The Break-Up (July 17th, 2006)
So there it is,
so there it goes.
Shattered pieces of what we were
scattered on the floor.
I guess we tried
but it wasn’t enough,
well isn’t that how it ends up?
I try to ignore the memories,
because letting them rise to the surface
would absolutely break me.
You say you don’t know how to feel.
Okay, I’ll let you go
to figure it out once and for all.
I’ll be waiting.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
This is How It Goes
This is How It Goes
Blink. Blink. Open. Shut.
Breathe. Breathe. In. out.
Don’t you dare cry,
better to hold it all inside.
Never let them know your feelings,
don’t ever let them show.
Lonely is not an option,
living is not an option.
Not an option,
not an option,
not an option.
Blink. Blink. Open. Shut.
Breathe. Breathe. In. out.
Don’t you dare cry,
better to hold it all inside.
Never let them know your feelings,
don’t ever let them show.
Lonely is not an option,
living is not an option.
Not an option,
not an option,
not an option.
Being Me.
Being Me.
These four walls hold me prisoner.
I just can’t escape the thoughts inside my head,
they keep telling me
you don’t care about me.
I can’t make them stop,
I can’t get away
no matter how hard I bang my head.
Every move I make,
leads me closer to the edge,
I can’t stand being me.
These four walls hold me prisoner.
I just can’t escape the thoughts inside my head,
they keep telling me
you don’t care about me.
I can’t make them stop,
I can’t get away
no matter how hard I bang my head.
Every move I make,
leads me closer to the edge,
I can’t stand being me.
Butterfly.
Butterfly.
You swim through my mind
like a fish through the ocean,
but I won’t try to capture you this time.
I had you once, trapped in a jar.
A beautiful butterfly longing to be free.
I opened my hands
and watched you fly away,
off into the endless sea of blue sky
so free.
Now I’m waiting for you
to fly back to me.
You swim through my mind
like a fish through the ocean,
but I won’t try to capture you this time.
I had you once, trapped in a jar.
A beautiful butterfly longing to be free.
I opened my hands
and watched you fly away,
off into the endless sea of blue sky
so free.
Now I’m waiting for you
to fly back to me.
My Angel.
My Angel.
I used to think you were my angel.
Now I know you have no wings,
there is no halo above your head.
There’s so much left unsaid,
almost too much to try and mend this rift.
It feels as wide as the ocean.
Every day that passes,
slow and uncertain,
is like torture to my heart.
I feel you growing more distant.
I don’t know how to stop it.
I used to think you were my angel.
Now I know you have no wings,
there is no halo above your head.
There’s so much left unsaid,
almost too much to try and mend this rift.
It feels as wide as the ocean.
Every day that passes,
slow and uncertain,
is like torture to my heart.
I feel you growing more distant.
I don’t know how to stop it.
She
She
She used to be so perfect,
before the liquor and the love
and the drunken confessions in the moonlight.
She used to be your girl,
before the incident and the blow-ups,
and the words neither of you could take back.
She used to have it all,
lyrics penned about her captivating smile
and the comfort of knowing
that the world was always on her side.
She sits alone and wonders
how it all went wrong,
and every day that passes by
just leaves her more confused.
She used to be so perfect.
She had an entire world at her feet,
lit up like candlelight in the darkness.
Now where has it all gone?
She used to be so perfect,
before the liquor and the love
and the drunken confessions in the moonlight.
She used to be your girl,
before the incident and the blow-ups,
and the words neither of you could take back.
She used to have it all,
lyrics penned about her captivating smile
and the comfort of knowing
that the world was always on her side.
She sits alone and wonders
how it all went wrong,
and every day that passes by
just leaves her more confused.
She used to be so perfect.
She had an entire world at her feet,
lit up like candlelight in the darkness.
Now where has it all gone?
Incurable.
Incurable.
Who could ever learn to love a beast?
We are not the cure,
we are the disease
killing off whoever stands in our path,
undiagnosable, incurable.
Yes, we will take you down,
like traps laid in the forest.
Be careful where you step.
Who could ever learn to love a beast?
We are not the cure,
we are the disease
killing off whoever stands in our path,
undiagnosable, incurable.
Yes, we will take you down,
like traps laid in the forest.
Be careful where you step.
The End.
The End.
Here is the end.
I’ve run out of blank pages
and I’ll start over once again.
I’m signing off,
I’m signing my life away.
I’m just a girl
with an overactive imagination
and a pen in hand,
and too much free time.
But this girl’s got the gift of rhyme.
Yeah, she might screw up with love,
but she sure spins a great story.
Here is the end.
I’ve run out of blank pages
and I’ll start over once again.
I’m signing off,
I’m signing my life away.
I’m just a girl
with an overactive imagination
and a pen in hand,
and too much free time.
But this girl’s got the gift of rhyme.
Yeah, she might screw up with love,
but she sure spins a great story.
Lion
Lion
She’s like a lion,
bushy-haired
and iron-clawed.
With bright red lips
and smoke-filled eyes,
she takes it with a toothy smile.
You cannot break the girl
who cares nothing for you.
She’ll flick her paw
and lay you open.
You’ll never see it coming.
She’s like a lion,
bushy-haired
and iron-clawed.
With bright red lips
and smoke-filled eyes,
she takes it with a toothy smile.
You cannot break the girl
who cares nothing for you.
She’ll flick her paw
and lay you open.
You’ll never see it coming.
Explore.
Explore.
Her lips are like morphine.
She draws you in
with burning eyes,
like cigarettes in the night.
A flick of the wrist,
and she has you on your knees,
begging for a chance.
She lights a cigarette,
blows ring around your face
and smiles at your expression.
She just might break you,
and she just might burn you
but she just might save you
if you let her try.
She’s all diamond rings
and lace in secret places,
she guides your hand to explore.
With her blessing,
you’ll explore.
Her lips are like morphine.
She draws you in
with burning eyes,
like cigarettes in the night.
A flick of the wrist,
and she has you on your knees,
begging for a chance.
She lights a cigarette,
blows ring around your face
and smiles at your expression.
She just might break you,
and she just might burn you
but she just might save you
if you let her try.
She’s all diamond rings
and lace in secret places,
she guides your hand to explore.
With her blessing,
you’ll explore.
Beast.™
Beast.™
I am a killer.
Ruthless.
Fearless.
I stalk my prey in the darkness.
You cannot escape.
I am a trained predator,
Natural instincts
sense of fear
leads me straight to you.
My eyes are sharp,
so are my fangs.
Can you handle me?
I am a killer.
Ruthless.
Fearless.
I stalk my prey in the darkness.
You cannot escape.
I am a trained predator,
Natural instincts
sense of fear
leads me straight to you.
My eyes are sharp,
so are my fangs.
Can you handle me?
Feelings
Feelings
I dance around my feelings,
afraid to put them on display.
I’m scared of you knowing,
I know exactly what you’ll say.
I hate it when you screw up
and act like it’s my fault.
I get all the blame, and you,
you just do what you want.
Our arguments always end the same,
we just don’t speak for days.
It’s not the way I planned it,
it’s just the way our story plays.
I dance around my feelings,
afraid to put them on display.
I’m scared of you knowing,
I know exactly what you’ll say.
I hate it when you screw up
and act like it’s my fault.
I get all the blame, and you,
you just do what you want.
Our arguments always end the same,
we just don’t speak for days.
It’s not the way I planned it,
it’s just the way our story plays.
Sick & Tired.
Sick & Tired.
I can see myself,
like I’m looking in a mirror.
Every move I make,
carefully scripted.
I sculpt my life for your acceptance,
but somehow it is never enough.
I blow kisses at the second chances
as you blow them off,
one by one.
Lately it seems as if you never care
and all I do is care too much.
So here’s another wasted smile,
here’s another wasted night
I spent crying over you.
I’m tired of walking this tightrope,
Tiptoeing on eggshells
and hoping you’re in the right mood.
I’m tired of being neglected,
rejected.
I’m tired of feeling like it’s through.
I can see myself,
like I’m looking in a mirror.
Every move I make,
carefully scripted.
I sculpt my life for your acceptance,
but somehow it is never enough.
I blow kisses at the second chances
as you blow them off,
one by one.
Lately it seems as if you never care
and all I do is care too much.
So here’s another wasted smile,
here’s another wasted night
I spent crying over you.
I’m tired of walking this tightrope,
Tiptoeing on eggshells
and hoping you’re in the right mood.
I’m tired of being neglected,
rejected.
I’m tired of feeling like it’s through.
Sick & Tired.
Sick & Tired.
I can see myself,
like I’m looking in a mirror.
Every move I make,
carefully scripted.
I sculpt my life for your acceptance,
but somehow it is never enough.
I blow kisses at the second chances
as you blow them off,
one by one.
Lately it seems as if you never care
and all I do is care too much.
So here’s another wasted smile,
here’s another wasted night
I spent crying over you.
I’m tired of walking this tightrope,
Tiptoeing on eggshells
and hoping you’re in the right mood.
I’m tired of being neglected,
rejected.
I’m tired of feeling like it’s through.
I can see myself,
like I’m looking in a mirror.
Every move I make,
carefully scripted.
I sculpt my life for your acceptance,
but somehow it is never enough.
I blow kisses at the second chances
as you blow them off,
one by one.
Lately it seems as if you never care
and all I do is care too much.
So here’s another wasted smile,
here’s another wasted night
I spent crying over you.
I’m tired of walking this tightrope,
Tiptoeing on eggshells
and hoping you’re in the right mood.
I’m tired of being neglected,
rejected.
I’m tired of feeling like it’s through.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Float Away
Float Away
Beauty is elusive.
It races through my mind,
like a doe through the forest
nothing but instinct saying “run”
and the sound of the hunter,
gaining, gaining.
I race towards the seashore,
I find nothing, nothing,
nothing but sand
that slips through my fingers
like you did.
I cannot breathe.
The air is too thick
with lovers professing in the moonlight.
It makes me sick.
I cannot see, the alcohol blurs my vision
and I scrabble for purchase,
fruitlessly,
in the sand.
I awaken to the tide
creeping slowly round my knees,
pulling at my arms
and whispering “please stay”.
I lay back
and watch myself float away.
Beauty is elusive.
It races through my mind,
like a doe through the forest
nothing but instinct saying “run”
and the sound of the hunter,
gaining, gaining.
I race towards the seashore,
I find nothing, nothing,
nothing but sand
that slips through my fingers
like you did.
I cannot breathe.
The air is too thick
with lovers professing in the moonlight.
It makes me sick.
I cannot see, the alcohol blurs my vision
and I scrabble for purchase,
fruitlessly,
in the sand.
I awaken to the tide
creeping slowly round my knees,
pulling at my arms
and whispering “please stay”.
I lay back
and watch myself float away.
Regret.
Regret.
Knife to the back,
gun to my head.
Maybe I am better off dead.
You call it love,
well I call it pain.
Maybe they’re right & I am to blame.
No more words,
we can’t make it right.
Darling I know you’ll put up a fight.
Can’t work it out,
I’m not misunderstood.
You’re running away, I knew that you would.
Kiss on my neck,
hand on my thigh.
I told you no, I told you goodbye.
A scream in the dark,
I break down and cry.
I can feel something inside of me die.
No second chance,
nothing left for you here.
I know what you’re thinking but don’t you dare.
Knife to the back,
shot to the heart.
I loved you once,
I was in the dark.
Knife to the back,
gun to my head.
Maybe I am better off dead.
You call it love,
well I call it pain.
Maybe they’re right & I am to blame.
No more words,
we can’t make it right.
Darling I know you’ll put up a fight.
Can’t work it out,
I’m not misunderstood.
You’re running away, I knew that you would.
Kiss on my neck,
hand on my thigh.
I told you no, I told you goodbye.
A scream in the dark,
I break down and cry.
I can feel something inside of me die.
No second chance,
nothing left for you here.
I know what you’re thinking but don’t you dare.
Knife to the back,
shot to the heart.
I loved you once,
I was in the dark.
Believe.
Believe.
Breathe.
My lungs fill with ease,
but the air’s not as sweet
as it once tasted,
when your hand and my hand
found each other
across a sea of blankets,
when our lips fought for purchase
on any patch of bared skin.
See.
My eyes are wide open,
but nothing’s as clear
as the stars above our heads were.
In a crowded place I could only see you,
when the Heaven’s erupted
and I grabbed you by the hand
and whispered “Isn’t it beautiful?” into your ear.
Believe.
I can still put trust in
everything I once did,
but it seems foolhardy & trite
without you lying by my side.
And still I believe,
in you,
in me.
Breathe.
My lungs fill with ease,
but the air’s not as sweet
as it once tasted,
when your hand and my hand
found each other
across a sea of blankets,
when our lips fought for purchase
on any patch of bared skin.
See.
My eyes are wide open,
but nothing’s as clear
as the stars above our heads were.
In a crowded place I could only see you,
when the Heaven’s erupted
and I grabbed you by the hand
and whispered “Isn’t it beautiful?” into your ear.
Believe.
I can still put trust in
everything I once did,
but it seems foolhardy & trite
without you lying by my side.
And still I believe,
in you,
in me.
Worth
Worth
You make me feel so vulnerable,
like every move
leaves me more open
to your cold eyes.
I wish you’d care about me,
but obviously, oh so obviously
you couldn’t care less.
The tears slip down my cheek,
I never cried before you came along.
Is it all worth it?
Will it be worth it in the end?
You make me feel so vulnerable,
like every move
leaves me more open
to your cold eyes.
I wish you’d care about me,
but obviously, oh so obviously
you couldn’t care less.
The tears slip down my cheek,
I never cried before you came along.
Is it all worth it?
Will it be worth it in the end?
9. The Fight
9. The Fight
5 minutes have passed
since the slamming of the door.
10 since he screamed
“you’re worthless”,
and she ducked under a spray of shattering glass.
Tears slide gently down her face,
rolling silently towards the floor.
She sits with her back against the counter,
regretting everything she ever said
but mostly the words
“I love you”.
5 minutes have passed
since the slamming of the door.
10 since he screamed
“you’re worthless”,
and she ducked under a spray of shattering glass.
Tears slide gently down her face,
rolling silently towards the floor.
She sits with her back against the counter,
regretting everything she ever said
but mostly the words
“I love you”.
8. Summer
8. Summer
Summer breeze always reminds me of you.
It always blows in from the shore,
bringing the scent of sea
and summers we spent together.
The trees used to whisper our names
as we lay together counting the stars.
We’d stay out for hours,
twirling in the rain
or wandering near and far.
It didn’t matter as long as we were together.
Summer breeze always reminds me of you.
It always blows in from the shore,
bringing the scent of sea
and summers we spent together.
The trees used to whisper our names
as we lay together counting the stars.
We’d stay out for hours,
twirling in the rain
or wandering near and far.
It didn’t matter as long as we were together.
7. Free
7. Free
To be perfectly honest,
sometimes I feel the need to be free.
A yearning to face my fears
and try to make it on my own.
I want to love recklessly,
let my hair blow in the wind.
I can see her, the girl I want to be,
she’s right in front of me,
living on the edge of it all
without a care without a thought
of what the future might bring.
Wish I could throw off these shackles,
break free of these four walls
find some one new to be.
I’d abandon myself,
left behind on the shore,
and I’d tell him everything I really feel.
To be perfectly honest,
sometimes I feel the need to be free.
A yearning to face my fears
and try to make it on my own.
I want to love recklessly,
let my hair blow in the wind.
I can see her, the girl I want to be,
she’s right in front of me,
living on the edge of it all
without a care without a thought
of what the future might bring.
Wish I could throw off these shackles,
break free of these four walls
find some one new to be.
I’d abandon myself,
left behind on the shore,
and I’d tell him everything I really feel.
6. Don’t Back Away
6. Don’t Back Away
Don’t back away.
Look into my eyes and feel safe.
I know your heart is beating faster
and your eyes are widened,
you’re scared of what’s to come.
But baby, I’m in uncharted waters here.
No one will ever save you
if they can’t ever find you.
Yeah, I know it’s dark outside,
but there’s a light inside my soul,
and I will keep you warm til morning.
Don’t back away.
Look into my eyes and feel safe.
I know your heart is beating faster
and your eyes are widened,
you’re scared of what’s to come.
But baby, I’m in uncharted waters here.
No one will ever save you
if they can’t ever find you.
Yeah, I know it’s dark outside,
but there’s a light inside my soul,
and I will keep you warm til morning.
5. We’ll Burn
5. We’ll Burn
Anticipation, longing, patience.
Patience, it will come.
The stars will disappear
And all at once life will make some kind of sense.
The trees won’t look so deadly
in the cold light of morning,
I swear.
We’ll burn, we’ll burn.
Anticipation, longing, patience.
Patience, it will come.
The stars will disappear
And all at once life will make some kind of sense.
The trees won’t look so deadly
in the cold light of morning,
I swear.
We’ll burn, we’ll burn.
4. Invincible.
4. Invincible.
Solitary.
Every piano key
resounds inside my heart,
tugs at my thoughts
and sets them spinning like a ferris wheel.
In the darkness I could be anyone.
I could be anywhere.
Or nothing,
just a ghost
lingering at the edge of your mind.
I could be…invincible.
Solitary.
Every piano key
resounds inside my heart,
tugs at my thoughts
and sets them spinning like a ferris wheel.
In the darkness I could be anyone.
I could be anywhere.
Or nothing,
just a ghost
lingering at the edge of your mind.
I could be…invincible.
Secret Place
Secret Place
There’s a secret place I go,
when all the world is dead and cold.
I sit in my treehouse and watch the cars,
or lie on my back and count the stars.
I pick myself a bouquet or two,
bring it inside my mind to fight the gloom.
With my journal and my pen in hand,
I write about this secret land.
No one’s there to lecture me,
on how to act or who to be.
I can just sit quietly by myself
and put my fears up on a shelf.
And if one day you find I’m gone,
know I’ve packed up and just moved on
to my secret place, where I will roam,
that secret place I’ll call my home.
There’s a secret place I go,
when all the world is dead and cold.
I sit in my treehouse and watch the cars,
or lie on my back and count the stars.
I pick myself a bouquet or two,
bring it inside my mind to fight the gloom.
With my journal and my pen in hand,
I write about this secret land.
No one’s there to lecture me,
on how to act or who to be.
I can just sit quietly by myself
and put my fears up on a shelf.
And if one day you find I’m gone,
know I’ve packed up and just moved on
to my secret place, where I will roam,
that secret place I’ll call my home.
Cold.
Cold.
Can’t understand.
Your live is so cold,
so everchanging
like winter wind through the forest.
So frigid.
I’m huddled by the firelight
of the memories I’m burning
just to keep warm.
My fingers go numb.
Don’t you see, I can’t go on.
It’s sucking the life out of me,
bit by bit & day by day.
I can feel my heart freezing
with no protection from the bitter wind that’s blowing.
Can’t you see I’m dying?
Can’t you understand?
I cannot be the only one
constantly fanning to keep this love aflame.
I cannot be the only one
who feels the chill.
Can’t understand.
Your live is so cold,
so everchanging
like winter wind through the forest.
So frigid.
I’m huddled by the firelight
of the memories I’m burning
just to keep warm.
My fingers go numb.
Don’t you see, I can’t go on.
It’s sucking the life out of me,
bit by bit & day by day.
I can feel my heart freezing
with no protection from the bitter wind that’s blowing.
Can’t you see I’m dying?
Can’t you understand?
I cannot be the only one
constantly fanning to keep this love aflame.
I cannot be the only one
who feels the chill.
If I Were…
If I Were…
If I were extraordinary,
I’d do extraordinary things
like sail around on magic wings
but I’d still be in love with you.
If I were famous,
I’d be all over the magazines
be worshipped by starry-eyed teens
but I’d still be in love with you.
If I were rejected,
I’d be an emotional wreck
a ship with no hands on deck
but I’d still be in love with you.
If I were neglected,
I’d cry myself to sleep
have no company to keep
but I’d still be in love with you.
If I were extraordinary,
I’d do extraordinary things
like sail around on magic wings
but I’d still be in love with you.
If I were famous,
I’d be all over the magazines
be worshipped by starry-eyed teens
but I’d still be in love with you.
If I were rejected,
I’d be an emotional wreck
a ship with no hands on deck
but I’d still be in love with you.
If I were neglected,
I’d cry myself to sleep
have no company to keep
but I’d still be in love with you.
Wonderland
Wonderland
I cannot gather
whether
you are some philosophy
or just here to please aesthetically,
won’t you point the way
to the Jester fair today?
Because you’re just another jewel
sitting in the king’s crown.
Another few years & they’ll take you down.
The Knave of Hearts
stole the Queen’s tarts,
and it’ll be off with his head.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
or Jack will end up dead.
I would not delay
nor play croquet,
you’re debt’s already too high.
It’s mutiny, oh can’t you see,
there isn’t a reason why.
The Cat’s led you astray,
there is no right or wrong way
and no potion to swallow on down.
So choose to take your leave,
it’s not quite your cup of tea?
Well, the wheels spin around and around.
The Caterpillar’s wrong,
he’s sold you out for a song,
and there’s not a pocket watch in sight.
Time to break the habit,
oh, here’s the White Rabbit,
I guess you got lucky tonight.
I cannot gather
whether
you are some philosophy
or just here to please aesthetically,
won’t you point the way
to the Jester fair today?
Because you’re just another jewel
sitting in the king’s crown.
Another few years & they’ll take you down.
The Knave of Hearts
stole the Queen’s tarts,
and it’ll be off with his head.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
or Jack will end up dead.
I would not delay
nor play croquet,
you’re debt’s already too high.
It’s mutiny, oh can’t you see,
there isn’t a reason why.
The Cat’s led you astray,
there is no right or wrong way
and no potion to swallow on down.
So choose to take your leave,
it’s not quite your cup of tea?
Well, the wheels spin around and around.
The Caterpillar’s wrong,
he’s sold you out for a song,
and there’s not a pocket watch in sight.
Time to break the habit,
oh, here’s the White Rabbit,
I guess you got lucky tonight.
Heaven Beyond.
Heaven Beyond.
When I’m with you
I breathe deeper.
The moments move slower
the planets align.
Just being in your presence
I can’t even fathom
Not knowing the warmth you can give.
No, it’s not fireworks
and it’s not the brightest sun I’ve ever seen.
But when I’m with you,
it’s like Heaven is just beyond me,
stretching right out under my fingertips.
When I’m with you
I breathe deeper.
The moments move slower
the planets align.
Just being in your presence
I can’t even fathom
Not knowing the warmth you can give.
No, it’s not fireworks
and it’s not the brightest sun I’ve ever seen.
But when I’m with you,
it’s like Heaven is just beyond me,
stretching right out under my fingertips.
Mr.
Mr.
Mr. Head in the Clouds,
you’re wearing me out.
Won’t you come down?
Mr. Always Right,
never gives in, gotta fight,
let me hold you tonight.
Mr. Get Up & Go,
I want you to know
I don’t believe in your show.
Mr. Try to Pretend,
I see right through you, friend,
don’t you know it’s the end?
Mr. Head in the Clouds,
you’re wearing me out.
Won’t you come down?
Mr. Always Right,
never gives in, gotta fight,
let me hold you tonight.
Mr. Get Up & Go,
I want you to know
I don’t believe in your show.
Mr. Try to Pretend,
I see right through you, friend,
don’t you know it’s the end?
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Mine
Mine
2:48 AM, and the seconds tick by
like sentinels on the LED
while my eye’s fixed on the sky.
I heard the sound of summer rain
It lasted maybe 5 minutes,
a short pattering refrain.
The sound of fan blades spinning
reminds me how I should be sleeping
but every shadow on my wall
leads to poetic inspiration
and I’m counting in my head,
an unsettling distraction.
Oh, love. Oh, love.
I didn’t mean
to cause a scene.
Oh, but falling takes no time.
I couldn’t perceive
what I never believed.
Oh, how did you end up mine?
Oh, how did you end up mine?
Somewhere past 3 o’clock and still no luck
with keeping my mind silent
and getting my eyes shut.
The music in my head keeps
telling me I’m losing track of
any kind of grip I might have had,
But it doesn’t seem to matter
nothing seems to matter
but the feeling that I could touch the sky
without ever knowing why.
Oh, love. Oh, love.
I didn’t mean
to cause a scene.
Oh, but falling takes no time.
I couldn’t perceive
what I never believed.
Oh, how did you end up mine?
Oh, how did you end up mine?
How did you find me through the haze,
all those lonely days
the unforgiving places I’ve been.
How did you know just where I’d be,
how to capture me
inspire me,
take hold of me.
Oh, love. Oh, love.
Oh-OH-oh love.
I didn’t mean
to cause a scene.
Oh, but falling takes no time.
I couldn’t perceive
what I never believed.
Oh, how did you end up mine?
Oh, how did you end up mine?
Oh, how did you end up mine?
2:48 AM, and the seconds tick by
like sentinels on the LED
while my eye’s fixed on the sky.
I heard the sound of summer rain
It lasted maybe 5 minutes,
a short pattering refrain.
The sound of fan blades spinning
reminds me how I should be sleeping
but every shadow on my wall
leads to poetic inspiration
and I’m counting in my head,
an unsettling distraction.
Oh, love. Oh, love.
I didn’t mean
to cause a scene.
Oh, but falling takes no time.
I couldn’t perceive
what I never believed.
Oh, how did you end up mine?
Oh, how did you end up mine?
Somewhere past 3 o’clock and still no luck
with keeping my mind silent
and getting my eyes shut.
The music in my head keeps
telling me I’m losing track of
any kind of grip I might have had,
But it doesn’t seem to matter
nothing seems to matter
but the feeling that I could touch the sky
without ever knowing why.
Oh, love. Oh, love.
I didn’t mean
to cause a scene.
Oh, but falling takes no time.
I couldn’t perceive
what I never believed.
Oh, how did you end up mine?
Oh, how did you end up mine?
How did you find me through the haze,
all those lonely days
the unforgiving places I’ve been.
How did you know just where I’d be,
how to capture me
inspire me,
take hold of me.
Oh, love. Oh, love.
Oh-OH-oh love.
I didn’t mean
to cause a scene.
Oh, but falling takes no time.
I couldn’t perceive
what I never believed.
Oh, how did you end up mine?
Oh, how did you end up mine?
Oh, how did you end up mine?
It Will Always Stain
“And love, just like blood, will always stain.”
Look at me.
I’m a horrible distraction (what a mess)
my hands are covered
(in blood).
Oh, sweet sweet baby,
I did it for you
(don’t you know?)
Don’t turn away, please.
I don’t have anywhere else to go.
Didn’t you realize
this was all (just a lie)?
Called you irresponsible
and you labeled me
a whore.
(shh don’t let them know
you’ve got a horrible tongue).
Well I’m always wrong to you
(Mr. center of attention)
Why couldn’t you just save me?
I got too wrapped up in myself,
(such glamour and lies)
I lost control of my mind.
But everyone makes mistakes
(the universe slowly spins) I apologize.
Now would you hand me
hand me over.
I’m not fooling around anymore,
now I just want love.
It crashes down on my head,
Everything I ever wanted
(you).
Look at me.
I’m a horrible distraction (what a mess)
my hands are covered
(in blood).
Oh, sweet sweet baby,
I did it for you
(don’t you know?)
Don’t turn away, please.
I don’t have anywhere else to go.
Didn’t you realize
this was all (just a lie)?
Called you irresponsible
and you labeled me
a whore.
(shh don’t let them know
you’ve got a horrible tongue).
Well I’m always wrong to you
(Mr. center of attention)
Why couldn’t you just save me?
I got too wrapped up in myself,
(such glamour and lies)
I lost control of my mind.
But everyone makes mistakes
(the universe slowly spins) I apologize.
Now would you hand me
hand me over.
I’m not fooling around anymore,
now I just want love.
It crashes down on my head,
Everything I ever wanted
(you).
Little Girl
Little Girl
Little girl of ribbon and lace,
you too will grow older.
You’ll abandon your playthings,
find your place.
Oh, you will grow colder.
Nothing is certain,
of that I am sure.
Someday you will learn
what everything means,
even if it still doesn’t
make much sense.
And you will work
to find your place in this world,
through struggles and hard times.
And when you think you can’t go on,
you can.
Little girl of ribbon and lace,
you too will grow older.
Please stay a child as long as you can.
Oh, you will grow colder.
Little girl of ribbon and lace,
you too will grow older.
You’ll abandon your playthings,
find your place.
Oh, you will grow colder.
Nothing is certain,
of that I am sure.
Someday you will learn
what everything means,
even if it still doesn’t
make much sense.
And you will work
to find your place in this world,
through struggles and hard times.
And when you think you can’t go on,
you can.
Little girl of ribbon and lace,
you too will grow older.
Please stay a child as long as you can.
Oh, you will grow colder.
Crave
Crave
Curve of hip
he grasps,
her back arches.
Lips collide,
hair tangling.
Sliver of stomach,
thighs part,
she wraps a leg around him.
He trails his lips
over the graceful curve of her neck,
downward.
She sighs.
Together they find rhythm.
Together they find love.
Curve of hip
he grasps,
her back arches.
Lips collide,
hair tangling.
Sliver of stomach,
thighs part,
she wraps a leg around him.
He trails his lips
over the graceful curve of her neck,
downward.
She sighs.
Together they find rhythm.
Together they find love.
Value
Value
If I were good at painting,
I would paint you like the Mona Lisa:
beguiling & smiling so mysteriously.
If I were good at sculpting,
I would sculpt you
into the shape you always wanted,
and you’d finally be happy with yourself.
If I were good at feelings,
I would tell you how much you mean to me,
how much I value you being in my life,
and how much I am going to miss you.
But I am only a writer,
so I will try to put this all down in words
and hope you somehow understand.
If I were good at painting,
I would paint you like the Mona Lisa:
beguiling & smiling so mysteriously.
If I were good at sculpting,
I would sculpt you
into the shape you always wanted,
and you’d finally be happy with yourself.
If I were good at feelings,
I would tell you how much you mean to me,
how much I value you being in my life,
and how much I am going to miss you.
But I am only a writer,
so I will try to put this all down in words
and hope you somehow understand.
I Miss You
I Miss You
I miss you when you’re not here.
I miss your smile,
your easy laugh,
the solid warmth of your hand in mine.
I even miss the feel of your leg next to mine,
the way you mumble “sorry”
when you step on my foot,
and how you kiss my forehead and my hand.
I miss the way you talk so easy
about stuff I usually blush about,
but with you it all seems just right,
the way you make me open up,
the way you make me feel so loved.
I miss you when you’re not here.
I miss your smile,
your easy laugh,
the solid warmth of your hand in mine.
I even miss the feel of your leg next to mine,
the way you mumble “sorry”
when you step on my foot,
and how you kiss my forehead and my hand.
I miss the way you talk so easy
about stuff I usually blush about,
but with you it all seems just right,
the way you make me open up,
the way you make me feel so loved.
Read
Read
You read me like a book.
Am I really that obvious?
Do you really notice
how I blush, even in the dark,
when your hand touches my leg?
And your fingers, when they trace over mine,
do they feel the bitten cuticles
where all my worries go to rest?
Do you notice how I get jealous,
how I get angry over petty things?
Do you notice when I’m online
and you’re sitting on the other end of the computer screen,
ignoring me?
Do you read me at all?
You read me like a book.
Am I really that obvious?
Do you really notice
how I blush, even in the dark,
when your hand touches my leg?
And your fingers, when they trace over mine,
do they feel the bitten cuticles
where all my worries go to rest?
Do you notice how I get jealous,
how I get angry over petty things?
Do you notice when I’m online
and you’re sitting on the other end of the computer screen,
ignoring me?
Do you read me at all?
Far Away
Far Away
Fall away from me,
hands are slipping.
Hearts grasp tightly,
refusing to let go.
Where are you now?
Now that you’ve been torn from my side,
the stitches unraveling
leaving me to bleed
unconscious,
without you.
You’re too far away
I cannot hear your heartbeat.
Fall away from me,
hands are slipping.
Hearts grasp tightly,
refusing to let go.
Where are you now?
Now that you’ve been torn from my side,
the stitches unraveling
leaving me to bleed
unconscious,
without you.
You’re too far away
I cannot hear your heartbeat.
Straight to You
Straight to You
My heart knows all
the endless pathways.
It travels through a labyrinth
of sneering faces
and jeering, unforgiving stares.
It knows its way
upways and longways,
downways and frontways,
swimming through an endless ocean,
skimming over dreaming lovers,
traveling straight to you.
My heart knows all
the endless pathways.
It travels through a labyrinth
of sneering faces
and jeering, unforgiving stares.
It knows its way
upways and longways,
downways and frontways,
swimming through an endless ocean,
skimming over dreaming lovers,
traveling straight to you.
Still Here
Still Here
One more kiss,
before you leave me lonely.
Please don’t speak
I know I’m not your only.
It’s not that I want you to leave,
it’s just I know you’re going anyway.
So I only want something to hold onto
when you stay gone for days.
You keep telling me you love me,
but when I lay awake alone
I can’t help but wonder
what is it you can’t see?
I know where you go
when you leave me here.
I’ve smelt the perfume,
I’ve heard the phone calls, dear.
You don’t need to make excuses
I’m not going anywhere.
God knows why but
I stay here.
Maybe I just can’t
imagine being without you.
I couldn’t bear the thought
of never holding you.
So even though I know
I’m sharing you with some other girl,
It’s better than living without you
and feeling lost in the world.
I keep telling you I love you,
but when I lay awake alone,
I can’t help but wonder
if you really love me too.
I know where you go
when you leave me here.
I’ve smelt the perfume,
I’ve heard the phone calls, dear.
You don’t need to make excuses
I’m not going anywhere.
God knows why but
I stay here.
I stay here
through all the good times bad times push comes to shove
because deep down inside my heart
I still somehow believe in love.
I know where you go
when you leave me here.
I’ve smelt the perfume,
I’ve heard the phone calls, dear.
You don’t need to make excuses
I’m not going anywhere.
God knows why but
I’m still here.
One more kiss,
before you leave me lonely.
Please don’t speak
I know I’m not your only.
It’s not that I want you to leave,
it’s just I know you’re going anyway.
So I only want something to hold onto
when you stay gone for days.
You keep telling me you love me,
but when I lay awake alone
I can’t help but wonder
what is it you can’t see?
I know where you go
when you leave me here.
I’ve smelt the perfume,
I’ve heard the phone calls, dear.
You don’t need to make excuses
I’m not going anywhere.
God knows why but
I stay here.
Maybe I just can’t
imagine being without you.
I couldn’t bear the thought
of never holding you.
So even though I know
I’m sharing you with some other girl,
It’s better than living without you
and feeling lost in the world.
I keep telling you I love you,
but when I lay awake alone,
I can’t help but wonder
if you really love me too.
I know where you go
when you leave me here.
I’ve smelt the perfume,
I’ve heard the phone calls, dear.
You don’t need to make excuses
I’m not going anywhere.
God knows why but
I stay here.
I stay here
through all the good times bad times push comes to shove
because deep down inside my heart
I still somehow believe in love.
I know where you go
when you leave me here.
I’ve smelt the perfume,
I’ve heard the phone calls, dear.
You don’t need to make excuses
I’m not going anywhere.
God knows why but
I’m still here.
Ghost (Rewritten 2006)
Ghost
I’m hovering over your head tonight
watching you crying in the fading twilight.
Sitting in a pile of flowers by my grave,
praying for a soul you never could save.
You’re holding in your hands a faded note,
reading over and over the words that I wrote.
Can you feel my own tears falling down?
they’re soaking every lover in this town.
Pre-Chorus
I’m reading over your shoulder
lines you hoped never to see.
A broken message that only grows older,
baby, just forget me.
Chorus
You’re chasing a ghost,
nothing but a ghost.
Searching in the most
unfortunate places
Still hoping to find traces
of what we were.
You’ve gone too long with no sleep,
what is this constant vigil you keep?
Are you hoping that it’s all a dream?
Are you really as desperate as you seem?
Is there no way to break the spell,
to help distract you from your hell?
Don’t you know I’m here with you
waiting for you to give in too.
Pre-Chorus
I’m reading over your shoulder
lines you hoped never to see.
A broken message that only grows older,
baby, just forget me.
Chorus
You’re chasing a ghost,
nothing but a ghost.
Searching in the most
unfortunate places
Still hoping to find traces
of what we were.
Far away,
I’m so far away now.
Heaven is nothing next to you
But I’ll get by somehow.
The wind blows me away,
I guess I’m here to stay.
Chorus
You’re chasing a ghost,
nothing but a ghost.
Searching in the most
unfortunate places
Still hoping to find traces
of what we were.
I’m hovering over your head tonight
watching you crying in the fading twilight.
Sitting in a pile of flowers by my grave,
praying for a soul you never could save.
You’re holding in your hands a faded note,
reading over and over the words that I wrote.
Can you feel my own tears falling down?
they’re soaking every lover in this town.
Pre-Chorus
I’m reading over your shoulder
lines you hoped never to see.
A broken message that only grows older,
baby, just forget me.
Chorus
You’re chasing a ghost,
nothing but a ghost.
Searching in the most
unfortunate places
Still hoping to find traces
of what we were.
You’ve gone too long with no sleep,
what is this constant vigil you keep?
Are you hoping that it’s all a dream?
Are you really as desperate as you seem?
Is there no way to break the spell,
to help distract you from your hell?
Don’t you know I’m here with you
waiting for you to give in too.
Pre-Chorus
I’m reading over your shoulder
lines you hoped never to see.
A broken message that only grows older,
baby, just forget me.
Chorus
You’re chasing a ghost,
nothing but a ghost.
Searching in the most
unfortunate places
Still hoping to find traces
of what we were.
Far away,
I’m so far away now.
Heaven is nothing next to you
But I’ll get by somehow.
The wind blows me away,
I guess I’m here to stay.
Chorus
You’re chasing a ghost,
nothing but a ghost.
Searching in the most
unfortunate places
Still hoping to find traces
of what we were.
Falsehoods and Deceptions: The Art of Giving Up in the End Version 2
Falsehoods and Deceptions: The Art of Giving Up in the End
So you’re life’s not perfect,
So you’re living a lie,
You’re struggling to hold on.
Everything comes to an end,
Everyone must die,
In the end there’s no right or wrong.
Pre-Chorus 1
Giving up is not your only option,
Never succeeding,
While your heart is bleeding.
Where’d your common sense flee to?
Grit your teeth and bear it,
Don’t complain just forget it,
It’s not worth the fight.
Keep your eyes on the sky,
Waiting for your Armageddon,
Waiting for the time to be right.
Pre-Chorus 2
Giving up is not your only option,
never moving,
never proving.
Where’d your common sense flee to?
Chorus –
Your life’s a bittersweet reflection,
of watching ripples fade into the ocean,
of trying to find your place in time.
You struggle on and try to make a difference
they tell you that you must be kidding,
but never give up until it feels just right,
don’t believe all their lies.
Clear your mind and clear your soul,
learn to live with self-control,
you can get it right.
Keep your head up keep on learning,
as long as there’s fire keep on burning,
keep on moving towards the light.
Pre-Chorus 1
Giving up is not your only option,
Never succeeding,
While your heart is bleeding.
Where’d your common sense flee to?
Shut your eyes it’s just too much,
You just can’t bear another’s touch,
But it’s just too late to start over.
Close your ears to all their lies
Don’t accept no alibis,
In the end they’ll be the ones finding out.
Pre-Chorus 2
Giving up is not your only option,
never moving,
never proving.
Where’d your common sense flee to?
Chorus –
Your life’s a bittersweet reflection,
of watching ripples fade into the ocean,
of trying to find your place in time.
You struggle on and try to make a difference
they tell you that you must be kidding,
but never give up until it feels just right,
don’t believe all their lies.
So you’re life’s not perfect,
So you’re living a lie,
You’re struggling to hold on.
Everything comes to an end,
Everyone must die,
In the end there’s no right or wrong.
Pre-Chorus 1
Giving up is not your only option,
Never succeeding,
While your heart is bleeding.
Where’d your common sense flee to?
Grit your teeth and bear it,
Don’t complain just forget it,
It’s not worth the fight.
Keep your eyes on the sky,
Waiting for your Armageddon,
Waiting for the time to be right.
Pre-Chorus 2
Giving up is not your only option,
never moving,
never proving.
Where’d your common sense flee to?
Chorus –
Your life’s a bittersweet reflection,
of watching ripples fade into the ocean,
of trying to find your place in time.
You struggle on and try to make a difference
they tell you that you must be kidding,
but never give up until it feels just right,
don’t believe all their lies.
Clear your mind and clear your soul,
learn to live with self-control,
you can get it right.
Keep your head up keep on learning,
as long as there’s fire keep on burning,
keep on moving towards the light.
Pre-Chorus 1
Giving up is not your only option,
Never succeeding,
While your heart is bleeding.
Where’d your common sense flee to?
Shut your eyes it’s just too much,
You just can’t bear another’s touch,
But it’s just too late to start over.
Close your ears to all their lies
Don’t accept no alibis,
In the end they’ll be the ones finding out.
Pre-Chorus 2
Giving up is not your only option,
never moving,
never proving.
Where’d your common sense flee to?
Chorus –
Your life’s a bittersweet reflection,
of watching ripples fade into the ocean,
of trying to find your place in time.
You struggle on and try to make a difference
they tell you that you must be kidding,
but never give up until it feels just right,
don’t believe all their lies.
Eyes Wide Open
Eyes Wide Open
Keep your eyes wide open when you kiss me,
for once, let me see into your soul
no walls between us,
no excuses, no cover stories, no alibis, no lies.
Can’t you see I just want to get in
when you keep shutting me out?
Nothing I can say could make you drop all your defenses
and stop pretending to be so strong.
Don’t you understand?
I just want to know the real you:
heart, mind, body and soul.
That’s all.
Keep your eyes wide open when you kiss me,
for once, let me see into your soul
no walls between us,
no excuses, no cover stories, no alibis, no lies.
Can’t you see I just want to get in
when you keep shutting me out?
Nothing I can say could make you drop all your defenses
and stop pretending to be so strong.
Don’t you understand?
I just want to know the real you:
heart, mind, body and soul.
That’s all.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Tear Jar
Tear Jar
If I could take back every tear
that ran down your cheeks
because of me,
I’d save them all in this jar
to remind me of how love is
and that distance,
somehow,
makes us wise.
Florida Days
Florida Days
I grew up in the land
Of sunshine and rain.
Never knew what to expect
Between lightning and hurricane.
My childhood memories are full
Of lazy beach days,
Watermelon on the 4th of July
Or soaking up the sun’s rays.
I can still remember those good ole Florida days.
Sunburn, sunscreen,
digging for clams in the sand.
Flip-flops, cover-ups,
sunbathing, magazine in hand.
Living in my bathing suit,
it was summer all year long.
Sticky heat, sand under my feet,
With Florida, you just can’t go wrong.
Driving over the bridge
on our way to Marco Island,
Fishing in my backyard
side by side with my best friend.
There were waterslides and football games,
or sitting on the porch blaring country music.
Yeah we talked all day about love,
but we didn’t know just how to use it.
Sunburn, sunscreen,
digging for clams in the sand.
Flip-flops, cover-ups,
sunbathing, magazine in hand.
Living in my bathing suit,
it was summer all year long.
Sticky heat, sand under my feet,
With Florida, you just can’t go wrong.
There were alligators,
there was barbecue,
there was the ice cream truck
in the late afternoon.
There were thunderheads,
there were waterbeds,
there was cool summer rain
washing over our heads.
We stayed outside til we were soaking wet.
Sunburn, sunscreen,
digging for clams in the sand.
Flip-flops, cover-ups,
sunbathing, magazine in hand.
Living in my bathing suit,
it was summer all year long.
Sticky heat, sand under my feet,
With Florida, you just can’t go wrong.
You just can’t go wrong…
I grew up in the land
Of sunshine and rain.
Never knew what to expect
Between lightning and hurricane.
My childhood memories are full
Of lazy beach days,
Watermelon on the 4th of July
Or soaking up the sun’s rays.
I can still remember those good ole Florida days.
Sunburn, sunscreen,
digging for clams in the sand.
Flip-flops, cover-ups,
sunbathing, magazine in hand.
Living in my bathing suit,
it was summer all year long.
Sticky heat, sand under my feet,
With Florida, you just can’t go wrong.
Driving over the bridge
on our way to Marco Island,
Fishing in my backyard
side by side with my best friend.
There were waterslides and football games,
or sitting on the porch blaring country music.
Yeah we talked all day about love,
but we didn’t know just how to use it.
Sunburn, sunscreen,
digging for clams in the sand.
Flip-flops, cover-ups,
sunbathing, magazine in hand.
Living in my bathing suit,
it was summer all year long.
Sticky heat, sand under my feet,
With Florida, you just can’t go wrong.
There were alligators,
there was barbecue,
there was the ice cream truck
in the late afternoon.
There were thunderheads,
there were waterbeds,
there was cool summer rain
washing over our heads.
We stayed outside til we were soaking wet.
Sunburn, sunscreen,
digging for clams in the sand.
Flip-flops, cover-ups,
sunbathing, magazine in hand.
Living in my bathing suit,
it was summer all year long.
Sticky heat, sand under my feet,
With Florida, you just can’t go wrong.
You just can’t go wrong…
Bang.
Bang.
Wait – I will peel the skin from my fingertips
and write our names
with the blood that remains.
And I will listen to the faint pulse
of my heartbeat in my wrists,
while you’re smiling at me
and we’re slowly dying.
I hate it when you call me scared,
like it doesn’t mean anything at all
when I drain myself for you.
This message is all you’re getting
at the receiving end of the barrel,
I’m pulling the trigger.
Bang, we’re dead.
Wait – I will peel the skin from my fingertips
and write our names
with the blood that remains.
And I will listen to the faint pulse
of my heartbeat in my wrists,
while you’re smiling at me
and we’re slowly dying.
I hate it when you call me scared,
like it doesn’t mean anything at all
when I drain myself for you.
This message is all you’re getting
at the receiving end of the barrel,
I’m pulling the trigger.
Bang, we’re dead.
Instructions
Instructions
This is what it looks like.
This is how you do it.
Color inside the lines,
don’t cross the line,
don’t step out.
Single-file.
Don’t speak out,
keep your mouth shut.
Close your eyes,
it will all go away,
eventually.
This is what it looks like.
This is how you do it.
Color inside the lines,
don’t cross the line,
don’t step out.
Single-file.
Don’t speak out,
keep your mouth shut.
Close your eyes,
it will all go away,
eventually.
Hey Brown Eyes
Hey Brown Eyes
Hey brown eyes,
come talk with me for awhile,
spend some time chatting about nothing,
shatter all preconceptions.
I’m a poet so let me
spin you a story,
of beauty, truth, justice, and love.
Come spin with me now
we’ll sparkle like the stars in the sky.
Laying entwined together,
our Converse knocking against each other,
our arms wrapped tightly around each other’s shoulders.
You’ll whisper “I love you”
and I’ll feel like a phoenix
rising from the flames,
being born anew.
Hey brown eyes,
come talk with me for awhile,
spend some time chatting about nothing,
shatter all preconceptions.
I’m a poet so let me
spin you a story,
of beauty, truth, justice, and love.
Come spin with me now
we’ll sparkle like the stars in the sky.
Laying entwined together,
our Converse knocking against each other,
our arms wrapped tightly around each other’s shoulders.
You’ll whisper “I love you”
and I’ll feel like a phoenix
rising from the flames,
being born anew.
A Mother’s Love.
A Mother’s Love.
She sits in a chair,
faded magazines by her side.
She stares straight ahead,
counting the minutes gone by.
The nurse calls her name
and gives her a smile,
but she’s so afraid
she can’t stand for awhile.
The doctor gives her the news
with a grim look on his face.
Mary just can’t hold back her tears,
as she prays for God’s grace.
It’s the worst of her fears,
a mother at 16 years.
She used to dream of a life
Where everything’s right,
where nothing is ever out of place.
Where every son and daughter
has a mother and father,
to meet them with a warm embrace.
A world where every child
will know all the while,
of the love that cannot be erased.
6 months down the road,
and she lets out a cry
as she lays in a cold hospital room.
The nurse holds her hand,
and says “push all you can
and it will be over soon.”
The doctor cuts the cord,
and Mary starts to cry
as she gazes at her new baby girl.
She grasps her to her chest
as the nurse pats her hand,
and all seems alright in the world.
She used to dream of a life
where everything’s right,
where nothing is ever out of place.
Where every son and daughter
has a mother and a father,
to meet them with a warm embrace.
And she vows that her child
will know all the while,
of the love that cannot be erased.
How could she ever think
of letting her little one go?
When she looks in the eyes
of her newborn child,
she sees everything she ever
needed to know…
Now she’s living the life
even if everything’s not right,
and there will always be things out of place.
She knows that her daughter
will never know her father,
but will still be met with her warm embrace.
She tells her in a whisper
of everything about her,
and of the love that cannot be erased.
Yes, this love cannot be erased.
She sits in a chair,
faded magazines by her side.
She stares straight ahead,
counting the minutes gone by.
The nurse calls her name
and gives her a smile,
but she’s so afraid
she can’t stand for awhile.
The doctor gives her the news
with a grim look on his face.
Mary just can’t hold back her tears,
as she prays for God’s grace.
It’s the worst of her fears,
a mother at 16 years.
She used to dream of a life
Where everything’s right,
where nothing is ever out of place.
Where every son and daughter
has a mother and father,
to meet them with a warm embrace.
A world where every child
will know all the while,
of the love that cannot be erased.
6 months down the road,
and she lets out a cry
as she lays in a cold hospital room.
The nurse holds her hand,
and says “push all you can
and it will be over soon.”
The doctor cuts the cord,
and Mary starts to cry
as she gazes at her new baby girl.
She grasps her to her chest
as the nurse pats her hand,
and all seems alright in the world.
She used to dream of a life
where everything’s right,
where nothing is ever out of place.
Where every son and daughter
has a mother and a father,
to meet them with a warm embrace.
And she vows that her child
will know all the while,
of the love that cannot be erased.
How could she ever think
of letting her little one go?
When she looks in the eyes
of her newborn child,
she sees everything she ever
needed to know…
Now she’s living the life
even if everything’s not right,
and there will always be things out of place.
She knows that her daughter
will never know her father,
but will still be met with her warm embrace.
She tells her in a whisper
of everything about her,
and of the love that cannot be erased.
Yes, this love cannot be erased.
Baby Cousin
Baby Cousin
She sleeps the sleep of angels,
eyelids fluttering
and breath blowing soft against the pillow.
I watch her sleeping,
silent, careful not to let the floor creak
so as not to wake her.
She’s so young, she knows no pain,
save for childhood scrapes
and bruised knees.
Weren’t we all like her once?
Weren’t we all so innocent,
so peaceful, with no cares in the world?
Back when the world was sweeter
and we thrived on sunshine
and early morning cartoons.
As I stand over her crib
and watch her chest rise and fall,
I feel truly blessed
to have someone so precious in my life.
She sleeps the sleep of angels,
eyelids fluttering
and breath blowing soft against the pillow.
I watch her sleeping,
silent, careful not to let the floor creak
so as not to wake her.
She’s so young, she knows no pain,
save for childhood scrapes
and bruised knees.
Weren’t we all like her once?
Weren’t we all so innocent,
so peaceful, with no cares in the world?
Back when the world was sweeter
and we thrived on sunshine
and early morning cartoons.
As I stand over her crib
and watch her chest rise and fall,
I feel truly blessed
to have someone so precious in my life.
You Have No Meaning
You Have No Meaning
Meaning,
Do you have meaning?
You spew proverbs at me
like I can understand
your ridiculous clichés
You make no sense.
I just can’t understand
anything you say.
You are not a prophet
and you are not God
and you will never be
as high-class
as you attempt to sound.
Meaning,
Do you have meaning?
You spew proverbs at me
like I can understand
your ridiculous clichés
You make no sense.
I just can’t understand
anything you say.
You are not a prophet
and you are not God
and you will never be
as high-class
as you attempt to sound.
This is a Heart
This is a Heart
This is a heart.
4 chambers,
6 valves.
Blood goes in
blood comes out.
Pump.
Beat.
Pulse.
In through arteries,
out through veins.
Circulation.
Left and right ventricle,
left and right atrium.
Networks of blood vessels,
keeping me living.
And right down the middle
there’s a jagged tear,
thanks to you.
This is a heart.
This is a heart.
4 chambers,
6 valves.
Blood goes in
blood comes out.
Pump.
Beat.
Pulse.
In through arteries,
out through veins.
Circulation.
Left and right ventricle,
left and right atrium.
Networks of blood vessels,
keeping me living.
And right down the middle
there’s a jagged tear,
thanks to you.
This is a heart.
Take Me
Take Me
Take me, take me.
I am
flawed,
I am
reaching,
I am
falling
hard
and fast.
I can’t escape
your eyes,
I’m
burning
please,
take me.
Take me, take me.
I am
flawed,
I am
reaching,
I am
falling
hard
and fast.
I can’t escape
your eyes,
I’m
burning
please,
take me.
Have a Heart
Have a Heart
i'd burn this motherfucking town
til it was nothing but ashes on the ground,
if you'd notice me
for just one second.
but since you look right through me
like i'm made of cellophane,
i get nothing from you but pain.
so thanks.
give me a second
to yank this knife from my back
where you shoved it in good and deep,
down between my shoulder blades.
if i had a heart,
it would be bleeding.
i'd burn this motherfucking town
til it was nothing but ashes on the ground,
if you'd notice me
for just one second.
but since you look right through me
like i'm made of cellophane,
i get nothing from you but pain.
so thanks.
give me a second
to yank this knife from my back
where you shoved it in good and deep,
down between my shoulder blades.
if i had a heart,
it would be bleeding.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Crawling
Crawling
Why can't I bring myself to say the words I need to say?
I need you more than ever
and I never stopped loving you.
It's like some fire smouldering
deep within my soul,
all consuming.
My mind is pregnant with the thought
of holding you once again.
How hard is that to tell someone?
More than you can ever imagine,
more than he will ever know.
I cannot form the words,
I cannot make me stop loving you.
I never will.
Why can't I bring myself to say the words I need to say?
I need you more than ever
and I never stopped loving you.
It's like some fire smouldering
deep within my soul,
all consuming.
My mind is pregnant with the thought
of holding you once again.
How hard is that to tell someone?
More than you can ever imagine,
more than he will ever know.
I cannot form the words,
I cannot make me stop loving you.
I never will.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Wish Life Was Real
Wish Life Was Real
Wish I could fly
wish I weren’t such a
puppet on a string.
Wish my smile weren’t so fake,
wish my expression
fit my thoughts.
Wish I could forget
every word he ever said.
Wish this heart were some prophet
to reveal every truth,
wish I weren’t such a
desperate whore,
wish you weren’t so
damn perfect.
Wish I weren’t so out of my mind,
wish everything didn’t
come crashing down on my head
every few days or so.
Wish I were a little bit more,
more loveable,
more likeable,
much more quiet.
Wish the sky weren’t so dark
and it’s 1:15
on a lonely Monday morning
but I wish it wasn’t,
and I wish I wasn’t.
Wish the voices in my head
would SHUT UP for once
and just let me sleep.
Wish the moon were out tonight
wish something felt real to me,
somehow.
Wish I weren’t so miserable all the time
because then maybe
someone would be able to stand me.
Wish everyone’s eyes
weren’t so accusing
wish I weren’t such a
mistake waiting to happen.
Wish my insecurities
weren’t constantly on display,
just wish I could
disappear,
relax.
Wish I didn’t know everything I know
wish I could live in a haze
like everyone around me,
post-coital, post-hangover
drug-ridden existences.
Wish I wasn’t who I am,
maybe be who I was
2 years prior to this moment.
Wish I weren’t so painfully aware
that everything in my life
is such a sham.
Wish I could fly
wish I weren’t such a
puppet on a string.
Wish my smile weren’t so fake,
wish my expression
fit my thoughts.
Wish I could forget
every word he ever said.
Wish this heart were some prophet
to reveal every truth,
wish I weren’t such a
desperate whore,
wish you weren’t so
damn perfect.
Wish I weren’t so out of my mind,
wish everything didn’t
come crashing down on my head
every few days or so.
Wish I were a little bit more,
more loveable,
more likeable,
much more quiet.
Wish the sky weren’t so dark
and it’s 1:15
on a lonely Monday morning
but I wish it wasn’t,
and I wish I wasn’t.
Wish the voices in my head
would SHUT UP for once
and just let me sleep.
Wish the moon were out tonight
wish something felt real to me,
somehow.
Wish I weren’t so miserable all the time
because then maybe
someone would be able to stand me.
Wish everyone’s eyes
weren’t so accusing
wish I weren’t such a
mistake waiting to happen.
Wish my insecurities
weren’t constantly on display,
just wish I could
disappear,
relax.
Wish I didn’t know everything I know
wish I could live in a haze
like everyone around me,
post-coital, post-hangover
drug-ridden existences.
Wish I wasn’t who I am,
maybe be who I was
2 years prior to this moment.
Wish I weren’t so painfully aware
that everything in my life
is such a sham.
Can you still feel?
Can you still feel?
Can’t breathe.
couldn’t sleep
my brain’s on overload.
Love leaves you broken and cold,
shivering in its absence
and wishing for release.
Friends grow apart,
memories fading,
people once close
turning away from each other.
Moments grow awkward
when the ones sharing them
lock eyes, break contact,
look away as if scared
to reach out to the other being.
I feel like a lion in a cage,
never seen the sky
but I pace still,
unaware.
Nothing makes sense
to a tortured poetic soul.
When your heart dies
can you still feel?
Can’t breathe.
couldn’t sleep
my brain’s on overload.
Love leaves you broken and cold,
shivering in its absence
and wishing for release.
Friends grow apart,
memories fading,
people once close
turning away from each other.
Moments grow awkward
when the ones sharing them
lock eyes, break contact,
look away as if scared
to reach out to the other being.
I feel like a lion in a cage,
never seen the sky
but I pace still,
unaware.
Nothing makes sense
to a tortured poetic soul.
When your heart dies
can you still feel?
You Turn Away
You Turn Away
Feel empty
like a skeleton
in my clothes.
I’m not all here,
you’re not all there.
Nothing but love-drunk ramblings,
your eyes are full with her.
You’re satiated
but I’m starving.
I gnaw my cheeks
you turn away.
You turn away.
Feel empty
like a skeleton
in my clothes.
I’m not all here,
you’re not all there.
Nothing but love-drunk ramblings,
your eyes are full with her.
You’re satiated
but I’m starving.
I gnaw my cheeks
you turn away.
You turn away.
Running Myself Into the Ground
Running Myself Into the Ground
I’ve kind of given up on sleeping.
More relaxing to watch
lazy pen shadows,
strokes drawn slowly by flashlight
on a silent Monday morning
when all I can think about
is how hungry I am
for everything:
love, food, comfort, companionship.
I close my eyes
but what’s the use?
I’m running myself into the ground
and nothing can save me.
I’ve kind of given up on sleeping.
More relaxing to watch
lazy pen shadows,
strokes drawn slowly by flashlight
on a silent Monday morning
when all I can think about
is how hungry I am
for everything:
love, food, comfort, companionship.
I close my eyes
but what’s the use?
I’m running myself into the ground
and nothing can save me.
Despair in 2 Languages
Despair in 2 Languages
Say anything
to drag me back
out of this despair,
I’m drowning.
Cue sad French music,
“Il n’avait pluie rien.”
You lie.
It will always be raining,
pour moi.
Say anything
to drag me back
out of this despair,
I’m drowning.
Cue sad French music,
“Il n’avait pluie rien.”
You lie.
It will always be raining,
pour moi.
Shell
Shell
I miss those days
when my smile wasn’t fake,
when every laugh was genuine
and life was truly joyous.
Lately everything’s gotten so hard,
so complicated.
I’ve built my walls up so high
I don’t think anyone
can every break them down.
I cannot cry for you
anymore than I ever could.
Who have I become?
I miss those days
when my smile wasn’t fake,
when every laugh was genuine
and life was truly joyous.
Lately everything’s gotten so hard,
so complicated.
I’ve built my walls up so high
I don’t think anyone
can every break them down.
I cannot cry for you
anymore than I ever could.
Who have I become?
No Sleep.
No Sleep.
Times like these
I wish for cigarettes,
comfort in a burning wick
or filter.
Instead I turn to indie music
wish I could cry
but my eyes stay
horribly dry.
Why is everyone else sleeping
and I lie here
so awake,
on pins and needles?
Times like these
I wish for cigarettes,
comfort in a burning wick
or filter.
Instead I turn to indie music
wish I could cry
but my eyes stay
horribly dry.
Why is everyone else sleeping
and I lie here
so awake,
on pins and needles?
Hands grasp
Hands grasp
Hands grasp
teeth clench
tear
clothes
fall
she cries.
He runs his fingers through her hair.
“No one could be better.”
Hands grasp
teeth clench
tear
clothes
fall
she cries.
He runs his fingers through her hair.
“No one could be better.”
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Love Note
Love Note
She slipped a square of paper
into the pocket of his sweater.
When he turned around,
she was already gone.
He sat in the corner
and unfolded the letter.
It read:
“Do you know how many nights
I’ve been dreaming you would notice me?
and then yesterday you held my hand
and every part of me was alive,
for a moment in time.
I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
She signed it with a heart.
He crumpled up the paper.
She watched with a heavy heart
as he threw it away
and walked out the door.
She was trying not to cry,
bent over her math workbook
trying her hardest to concentrate,
when a square of paper landed on her desk.
She opened it and sat there,
wiping away the tears that now rolled down her cheeks.
All the note said was
“I love you.”
That’s all it needed to say.
She slipped a square of paper
into the pocket of his sweater.
When he turned around,
she was already gone.
He sat in the corner
and unfolded the letter.
It read:
“Do you know how many nights
I’ve been dreaming you would notice me?
and then yesterday you held my hand
and every part of me was alive,
for a moment in time.
I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
She signed it with a heart.
He crumpled up the paper.
She watched with a heavy heart
as he threw it away
and walked out the door.
She was trying not to cry,
bent over her math workbook
trying her hardest to concentrate,
when a square of paper landed on her desk.
She opened it and sat there,
wiping away the tears that now rolled down her cheeks.
All the note said was
“I love you.”
That’s all it needed to say.
Time to Kill
Time to Kill
Minutes tick by
on the clock that is my life.
Make something of yourself,
work harder,
hang out with the right people,
make the right connections.
Never trip up.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
The sand in the hourglass is running out.
The gears are turning slower and slower
and soon they’ll be too rusty
to even move at all.
Minutes tick by
on the clock that is my life.
Make something of yourself,
work harder,
hang out with the right people,
make the right connections.
Never trip up.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
The sand in the hourglass is running out.
The gears are turning slower and slower
and soon they’ll be too rusty
to even move at all.
I Chew My Regrets Off One By One
I Chew My Regrets Off One By One
The night is cold.
The sidewalk where I lay
is unforgiving,
miles of concrete
as far as the eye can see.
I’ve been wandering all day long
dragging around this old guitar.
I can’t even play.
Since the day we called it quits
nothing can make me smile
quite like you could.
My nerve-wracking habits
have gone from bad to worse,
I don’t think I even have fingernails anymore.
So I spread my fingers
across the dirty asphalt,
press my cheek to its comforting coldness
and feel alive.
The night is cold.
The sidewalk where I lay
is unforgiving,
miles of concrete
as far as the eye can see.
I’ve been wandering all day long
dragging around this old guitar.
I can’t even play.
Since the day we called it quits
nothing can make me smile
quite like you could.
My nerve-wracking habits
have gone from bad to worse,
I don’t think I even have fingernails anymore.
So I spread my fingers
across the dirty asphalt,
press my cheek to its comforting coldness
and feel alive.
Raining
Raining
I’ve been sitting here and watching
the puddles fill up with rain,
wishing I could let myself cry
the same way the clouds do.
Maybe then I could hover over you,
shower you with my tears
and you’d realize how much I need you.
Maybe then it would stop raining
and I could see the sun again.
I’ve been sitting here and watching
the puddles fill up with rain,
wishing I could let myself cry
the same way the clouds do.
Maybe then I could hover over you,
shower you with my tears
and you’d realize how much I need you.
Maybe then it would stop raining
and I could see the sun again.
Tigers Say Grrr
Tigers Say Grrr
The light burns my eyes.
My fingers are too tired
to pick out any tune on this old guitar.
I think I’m calling it a night.
I think I’m calling it goodbye.
I think that letter you wrote me
was absolute, total bullshit.
I think you never meant
a single word you said,
especially not “I love you”.
I think I could have been
the best thing you ever had,
but now you’ll never know.
And I can’t believe I’m thinking about you now,
sitting halfway down a slide
on some abandoned playground,
reading graffiti scrawled in Sharpie
proclaiming “tigers say grrrr”.
Well, I guess that’s my lesson to learn, then,
that nothing is what it seems.
I won’t let it fade away.
The light burns my eyes.
My fingers are too tired
to pick out any tune on this old guitar.
I think I’m calling it a night.
I think I’m calling it goodbye.
I think that letter you wrote me
was absolute, total bullshit.
I think you never meant
a single word you said,
especially not “I love you”.
I think I could have been
the best thing you ever had,
but now you’ll never know.
And I can’t believe I’m thinking about you now,
sitting halfway down a slide
on some abandoned playground,
reading graffiti scrawled in Sharpie
proclaiming “tigers say grrrr”.
Well, I guess that’s my lesson to learn, then,
that nothing is what it seems.
I won’t let it fade away.
Jill
Jill
My friend refers to the plural moose
as “meese”.
Once, she wrapped my red school sweater around her shoulders
and ran around my driveway
proclaiming “I am Super Meese”
at the top of her lungs.
One day I locked myself out of my house,
and she brought me back to her apartment
where we colored on gossip magazines with Sharpies,
until my mother could bring me a key.
But then she moved to England.
I miss her.
My friend refers to the plural moose
as “meese”.
Once, she wrapped my red school sweater around her shoulders
and ran around my driveway
proclaiming “I am Super Meese”
at the top of her lungs.
One day I locked myself out of my house,
and she brought me back to her apartment
where we colored on gossip magazines with Sharpies,
until my mother could bring me a key.
But then she moved to England.
I miss her.
Friendship
Friendship
I’d still be your friend
even if you had
a deformed twin fetus sticking out of your head.
So that means I’m true blue.
I’d still be your friend
even if you had
a deformed twin fetus sticking out of your head.
So that means I’m true blue.
I Feel Bad.
I Feel Bad.
I feel bad for Kim.
See, she went out with Tim
(No, I’m not kidding,
that’s really what happened
it’s totally true)
and she really liked him.
But he’s got a thing
for her friend Emi
who acts like she might sort of
like him, too.
So he told her he’s always
feel something for Emi
but would never act on it
because he was with her,
so she dumped him.
Now she likes Ray,
who used to date Emi.
And Ray said he liked Kim
til Emi flirted with him,
so now Ray & Tim
both like Emi.
So, that’s why
I feel sorry for Kim.
I feel bad for Kim.
See, she went out with Tim
(No, I’m not kidding,
that’s really what happened
it’s totally true)
and she really liked him.
But he’s got a thing
for her friend Emi
who acts like she might sort of
like him, too.
So he told her he’s always
feel something for Emi
but would never act on it
because he was with her,
so she dumped him.
Now she likes Ray,
who used to date Emi.
And Ray said he liked Kim
til Emi flirted with him,
so now Ray & Tim
both like Emi.
So, that’s why
I feel sorry for Kim.
Spandex
Spandex
I never owned a pair of jeans
Until I was in 7th grade.
Even then, I only bought a pair
so I could wear them to a Halloween dance.
Before that, all I wore
were Disney shirts
and Spandex.
I never owned a pair of jeans
Until I was in 7th grade.
Even then, I only bought a pair
so I could wear them to a Halloween dance.
Before that, all I wore
were Disney shirts
and Spandex.
Tomboy
Tomboy
I remember when I was younger,
I was a tomboy.
I lived for fishing,
football in the street,
and late-night games of tag.
I slept over my best friend’s house constantly,
and nobody worried
even though he was a boy.
And we played Barbies together,
but only in secret.
I remember when I was younger,
I was a tomboy.
I lived for fishing,
football in the street,
and late-night games of tag.
I slept over my best friend’s house constantly,
and nobody worried
even though he was a boy.
And we played Barbies together,
but only in secret.
One Hand
One Hand
I can count
the number of relationships
I’ve had in my entire life
on one hand.
But I could never count
the number of kisses
from any boyfriend
or “just friend”
on any number of hands I own.
I can, however,
count the number of kisses that mattered,
on less than
2 fingers.
I can count
the number of relationships
I’ve had in my entire life
on one hand.
But I could never count
the number of kisses
from any boyfriend
or “just friend”
on any number of hands I own.
I can, however,
count the number of kisses that mattered,
on less than
2 fingers.
Mr. Spike
Mr. Spike
I taught my bird to talk.
He says “gimme kiss”
and “I love you”.
He can tell you,
“Mr. Spike’s a pretty, pretty birdy”
or that my dog says “ruff, ruff”.
He can set the alarm,
wolf-whistle,
or beep like the microwave.
He says “Papa be back”
and “Papa gonna get clean, clean clean”.
He knows how to say more than 20 words.
But now –
I can’t get him to shut up.
I taught my bird to talk.
He says “gimme kiss”
and “I love you”.
He can tell you,
“Mr. Spike’s a pretty, pretty birdy”
or that my dog says “ruff, ruff”.
He can set the alarm,
wolf-whistle,
or beep like the microwave.
He says “Papa be back”
and “Papa gonna get clean, clean clean”.
He knows how to say more than 20 words.
But now –
I can’t get him to shut up.
Plaything
Plaything
Pretty little marionette,
rosy-cheeked paper doll.
She is nothing but your plaything.
Like a yo-yo
you string her out,
yank her back
if she wanders too far from your reach.
Make her lists,
what to do, when to do it.
Don’t go there,
stay here with me,
don’t talk to them.
She’s just your status-symbol,
the most expensive charm
upon your bracelet.
She is nothing but your toy
and yet she comes back for more.
Pretty little marionette,
rosy-cheeked paper doll.
She is nothing but your plaything.
Like a yo-yo
you string her out,
yank her back
if she wanders too far from your reach.
Make her lists,
what to do, when to do it.
Don’t go there,
stay here with me,
don’t talk to them.
She’s just your status-symbol,
the most expensive charm
upon your bracelet.
She is nothing but your toy
and yet she comes back for more.
Darts
Darts
Well you’re about as fragile
as the plush carnival rose
I won throwing darts at balloons.
How satisfying that “pop” was,
like my heart bursting
or maybe your head.
Well you’re about as fragile
as the plush carnival rose
I won throwing darts at balloons.
How satisfying that “pop” was,
like my heart bursting
or maybe your head.
Trucker Hat Lament
Trucker Hat Lament
I don’t know why I bought it
in the first place.
It doesn’t even look good
on me.
I don’t know why I bought it
in the first place.
It doesn’t even look good
on me.
Frozen
Frozen
Today I dreamed I was freezing.
I could feel my organs slowly
begin to shut themselves down.
I could feel myself go insane,
as my mind screamed for warmth
and my fingers turned blue.
I felt myself go numb,
my lungs collapsed,
my hearing faded & my vision blurred.
And then –
I couldn’t feel at all.
Today I dreamed I was freezing.
I could feel my organs slowly
begin to shut themselves down.
I could feel myself go insane,
as my mind screamed for warmth
and my fingers turned blue.
I felt myself go numb,
my lungs collapsed,
my hearing faded & my vision blurred.
And then –
I couldn’t feel at all.
Drowning
Drowning
Last night I dreamed I was drowning.
I was gasping for air
but finding none,
suspended weightless
in a pool –
of Jello.
Last night I dreamed I was drowning.
I was gasping for air
but finding none,
suspended weightless
in a pool –
of Jello.
All I Can See Is You
All I Can See Is You
I tried so hard
to write a poem for you,
but the words kept
slipping away,
like tadpoles darting through
the clumsy fingers of young children
dabbling at the water’s edge.
I’d scrawl a line on scrap paper
but nothing rhymed,
nothing fit,
nothing sounded quite as right
as my heartbeat does when you are near.
It all seemed like a tacky joke;
every other line was plaid & polka dot
and absolutely nothing meshed.
I couldn’t even describe your eyes right,
how deep they are
so deep I could stay lost in them for days,
and the way they sparkle when you laugh.
Or the way you smile at me
when you’re trying your best to be serious
and it isn’t working,
how you half-smirk to hide your laughter
and I just melt.
Then there’s the comfortable way
you bump your hip into mine,
when we’re kneeling next to each other
on the seats, in the middle of a crowded concert
and all I can see
is you.
I tried so hard
to write a poem for you,
but the words kept
slipping away,
like tadpoles darting through
the clumsy fingers of young children
dabbling at the water’s edge.
I’d scrawl a line on scrap paper
but nothing rhymed,
nothing fit,
nothing sounded quite as right
as my heartbeat does when you are near.
It all seemed like a tacky joke;
every other line was plaid & polka dot
and absolutely nothing meshed.
I couldn’t even describe your eyes right,
how deep they are
so deep I could stay lost in them for days,
and the way they sparkle when you laugh.
Or the way you smile at me
when you’re trying your best to be serious
and it isn’t working,
how you half-smirk to hide your laughter
and I just melt.
Then there’s the comfortable way
you bump your hip into mine,
when we’re kneeling next to each other
on the seats, in the middle of a crowded concert
and all I can see
is you.
I live for every breath he takes…
I live for every breath he takes…
He has no idea.
I live for every breath he takes,
yet he is completely oblivious
to the meaning hidden deep inside my eyes.
When he’s near every part of me is alive,
but I die a little
every time he walks away.
Without him,
I fear I am nothing
and every time he looks at her
I fall apart piece by piece,
slow torturous agony
even if they’re nothing more than best friends.
Every breath hurts without him.
He has no idea.
I live for every breath he takes,
yet he is completely oblivious
to the meaning hidden deep inside my eyes.
When he’s near every part of me is alive,
but I die a little
every time he walks away.
Without him,
I fear I am nothing
and every time he looks at her
I fall apart piece by piece,
slow torturous agony
even if they’re nothing more than best friends.
Every breath hurts without him.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
It’s Only Pretend.
It’s Only Pretend.
In the dark of my room,
at the end of the day
when everything around me is silent,
save for the television downstairs
and the crickets outside my window,
I close my eyes tightly against the shadows.
My mind comes alive behind fluttering eyelids,
I can see us together so clearly.
You grab my hand and pull me close,
and when our lips meet
it’s like stars colliding in the sky up above.
I lay my head on your chest and listen to your heartbeat,
my own is fluttering like butterflies
frantic with wanting.
I cannot stop my overactive mind,
I cannot stop my overactive need.
Until finally my eyelids flutter open,
and I realize I’m still alone
and it’s only pretend.
In the dark of my room,
at the end of the day
when everything around me is silent,
save for the television downstairs
and the crickets outside my window,
I close my eyes tightly against the shadows.
My mind comes alive behind fluttering eyelids,
I can see us together so clearly.
You grab my hand and pull me close,
and when our lips meet
it’s like stars colliding in the sky up above.
I lay my head on your chest and listen to your heartbeat,
my own is fluttering like butterflies
frantic with wanting.
I cannot stop my overactive mind,
I cannot stop my overactive need.
Until finally my eyelids flutter open,
and I realize I’m still alone
and it’s only pretend.
Drama & Courage.
Drama & Courage.
You hold my hands,
you stare deep into my eyes
with a penetrating glance
that sets my soul on fire.
You hold me close,
I can hear your heartbeat
and it’s racing just as fast as mine.
But it’s all pretend,
we’re only pretending,
and it’s only pretend.
Were we outside of this drama
would it all be the same,
or would you change?
I wish upon every single star in the sky
that I could confess to you
everything I’m feeling,
and that your eyes would soften
as I let the words spill out from my lips.
I wish you’d hold me close
and look at me with understanding eyes,
eyes that held the same emotion as mine,
as you confess that you feel the same.
But I cannot find the courage
to tell you what I need to…
I cannot find the courage to say
I love you.
You hold my hands,
you stare deep into my eyes
with a penetrating glance
that sets my soul on fire.
You hold me close,
I can hear your heartbeat
and it’s racing just as fast as mine.
But it’s all pretend,
we’re only pretending,
and it’s only pretend.
Were we outside of this drama
would it all be the same,
or would you change?
I wish upon every single star in the sky
that I could confess to you
everything I’m feeling,
and that your eyes would soften
as I let the words spill out from my lips.
I wish you’d hold me close
and look at me with understanding eyes,
eyes that held the same emotion as mine,
as you confess that you feel the same.
But I cannot find the courage
to tell you what I need to…
I cannot find the courage to say
I love you.
Invisible.
Invisible.
I slip through your mind
like a vessel sliding smoothly through the sea,
cutting the water gently in two.
I’m light as a ghost,
fluttering right in the corner of your brain,
a silent whisper in the dark.
I am transparent,
changing shape and color
to blend seamlessly into your every word.
You may try to seek me out,
but you will never find me
for my camouflage is excellent.
I spill through your fingers
like sand through an hourglass,
always changing, always moving.
I never stay near you for too long.
I slip through your mind
like a vessel sliding smoothly through the sea,
cutting the water gently in two.
I’m light as a ghost,
fluttering right in the corner of your brain,
a silent whisper in the dark.
I am transparent,
changing shape and color
to blend seamlessly into your every word.
You may try to seek me out,
but you will never find me
for my camouflage is excellent.
I spill through your fingers
like sand through an hourglass,
always changing, always moving.
I never stay near you for too long.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
He Just Can’t See Me.
He Just Can’t See Me.
His eyes burned into mine,
I felt the heat.
But we were just like strangers
who’d passed on the street.
The words were clumsy,
all tangled and wrong.
He had tears in his eyes
at the end of my song.
But it’s not meant to be,
no, he doesn’t want me.
He’s turning around,
he’s walking away.
No words in my power
could make him stay.
He doesn’t want
to be the one for me.
He’s just so blinded,
he just can’t see.
He told me yes
when he should have said no.
He didn’t seem to care
when my heart broke, though.
He left me alone.
all alone in his wake.
When he’s already got my heart,
what’s left then to take?
But it’s not meant to be,
no, he doesn’t want me.
He’s turning around,
he’s walking away.
No words in my power
could make him stay.
He doesn’t want
to be the one for me.
He’s just so blinded,
he just can’t see.
This has all gone so wrong,
it wasn’t supposed to
be this way.
I wish on the stars,
I wish I could find
some way to make him stay.
He’s turning around,
he’s walking away.
No words in my power
could make him stay.
He doesn’t want
to be the one for me.
He’s just so blinded,
he just can’t see.
No, he just can’t see me.
His eyes burned into mine,
I felt the heat.
But we were just like strangers
who’d passed on the street.
The words were clumsy,
all tangled and wrong.
He had tears in his eyes
at the end of my song.
But it’s not meant to be,
no, he doesn’t want me.
He’s turning around,
he’s walking away.
No words in my power
could make him stay.
He doesn’t want
to be the one for me.
He’s just so blinded,
he just can’t see.
He told me yes
when he should have said no.
He didn’t seem to care
when my heart broke, though.
He left me alone.
all alone in his wake.
When he’s already got my heart,
what’s left then to take?
But it’s not meant to be,
no, he doesn’t want me.
He’s turning around,
he’s walking away.
No words in my power
could make him stay.
He doesn’t want
to be the one for me.
He’s just so blinded,
he just can’t see.
This has all gone so wrong,
it wasn’t supposed to
be this way.
I wish on the stars,
I wish I could find
some way to make him stay.
He’s turning around,
he’s walking away.
No words in my power
could make him stay.
He doesn’t want
to be the one for me.
He’s just so blinded,
he just can’t see.
No, he just can’t see me.
Dear Diary, it appears I am dead.
Dear Diary, it appears I am dead.
Dear diary,
it appears
I am dead.
I do not breathe,
I do not sigh,
the thoughts are silent
in my head.
My heart beats
no more,
my blood is still.
Or, it would be
if there was any,
but now
it never will.
I’m falling apart,
festering,
rotting,
right where I stand.
I cannot feel
anything
not even
the touchof your hand.
Dear diary,
it appears
I am dead.
I do not breathe,
I do not sigh,
the thoughts are silent
in my head.
My heart beats
no more,
my blood is still.
Or, it would be
if there was any,
but now
it never will.
I’m falling apart,
festering,
rotting,
right where I stand.
I cannot feel
anything
not even
the touchof your hand.
Invisible
Invisible
I slip through your mind
like a vessel sliding smoothly through the sea,
cutting the water gently in two.
I’m light as a ghost,
fluttering right in the corner of your brain,
a silent whisper in the dark.
I am transparent,
changing shape and color
to blend seamlessly into your every word.
You may try to seek me out,
but you will never find me
for my camouflage is excellent.
I spill through your fingers
like sand through an hourglass,
always changing, always moving.
I never stay near you for too long.
I slip through your mind
like a vessel sliding smoothly through the sea,
cutting the water gently in two.
I’m light as a ghost,
fluttering right in the corner of your brain,
a silent whisper in the dark.
I am transparent,
changing shape and color
to blend seamlessly into your every word.
You may try to seek me out,
but you will never find me
for my camouflage is excellent.
I spill through your fingers
like sand through an hourglass,
always changing, always moving.
I never stay near you for too long.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Ghost.
We can never come to this place again,
all we have now are memories
of what was and what can never be again.
Why does love fade away?
Is it not supposed to be everlasting,
something that touches your soul
and roosts there for ages,
til you grow old?
How can two people fall so far apart?
It seems as if we're standing on two sides of the world,
you're that far away.
I wish it was not like this,
I wish you were more than just
a ghost, to me.
all we have now are memories
of what was and what can never be again.
Why does love fade away?
Is it not supposed to be everlasting,
something that touches your soul
and roosts there for ages,
til you grow old?
How can two people fall so far apart?
It seems as if we're standing on two sides of the world,
you're that far away.
I wish it was not like this,
I wish you were more than just
a ghost, to me.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Hold Me Near, Blue Eyes.
Hold Me Near, Blue Eyes.
(This is not autobiographical.)
You don't care that I'm morbid
or that I'm dancing in the rain outside the funeral home,
refusing to go inside,
refusing to attend my own sister's funeral.
You don't care that I'm wearing long sleeves under my black dress,
to cover the scars inflicted upon me over the years.
You don't care that I'm living in a broken home,
that my father isn’t around and my mother’s not all there.
You don't care that my love for you
is all wrapped up in shadows and death.
You don't care.
You just stand in front of the door and watch me dance,
waiting until I decide I'm done
and that the stereo inside my head is switched off completely.
You sit down on the step and take my hand
to pull me down beside you.
You don't care when I break down and my facade crumbles,
as the tears start slipping slowly down my cheeks.
You wrap your arms around me
and I let my head rest on your shoulder.
You don't care that I'm ruining your suit,
the one that cost you 3 months allowance.
You don't care that I'm so locked up in my own head right now
that I can't even think of anything but myself.
You just hold me.
And that's where they find us hours later.
The funeral is over,
the relatives are angry,
and I'll pay dearly for skipping the service.
They will see to that later.
But right now, you and I run off down the street,
hand in hand,
ignoring the voices that float on the breeze behind us.
We’re running away from everything we don't understand.
The rain slaps down on the pavement around us,
but your hand is warm in mine
and your heart is beating at the same speed
as the one in my own chest.
We run until we run out of pavement,
and then we keep running.
Somewhere halfway through the woods,
you stop and turn to look at me.
My mascara is running and my eyes are red and swollen from crying,
my hair is soaking wet,
in fact everything is soaking wet.
You push the hair out of my face and lean in to kiss me.
There's a whole world behind us,
that we've left in the dark:
the abuse, the violence, the death and the deceit.
But you don't care about any of that,
you just care about me.
There's no witness but the stars
and the night that falls around us,
as we confess our love and divulge our secrets.
There's no one but us in the shadow of the night,
hidden in the forest from prying eyes.
And you just watch me with sad blue eyes,
full of tears.
In the morning we watch the sun rise over the hills
before we climb out of the trees
and make our way back to the funeral home.
We get in your car and drive down the road,
the sun is just coming up.
I know my mother will be hung over like crazy,
and angry as hell at me
so I slip in the back door, grab my backpack,
and run back out to jump in the passenger seat.
Just in time, too.
My mother comes out of the front door,
spewing obscenities at me.
You drop your foot on the petal and we drive off,
away from everything we know.
Away from everything we hate.
(This is not autobiographical.)
You don't care that I'm morbid
or that I'm dancing in the rain outside the funeral home,
refusing to go inside,
refusing to attend my own sister's funeral.
You don't care that I'm wearing long sleeves under my black dress,
to cover the scars inflicted upon me over the years.
You don't care that I'm living in a broken home,
that my father isn’t around and my mother’s not all there.
You don't care that my love for you
is all wrapped up in shadows and death.
You don't care.
You just stand in front of the door and watch me dance,
waiting until I decide I'm done
and that the stereo inside my head is switched off completely.
You sit down on the step and take my hand
to pull me down beside you.
You don't care when I break down and my facade crumbles,
as the tears start slipping slowly down my cheeks.
You wrap your arms around me
and I let my head rest on your shoulder.
You don't care that I'm ruining your suit,
the one that cost you 3 months allowance.
You don't care that I'm so locked up in my own head right now
that I can't even think of anything but myself.
You just hold me.
And that's where they find us hours later.
The funeral is over,
the relatives are angry,
and I'll pay dearly for skipping the service.
They will see to that later.
But right now, you and I run off down the street,
hand in hand,
ignoring the voices that float on the breeze behind us.
We’re running away from everything we don't understand.
The rain slaps down on the pavement around us,
but your hand is warm in mine
and your heart is beating at the same speed
as the one in my own chest.
We run until we run out of pavement,
and then we keep running.
Somewhere halfway through the woods,
you stop and turn to look at me.
My mascara is running and my eyes are red and swollen from crying,
my hair is soaking wet,
in fact everything is soaking wet.
You push the hair out of my face and lean in to kiss me.
There's a whole world behind us,
that we've left in the dark:
the abuse, the violence, the death and the deceit.
But you don't care about any of that,
you just care about me.
There's no witness but the stars
and the night that falls around us,
as we confess our love and divulge our secrets.
There's no one but us in the shadow of the night,
hidden in the forest from prying eyes.
And you just watch me with sad blue eyes,
full of tears.
In the morning we watch the sun rise over the hills
before we climb out of the trees
and make our way back to the funeral home.
We get in your car and drive down the road,
the sun is just coming up.
I know my mother will be hung over like crazy,
and angry as hell at me
so I slip in the back door, grab my backpack,
and run back out to jump in the passenger seat.
Just in time, too.
My mother comes out of the front door,
spewing obscenities at me.
You drop your foot on the petal and we drive off,
away from everything we know.
Away from everything we hate.
The Ones.
The Ones.
This is for the unfaithful,
the unloved,
the ones marked absent-minded
in the roll call list of life.
The oppressed, the mocked,
the ones called ugly beyond their backs
or more importantly, to their faces.
The ones pointed to and laughed at,
the different,
the unique.
for everyone who’s ever been labeled,
everyone who’s been called freak,
everyone who’s locked themselves away
or cried themselves to sleep.
The ones who build their walls so high
just because they’re scared of being broken.
The ones who hide their true selves
behind expressionless masks and paper faces,
just to avoid confrontation.
Everyone and anyone cast away like society’s rejects.
You are beautiful.
This is for the unfaithful,
the unloved,
the ones marked absent-minded
in the roll call list of life.
The oppressed, the mocked,
the ones called ugly beyond their backs
or more importantly, to their faces.
The ones pointed to and laughed at,
the different,
the unique.
for everyone who’s ever been labeled,
everyone who’s been called freak,
everyone who’s locked themselves away
or cried themselves to sleep.
The ones who build their walls so high
just because they’re scared of being broken.
The ones who hide their true selves
behind expressionless masks and paper faces,
just to avoid confrontation.
Everyone and anyone cast away like society’s rejects.
You are beautiful.
Never Satisfied.
Never Satisfied.
You say “I’m his because he likes perfection.”
But honey, you’re lying to yourself,
he could never be satisfied with perfection.
Because on the nights you are out with your friends,
head thrown back just so to the tune of
“Oh, that was so funny, say it again”,
he extends his hand to a girl-model
in ruby lipstick and mile-high heels.
And as you skip down the boulevard,
holding hands with your nearest and dearest
and cocking your head at handsome strangers in boutique windows,
he is snuggling deep within the covers
of another lover’s bed.
When the sun rises tomorrow
you’ll wake to your empty bed,
stretching and yawning
and dressing in the early morning dark.
But he will wake up much later,
wrapped in the tight embrace
of a skinny twenty-something,
still wearing her precious heels.
You say “I’m his because he likes perfection.”
But honey, you’re lying to yourself,
he could never be satisfied with perfection.
Because on the nights you are out with your friends,
head thrown back just so to the tune of
“Oh, that was so funny, say it again”,
he extends his hand to a girl-model
in ruby lipstick and mile-high heels.
And as you skip down the boulevard,
holding hands with your nearest and dearest
and cocking your head at handsome strangers in boutique windows,
he is snuggling deep within the covers
of another lover’s bed.
When the sun rises tomorrow
you’ll wake to your empty bed,
stretching and yawning
and dressing in the early morning dark.
But he will wake up much later,
wrapped in the tight embrace
of a skinny twenty-something,
still wearing her precious heels.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Pressure.
Reality TV
is lying to me,
showing me just what I should be.
I open another magazine
it's the same old thing again.
In a world where pin thin
is always in,
& the less you eat
the more you win,
how can anyone ever live?
I'm not high-end,
I'm not couture
I don't know just what
I am anymore.
But I refuse to conform
to anyone's dream
of what I should be.
Because then,
I wouldn't be me.
is lying to me,
showing me just what I should be.
I open another magazine
it's the same old thing again.
In a world where pin thin
is always in,
& the less you eat
the more you win,
how can anyone ever live?
I'm not high-end,
I'm not couture
I don't know just what
I am anymore.
But I refuse to conform
to anyone's dream
of what I should be.
Because then,
I wouldn't be me.
She.
She hides her eyes
in folds of silk & sleeves of lace.
Her lips open and close
like a fish out of water,
she lies wasted on the shore.
Once she walked the earth,
a goddess in every respect
with mile-high heels
and glittering eyes.
But since the downfalling of the universe
she lies motionless on the beach,
afraid to move.
in folds of silk & sleeves of lace.
Her lips open and close
like a fish out of water,
she lies wasted on the shore.
Once she walked the earth,
a goddess in every respect
with mile-high heels
and glittering eyes.
But since the downfalling of the universe
she lies motionless on the beach,
afraid to move.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Curse.
Curse.
Sun streams in my window
But I wake to freezing rain.
I blink my hazy eyes
To clear the fog inside my brain.
My vision focuses on
Your picture on my wall.
And now I am reminded
That you’re not here at all.
I wish I could snuggle down
Back inside my covers,
Safe from all reality
And strings of my past lovers.
But daylight beckons to me,
Drags me screaming from my bed.
I’m not ready to go out there,
Please let me sleep instead.
“You can’t avoid life forever,
You can’t afford to hide away.”
I run from the sunlight,
I live in yesterday.
The present’s just to painful,
And the past is even worse.
My life is a waking nightmare,
The future is a curse.
Please don’t let my demons get me,
They haunt my every move.
Let me rest in silence,
I have nothing left to prove.
Sun streams in my window
But I wake to freezing rain.
I blink my hazy eyes
To clear the fog inside my brain.
My vision focuses on
Your picture on my wall.
And now I am reminded
That you’re not here at all.
I wish I could snuggle down
Back inside my covers,
Safe from all reality
And strings of my past lovers.
But daylight beckons to me,
Drags me screaming from my bed.
I’m not ready to go out there,
Please let me sleep instead.
“You can’t avoid life forever,
You can’t afford to hide away.”
I run from the sunlight,
I live in yesterday.
The present’s just to painful,
And the past is even worse.
My life is a waking nightmare,
The future is a curse.
Please don’t let my demons get me,
They haunt my every move.
Let me rest in silence,
I have nothing left to prove.
What Lonely Lives We Lead.
What Lonely Lives We Lead.
I’m tired of comparing love to…
well, anything, really.
It all seems so trite and played out.
It’s already been compared to everything.
Screw doves and halting heartbeats,
our love is none of that.
Our love is lonely, austere,
painful and soul-crushing.
It’s nothing but weeks and weeks
of no communication,
waiting up by the phone
and hoping you would call.
You never did.
Or leaving almost frantic messages,
practically begging you to go out.
I wish I weren’t the desperate one,
you never seem to care.
What lonely lives we lead.
I’m tired of comparing love to…
well, anything, really.
It all seems so trite and played out.
It’s already been compared to everything.
Screw doves and halting heartbeats,
our love is none of that.
Our love is lonely, austere,
painful and soul-crushing.
It’s nothing but weeks and weeks
of no communication,
waiting up by the phone
and hoping you would call.
You never did.
Or leaving almost frantic messages,
practically begging you to go out.
I wish I weren’t the desperate one,
you never seem to care.
What lonely lives we lead.
Suicide.
Suicide.
“You suck at suicide.”
I look up at Lola.
She’s standing in front of the bathtub,
Watching me and frowning.
Go away. I’m busy.
I dig the blade into my wrist.
the pain is sharp,
it cuts me to the bone.
A tear rolls silently down my cheek;
Lola wipes it away with her thumb.
“It’s not going to work, sweetie.
You’ve tried this one before.
Remember?
It was right after the pills
and right before you dropped that hairdryer in your bath.”
I know. But this time, I’m going through with it.
“I won’t let you.”
She pries the cold blade from my fingers
and sends it flying through the window,
where it sticks in a tree.
She wraps a warm, wet washcloth around my arm.
“You suck at suicide, remember?”
“You suck at suicide.”
I look up at Lola.
She’s standing in front of the bathtub,
Watching me and frowning.
Go away. I’m busy.
I dig the blade into my wrist.
the pain is sharp,
it cuts me to the bone.
A tear rolls silently down my cheek;
Lola wipes it away with her thumb.
“It’s not going to work, sweetie.
You’ve tried this one before.
Remember?
It was right after the pills
and right before you dropped that hairdryer in your bath.”
I know. But this time, I’m going through with it.
“I won’t let you.”
She pries the cold blade from my fingers
and sends it flying through the window,
where it sticks in a tree.
She wraps a warm, wet washcloth around my arm.
“You suck at suicide, remember?”
Pretend
Pretend
Let me smile & pretend
that everything’s just fine.
Obviously, it’s not
but don’t worry about me.
I’m much better off
pretending my façade
is actually fooling someone.
No one will know,
no one will know.
Just keep it quiet
don’t let anyone know
that inside I’m crying.
Let me smile & pretend
that everything’s just fine.
Obviously, it’s not
but don’t worry about me.
I’m much better off
pretending my façade
is actually fooling someone.
No one will know,
no one will know.
Just keep it quiet
don’t let anyone know
that inside I’m crying.
I would
I would
I would dial your number
just to listen to you breathe.
I would sit at the edge of your bed
and watch you while you dream.
I would reach right up to heaven
and pull you down a star.
I would hand you perfection
because perfect is what you are.
I would do almost anything
just to see you smile.
I would wait forever
just to see you for awhile.
I would love to love you
if you would allow me to.
But that will never be,
I will never be with you.
I would dial your number
just to listen to you breathe.
I would sit at the edge of your bed
and watch you while you dream.
I would reach right up to heaven
and pull you down a star.
I would hand you perfection
because perfect is what you are.
I would do almost anything
just to see you smile.
I would wait forever
just to see you for awhile.
I would love to love you
if you would allow me to.
But that will never be,
I will never be with you.
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