Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Put a smile on your face,
and just let it slide.
Enlightenment is only a tiptoe away,
won’t you step right up,
step right up, folks.
Come see the greatest show on Earth.
You’re a tiger in a cage,
they pay to watch you pace.
Million and millions of faces,
a sea of waving programs,
they pass you by day by day.
You’re a well-oiled machine,
all the bells and whistles,
watch you go!
Beep, beep, beep.
Your heart’s racing faster and faster.
This is the end.

What Happens When We Die?

What Happens When We Die?

What happens when we die?
Is there a general pulling apart,
breaking down, disintegration
of body and soul and mind.
If your heart stops beating,
do you stop loving?
When your brain stops working,
do you stop understanding?
Is there some brilliant light,
a gradual comprehension,
“Oh this is it”?
Or is it sudden, startling,
a crash of knowledge,
“It’s all over!”
The darkness is overwhelming
my eyelids are too heavy,
I cannot stay awake any longer.

Inescapable

Inescapable

Your eyes are like artwork,
swirling seas that draw me in.
I have no choice,
I have no choice.
What happened to my integrity?
Where did my loyalty go
that used to lie so solidly in his hands?
I’m yearning now to give it all to you.
I cannot surrender my heart,
I’ve pledged it to someone else
but I cannot pull away from you.
I cannot comprehend what draws me so.
You are inescapable.

Resurrection

Resurrection

From your sleep,
rise, oh rise.
The moon is full,
high in the skies.
Cursed being,
it is time to feast.
Thou swarthy git,
thou wretched beast.
The world is waiting
at your beck and call.
Come, vampires,
rise, one and all.
Thou be not weak,
thou be so strong.
Everlasting,
centuries long.
From your bed of iniquity,
rise from your sleep.
The night is young,
there are promises to keep.

Silver Kiss

Silver Kiss

He draws me in,
smoldering coal black gaze
suffocating my breath,
I feel I’m drowning.
Lips on my neck,
I feel the promise of his silver kiss
he’s offering me immortality,
a life beside him for eternity.
I am drawn,
he is too strong.
Hypnotized,
I cannot move.
I heave a sigh
but his pale hands hold me fast,
I am falling into the darkness.
I am nothing but his next victim,
a flower withering on the stem.
He has captured me,
I am blessed with pallid face,
my reflection fades
as he pierces my veins.
I feel it flowing through me
as joyful as a curse,
as sweet as honey.

Cobblestones

Cobblestones

Come here child,
and take my hand.
I know there’s much
you still don’t understand.
This world is wide,
this world is cruel.
But you’ll learn all the answers,
if you just keep your cool.

Open your eyes,
open your heart.
You’ll be makin’ great changes
once you get to the start.
There is no easy road
so try your best to make it
even when you’re fallin’ on the cobblestones,
the cobblestones.

Come here child,
stand by me.
There’s something
that you gotta see.
The sky is big,
the oceans’ too.
And guess what child?
They’re all just waiting for you.

Open your eyes,
open your heart.
You’ll be makin’ great changes
once you get to the start.
There is no easy road
so try your best to make it
even when you’re fallin’ on the cobblestones,
the cobblestones, the cobblestones.
The cob-ob-ob-ble stones.

Captured

Captured

Spiderwebs of doubt
creep throughout, creep throughout,
in and out of my mind
trying to find
another niche, another crevice,
somewhere to bury themselves deep within.
I cannot escape you
but I cannot release you,
my deadly little butterfly
you are poison, you are poison.
Intoxicating, drawing me in,
fascinating, I can’t pull away.
I am dying slowly in your clutches,
captured, captured.

Breathing

Breathing

You’re so close it feels like you’re breathing just for me.
In, out, your breath is warm in my ear,
little soft gasps I feel all the way to the core of me.
I can feel your heartbeat,
I can feel the distance that is threatening,
that is drawing nearer and nearer
and I never thought I’d fall so hard.

Just a Girl.

Just a Girl.

This story’s getting old.
I swear I’ve told it a thousand different times.
In cinematic, symphonic waves
it circles round my brain.
Vulnerable, insufferable,
beautiful and evil all at once.
I’m everything and nothing,
a butterfly and a venomous snake,
curled in the grass
and biding my time.
I, I, I,
am very different from you, you, you.
See, in this equation,
I am X and you are Y
But we are not solving for anything.
We will not set us equal and change the signs,
I will not become just like you.
For, you see, I am me.
I am liquid, solid, gas,
ethereal & ephemeral,
radiant and awe-inspiring,
but still so very fragile and unlovable.

All I Need.

All I Need.

You make my legs shake.
I am nothing but Jello in your arms.
Kiss me now, I fear
your touch is the only way to keep me from falling.
Well, I guess I've fallen anyways,
for your eyes and your smile
and the way you wrap me up so tight
I cannot move, I cannot breathe.
I don't need to.
The rest of the world doesn't matter,
it never mattered.
Don't you know you're the only thing
that keeps me sane?
Don't you know you're the one,
the only one I've ever needed
more than oxygen, more than air?
I'll breathe you in
you're all I need.

Experiment.

Experiment.

Love is an experiment.
A combination of two hearts,
and a pair of scientists crossing their fingers
and hoping the reaction isn’t an explosion.
A pair of chemicals
(marked, highly combustible)
mixed together lightly in a beaker.
Add compassion, honesty, truth,
and, of course, chemistry.
Shake well.
Don’t forget your gloves
(be careful when handling,
hearts are fragile,
made of glass).

Untitled.

I hate the way you look at me as if I'm something special.
I know I never really mattered,
I know you lied your way into bed every time.
Why should now be any different?
We're still a mess of hips and hands,
and the hearts that you keep breaking.

Not Over You.

Not Over You.

I’m still not over you.
I’m still not ready to say
“I’m doing okay”.
My heart hasn’t mended.
We’re just friends and I’m so empty.
I only wanted to make you feel
like you were the only one.
Did I accomplish it?
Did I make you feel needed,
did I make you feel loved?
Was I ever enough for you?

Think of Me.

Think of Me.

When you hear Wonderwall,
I hope you think the front seat of my car
and the way you couldn't stop smiling
when you looked into my eyes.
When you think Breathe,
I hope you think of me
singing my heart out in the only way I could,
the only way I found to let you in.
When you hear a love song,
I hope you think of me.

Hopeless Romantic

Hopeless Romantic

I’m just a modern-day Juliet,
searching for her Romeo.
Just another in a sea of faces
striving to be recognized as special,
by that special one.
I fight against a stream of heartbreaks,
each one worse than the last
leading me towards that well of despair.
I’m just a damsel in distress waiting, waiting.
Waiting for my prince
to ride up on his cliché white horse,
and save me from me.
So call me hopelessly hopeless,
because I’m head over heels
in love with love.

Heart of Mine.

Heart of Mine.

You have stolen my heart,
and even though you ripped me apart
it seems you forgot to give it back to me.
I could never be good enough,
so maybe you should just keep it as a memento,
a trinket for you to press into your pocket
and forget about entirely.
You have turned my world completely upside down,
I never knew I cared so much.
Maybe I’m better off without that heart of mine.

Love Lessons.

A Lola Poem.

Lola hands me a tissue & two aspirin.
“Here, it’ll make you feel better.”
Nothing can make me feel better,
my heart’s been ripped out of my chest.
“I know. But time will heal it.”
I just stare at her.
You don’t know that,
you don’t know anything about love.
Her eyes are wide and white,
mine are red and bleary.
We stare at each other,
two halves of the same whole.
One heartbeat but two entirely different people.
She is so naïve, so new to the world,
and I am so hurt, so jaded.
She takes my hand.
“You’re right. I don’t know.
But maybe you can teach me.”

Why Did You Love Me For So Long?

Why Did You Love Me For So Long?

Why did you love me for so long?
You held my hand and looked into my eyes,
and I couldn’t help but wonder
just what it is you saw.
My hair isn’t long & blonde,
my body isn’t slim and graceful as a willow tree.
I cannot mold myself to the ways of the fashion zombies,
much as I try, hiding behind my oversized shades
striving to achieve perfection.
Every time you kissed my lips
I was wondering,
is this real? Am I dreaming?
That time in the car
when I sang to you in my clear voice,
every note resounding through the front seat.
I meant every word.
You sang back to me,
“After all, you’re my wonderwall,”
and now I can’t listen to that song
without seeing your deep brown eyes gazing into mine,
without feeling your lips on my shoulder.
Why did you love me for so long,
and where did it all go?
When did you decide there wasn’t a connection any longer?
When did it become so clear
that you could no longer pretend,
could no longer deny?
Why didn’t I ever see it coming?

This Is Me.

This Is Me.

This is me.
This is all my insecurities,
laid bare to your scrutiny.
This is me
tall as a willow tree,
striving just to be
as strong as I need be.
This is me.
This is every inch of me,
every cell screaming to be free.
This is me.
I am everything you see,
all this glory,
all this tragedy.
This is me,
graceful as I’ll ever be.
I don’t tiptoe around quietly.
This is me,
just beginning to leave,
leave it all behind me.
This is me
soaring free.
This is all I need to be.
It all fits so perfectly,
love and hate and envy.
This is me.

Worthless.

Worthless.

I am worthless.
Just a piece of gaudy costume jewelry
laying abandoned in the gutter,
ignored by passerby.
I am ugly,
never beautiful enough
to capture anyone’s attention,
not beautiful enough
to warrant any kind of love.
I am broken.
Broken-hearted,
broken-spirited,
broken-eyed.
Can’t you see the blood soaking my shirt
from the lips I bite so hard,
just to hold back the things I cannot say?
Can’t you see the hurt in my eyes
when you say you don’t love me anymore?

Bleeding.

Bleeding.

I thought you could be the one,
the one to rescue me
and make me feel whole again.
I was so broken,
mistrusting and paranoid,
one eye on the door at all times
even when wrapped in your arms.
But I gave in to you,
I let you have my heart
I let you have everything I am,
placing my total trust in someone
who broke my heart every time.
And yet I fell for every line you fed me,
I fell for your smile
and the soft touch of your hand,
hoping it would mend
that we could keep it alive.
But it all fell apart around me,
the shattered pieces of our love
raining down and leaving me bleeding.

Over.

Over.

Well I guess it’s really over,
there’s nothing left to say.
I feel tears form at the corners of my eyes.
I blink them away slowly,
one by one.
I thought I could be the one to fix you,
to make you see the light,
but I guess I wasn’t the one for you.
I wasn’t what you needed.
I can’t describe the pain inside,
I won’t even try,
it hurts too much to dwell on it.
I don’t want to be just friends,
I don’t want to talk it out
around and around in circles,
talking about worthless things
that never mattered.
I never mattered.

Escape.

Escape.

You’re like the wind,
slipping out between my fingers
unable to be captured.
I cannot keep you,
I cannot grasp you.
You’re something so intangible,
shape shifting & mysterious.
I try to catch you,
to place you under glass,
to keep you close to my heart always.
I can’t. I can’t.
No matter how fast I run,
you’re always just out of reach,
stretching beyond my fingertips.
Why do you always escape me?

Sleep, My Darling

Sleep, My Darling

Sleep, my darling.
You are a thousand miles away
but you feel so close tonight.
I twist and turn under a cocoon of blankets,
the sound of car horns
and ambulance sirens ringing in my ears,
while you sleep so soundly
in the quiet countryside.
I will miss you every second I am gone,
every fiber of my being reaching,
stretching home to you.
I will come home to you.

Vision.

Vision.

Late last night it came to me,
a vision floating in the dark blackness of the sky.
There among the stars I saw my answer,
The answer to life,
why we’re here on this planet
why we work so hard to stay.
I couldn’t understand it,
my vision was blurred and hazy.
But the words stayed imprinted in my mind.
“In the absence of love,
there is nothing worth fighting for.”
In a world with no love,
we would die,
we would die.

Connecting

Connecting

Connection, connection.
We combine,
we become more.
More than just two beings,
two hearts beating,
two sets of lungs gasping for air.
More than four hands grasping,
hair hanging in my face
you push away with trembling fingers,
eyes locking in a stare.
I float above us,
I watch us become one
until I’m brought shuddering back to reality,
waking up to an empty room.

Fake.

Fake.

Porcelain.
She is porcelain.
A china doll,
a paper plaything.
A shiny glass bauble
on a golden charm bracelet,
made to be envied
made to be cherished.
He puts her up on a pedestal,
locked away in a display case
under bright spotlights,
for everyone to see
for everyone to wish they had.
She paints her smile on,
plastic eyes
button nose,
cold hands.
A slice of perfection,
the epitome of beauty
and the envy of all.
She is so gorgeous,
she is so fake.

Fighter

Fighter

Regret cuts through her like a knife,
like the shards of glass she picks up off the floor,
in the aftermath of the fight
that tore her world apart.
“I won’t cry,” she tells herself,
“I won’t allow him the pleasure
of seeing me break.”
Inside her heart has been reduced to
nothing but broken seams,
and smashed plastic parts.
Her hands are birds with broken wings,
her eyes are painted on,
so hollow.
She faces him with bruises on her arms
and blood on her lips.
She faces him with tiger’s fangs
and the courage of a lion.