Transformed

Transformed

I am unholy.
See the mark on my forehead?
See the wounds on my throat?
Do you not realize how I shrink away from the light,
how I avoid mirrors
and shun your embraces?
My hands are covered in innocent blood,
I cannot be saved,
I cannot be saved.

Caricature of Intimacy

Caricature of Intimacy

I lick my lips
and taste my own blood.
Lying on the bathroom floor,
I am helpless.
I cannot move.
My arms feel heavier than all the steel in Manhattan,
I cannot feel my legs
though I know they must be there,
I can see my shoes with the heels broken off,
clothing discarded in a fit of passion,
laying across the bedroom floor.
The mirror is shattered,
my mind struggles to understand.
I cannot remember last night,
I cannot see out of my left eye.
Maybe I’ll just lay here for a while longer,
and taste my own blood.

Starlight

Starlight

Sudden brightness,
sudden heat.
Two lovers entangle in the starlight.
Their heartbeats are music in the night,
all who hear are silent, entranced.
I watch from under my tree cover,
longing for a lover of my own,
feeling oh so alone.

Hypnotic

Hypnotic

Hypnotize me.
You are like a snake charmer,
I keep my eyes locked on yours.
We are one for this simple moment in time.
I am the dragon within,
the very monster you abhor.
Do not fight me,
for you cannot win.
Just let me take you over,
let me hypnotize you,
with my curves and feminine wiles.
Let me own you.

Heart Pieces

Heart Pieces

I am tearing my heart into pieces.
It is so much easier to begin with a broken one,
so much easier to just dole out the pieces
to everyone who I feel deserves one.
Well, there’s the piece that is back home,
in the hands of a boy who never really cared
and only pretended he did.
And it beats slowly, oh so slowly,
but he doesn’t feel a thing,
no he doesn’t feel a thing.
Another piece is being offered,
tentatively, fearfully, to another,
one who doesn’t hear it,
one who doesn’t understand,
and one who might not even truly care.
There’s another piece I’m holding now,
contemplating on whether to give it away.
My head keeps telling me, “I don’t know”
and “maybe the signs are wrong”,
but slowly it’s leaving my hands and heading towards his.
The last piece is my own, my very own,
I cannot give it away,
for no one can hold my entire heart in his hands.

Your Name

Your Name

I’m not missing you.
I can watch the couples walk by,
oblivious in their absolute bliss,
and not get a single pang of loneliness
and not wish you were here.
I can sleep at night,
yes I can sleep
without dreaming of you even once,
without wishing you were laying here in my arms.
I can walk right by your picture on my wall,
I can sit below it and never feel a thing.
Oh, but all it takes is the mention of your name,
and I fall to pieces all over again.

Flayed

Flayed

I peel away your memory,
like flaying skin from bone.
It is not entirely painless.
I dig out the scent of your skin
from where it has collected under my fingernails.
I will ache in the morning,
it is a promise.
Tonight I will scrub and scrub
until my tender skin bleeds,
scrub away your touches, caresses,
and such.
I will draw your kisses from my lips,
like a deadly serum that kept me paralyzed for so long.
I no longer want your poison.

Missing You

Missing You

I miss you when the wind blows
soft across my face,
reminding me of your touch,
your hands, your lips
kissing my cheeks, shoulders, nose, lips.
I miss you when the sun shines
warm upon my arms,
reminding me of holding hands
on muggy summer days
and blaring rock music.
I miss you when it rains,
when I’m walking slow through a storm,
face uplifted to the sky,
reminding me of running through uit
with you by my side,
ponchos stuck to our skin
sharing our secret laughter together.
I miss you when I close my eyes
laying lonely in my bed,
reminding me of when once we laid so close,
wrapped up in each other
never wanting to let go.
I miss you when I open my eyes
and you are still not there.

Mesmerized

Mesmerized

The wind is harsh through the trees,
he is watching me from the shadows.
I am naked to his gaze,
there is nowhere to hide
when his eyes are peeled,
he can see through to my very soul.
The candle drips wax down my fingers,
he is liquid fire in its waning light.
I am mesmerized.

Lady Macbeth

Lady Macbeth

There is blood on my hands,
there is guilt on my back.
I can feel the world crumble around me.
It’s my fault, it’s my fault,
I cannot escape
from the demons
that haunt my every move.
My face is pale,
my hands are stained.
I cannot clean away the blood,
the guilt.
“Out, out damn spot!”
Leave me be, leave me be.
I cannot wander forever,
feeling this as I do.
Oh, forgive me, dearest,
I knew not what we’d done.

Foolish Hearts

Foolish Hearts

In the darkness there’s a heartbeat,
foolish, foolish.
There is silence where the roads meet,
loveless, loveless.
The wind is cold and cruel,
the night is long and dark.
Not a single leaf is stirred
on the branches of the trees
in the park.
There is terror in the air,
there’s a whisper on the breeze.
Everyone is sleeping, sleeping,
no one scarcely breathes.
The children cry, the children cry,
cold and lonely in their beds.
There’s not a one, there’s not a one,
with comforting thoughts
inside their heads.
The night is young, the night is young,
its creatures are now stirring.
Can’t you hear, can’t you hear,
their hungry, deadly purring?

Need Me

Need Me

My hands are like butterflies,
floating softly through the air.
I let them flutter
across your back, arms, chest.
Your eyes are deep blue pools,
entire oceans containing multitudes
or maybe giant sparkling sapphires,
gleaming faceted in the sunlight.
I long to hold you closer,
to discover your hidden secrets
and release your inner demons.
I want to taste your lips,
find out if you need me,
if you need me.
My eyes are deep and dark and mysterious,
I am unreadable,
I am ethereal.
You cannot catch me,
you cannot hold me,
I slither through your fingers
like fog through the branches of the trees.
But I will let you have me,
I will not leave your side,
if only you would tell me
you need me,
you need me.

How Lovely

How Lovely

The pendulum swings back,
towards beating hearts
and wide eyes flutter.
She is the swell of violins,
the sweet scent of roses in the summer air,
a breeze through pines in twilight.
Her hands are quick as birds,
flying across her back
as she laces, laces, laces up tight.
The night is young yet,
there’s still time enough for mischief,
for exclamations of lovers in the moonlight.
Her fair cheek is flushed already,
she catches her breath
and loses her balance.
Look how pretty she is,
as she falls down.
Look how lovely,
how lovely.

Oxygen

Oxygen

Please don’t leave me,
I can’t breathe without you.
I can’t be without you.
You are my oxygen,
my oxygen.
I depend on you too much,
Place too much trust in you.
But you are earth
and wind and sky to me.
You are my deepest ocean,
my longest desert,
my tallest mountain peak
I could never conquer, never scale.
You are air and water and sustenance,
touch and taste and sight.
Don’t leave me now,
I can’t breathe without you,
I can’t be without you.

Lament 2

Lament 2

I cannot have him.
He is not so high above me,
but I feel that he is ions away,
so very far away,
even when I hold him in my arms.
I cannot stop myself from falling,
from trusting him completely
like I haven’t trusted anyone
in the longest time,
letting myself open to him,
letting myself love him.

The Rehab Chronicles

The Rehab Chronicles

Day 1 –
She is fragile, frail,
emotionally scarred.
Her hands shake in her lap
as she sits silently in the circle.
Would you like to share?
She makes no sound.
Her arms are bandaged,
her eyes are blackened.
She makes no sound.
The world spins slowly around.


Day 5 –
She is shaking and scared,
hands clasped together tight.
They are all staring at her,
judging her,
she knows it.
The girl beside her tells her story,
now it’s her turn, they turn to her.
She makes no sound.
Her bruises have not faded,
her scars will never heal.
She makes no sound.
The world spins slowly around.


Day 10 –
Her eyes dart around
as she watches the circle
where everyone is hugging,
crying, healing.
She gently unwraps a bandage,
watches it unravel from her arm.
She makes no sound.
The circle has stopped hugging,
they are watching her unravel.
She makes no sound.
The world spins slowly around.


Day 15 –
Her arms are barren,
covered in angry red scars.
She picks softly at a scab.
Her eyes meet another’s across the circle.
Won’t you share with us today?
She makes no sound.
Her eyes are no longer blackened,
they have faded to normal coloring.
Still she makes no sound.
The world spins slowly round.

Day 30 –
She smiles at a new girl,
who sits silently across the circle,
staring at the floor.
She raises her arms and slowly speaks,
“I tried to kill myself,
because my step-father beat me.”
She makes no sound,
the new girl across the circle,
but her eyes dart around.
She makes no sound,
and the world spins slowly around.

Not Understand Me

Not Understand Me

How do you know
exactly where my secrets lie?
How do you know
exactly how to make me sing?
How do you know
everything I try to hide?
I am not afraid,
I will go blindly into the dark
as long as you stay by my side.
Would you hold me now
if I asked you to,
if I begged you to?
I don’t understand all the things you do.
I wonder, do you not understand me too?

Hello Beautiful

Hello Beautiful

Hello beautiful,
won’t you stay with me
and bring color to my life?
Hello wonderful,
oh, won’t you be mine?
I’ve longed for you, for you.
You are what I’ve always wanted,
I’ve been crossing my fingers
hoping against hope
that you might be mine.
She couldn’t love you like I could,
I know it.
Hello beautiful,
won’t you stay with me
and bring color to my life?

What Does It Mean to Be Undead?

What Does It Mean to Be Undead?

What does it mean to be undead?
Do the lungs breathe,
does the heart beat?
Are we human if we never sleep,
waking corpses roaming the earth
like lonely, hungry wolves.
We feed on your life forces,
gaining sustenance
from the veins we suck dry.
What does it mean to be undead?
Do the eyes see,
do the ears hear?
Do we wander like zombies,
aimless and satanic?
Are we alive?
Are we alive?
Or are we something different,
living and breathing and dying and rotting?
What does it mean to be undead?

Werewolf.

Werewolf.

Grinning teeth and gleaming eyes,
he crouches in the trees
watching, watching, watching me.
There’s blood on his mouth
and fear in my eyes,
I feel it stirring in the air tonight.
This is the witching hour,
the moon is high,
there’s not one star up in the sky.
My heart beats faster,
I’m giving in.
I cannot fight him.

Girl in the Mirror

Girl in the Mirror

I do not recognize the girl in the mirror.
She stares me down,
dark-eyed and bloody-mouthed.
She’s ready to bolt.
She’s ready to leave me.
“I can’t take this anymore.”
I know, I know.
I wipe my lips with the back of my hand,
smearing blood,
and I start to cry.
The rings of bruises round my eyes sting.
And the girl in the mirror
is disappearing,
bit by bit.

White Daisy

White Daisy

She dwells in secret places,
following shadows,
stalking the night.
Her eyes are coal fire in the darkness,
stealing light from the moon
and making it their own.
She moves in graceful ways,
treading softly,
body like liquid in the moonlight.
She is poison,
and she is perfection,
all fluttering eyelashes
and curves that beg you to touch.

Pulled Under

Pulled Under (a song)

She hides her bruises
with makeup and sleeves.
No one ever sees
the marks he leaves.
Behind her dark glasses,
the tears she cries.
She lies and lies
and no one will realize…

That she’s caught in a cycle,
she’ll never get out.
She’s too scared to notice,
to scream or to shout.
She’s caught in a nightmare,
they’ll never understand.
But she swears that she loves her man.
She’s being pulled under again.

He stumbles towards her
and she shrinks in fear.
Nobody will hear,
nobody will care.
The world is all sleeping,
there’s a cry in the dark.
Her eyes lose their spark,
she is lost to the dark.

She’s caught in a cycle,
she’ll never get out.
She’s too scared to notice,
to scream or to shout.
She’s caught in a nightmare,
they’ll never understand.
But she swears that she loves her man.
She’s being pulled under again.

In the morning the sun will rise,
but there’s a beautiful girl who won’t open her eyes.
Laying all alone on the living room floor,
she won’t have to suffer anymore.

She’s caught in a cycle,
she’ll never get out.
She’s too scared to notice,
to scream or to shout.
She’s caught in a nightmare,
they’ll never understand.
Still she stood by her man.
And now she’s been pulled under…again.

Love and Loss

Love and Loss (a song)

The days stretched on
and the nights flew fast.
We lived in each other,
building memories to last.
The hot summer sun
sunk low in the trees.
You promised yourself,
you said you’d never leave.

We were racing the clock,
we were racing the world.
You were my savior,
and I was your girl.

Oh, it all came so fast,
I just couldn’t believe.
You were gone just like that,
like the leaves from the trees.
The harsh winter rain
froze my tears into snow.
How can I go on without you?
I just don’t know.

You were holding my hand,
you were holding my heart.
We never saw it coming,
but it tore us apart.
I watched you in horror,
as you were taken away
on that busy highway,
in the bright summer day.

We were racing the clock,
we were racing the world.
You were my savior,
and I was your girl.

Oh, it all came so fast,
I just couldn’t believe.
You were gone just like that,
like the leaves from the trees.
The harsh winter rain
froze my tears into snow.
How can I go on without you?
I just don’t know.

Now I’m back home for the first time since then,
and I’m standing by your headstone

just remembering when we were racing the clock,
we were racing the world.
You were always my savior,
I was your baby girl.

Oh, it all came so fast,
I just couldn’t believe.
Oh, how could I go on without you?
Oh, how could you leave?

I’ll never know.

Universe

Universe

Stars burst.
The night sky is alive
with diamonds, rubies,
explosions of amethyst.
The light splits the world in two,
we are nothing but statues
in a living garden.
I see fireworks
painted, on the insides of my eyelids.
You are quiet and solemn
as I trace your cheeks,
your eyes watch the clouds.
The moon is a Pharoah in the sky,
we watch her hold court
over every glowing planet.
We are all just specks
competing for attention,
enough to give us breath.

Everything

Everything

You are my only one,
you are the sun in my sky.
You are my one true love,
you give me wings to fly.
You do not understand,
how I believe in you.
You just cannot see
how I love all that you do.

You take my hand,
you take my heart.
You leave my side,
I fall apart.

You are my everything,
the air I breathe,
the blood inside of me.
You are my heartbeat,
you’re all I need,
you are in everything I see.

You are the hand I hold,
you are the one I live for.
You make my heart beat fast,
you are the one I adore.
You came and saved my soul,
I never felt so complete.
I searched for so long,
you are the love of my life.

You take my hand,
you take my heart.
You leave my side,
I fall apart.

You are my everything,
the air I breathe,
the blood inside of me.
You are my heartbeat,
you’re all I need,
you are in everything I see.

Reflections in Religion Class

Reflections in Religion Class

I think to myself,
“Star light, star bright.”
I look outside
and see only sunlight.
I think to myself,
“Love conquers all.”
And yet there’s no hands
to catch me when I fall.
I say to myself,
“We are who we pretend to be.”
I realize that I don’t
even know the real me.
I say to myself,
“Live and let live.”
I open my heart,
I being to give.

“I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.”

I think to myself,
“What a beautiful girl.”

Yours & Mine

Yours & Mine

You do what I can’t,
you see what I don’t.
You learn what you can,
I know what you won’t.
Together we grow,
like flowers on the vine.
I know I am yours,
you know you are mine.