting from laughing,
Inside jokes.
Random, spontaneous
people I hang with.
Sing like no one’s listening.

Violet.
Unconditional love.
Eyes like open doors
into an animal’s soul.

Blue.
Waking to rain, inspiration fleeting.
Teardrop reflections,
Open my eyes to blackness.
Pressure
weighing on my mind.
Fear of walking out my door.
Nothing as simple
as it used to be.

Green
Insecurity, jealousy,
Gossip, afraid,
Angry, shy,
Impatient, death,
Thunderstorms, scary movies,
Depression,
Rejection.

Red.
The girl in the glimmering gown,
Fearless,
Confident.
At home with the bright lights,
when nothing else matters.
Just me and the audience,
No regrets.

Maybe you’ve never seen it.
It’s only there
when the lights shine brightly,
when I’m blinded
and everyone’s eyes are on me.
When I step onto the stage,
and my true colors shine,
and my essence is there
made up of all those colors,
those colors that make me whole.

Porcelain

Porcelain

Under this porcelain skin
lies everything you'll never see.
Behind these eyes is every secret
I will never spill.
See thru, see thru,
here's my blood pumping again
through my paper thin skin.
My wings are crumpled kites
I fall from the sky,
heartbroken.
I bruise easily,
under this porcelain skin.