Hold Me Near, Blue Eyes.

Hold Me Near, Blue Eyes.
(This is not autobiographical.)

You don't care that I'm morbid
or that I'm dancing in the rain outside the funeral home,
refusing to go inside,
refusing to attend my own sister's funeral.
You don't care that I'm wearing long sleeves under my black dress,
to cover the scars inflicted upon me over the years.
You don't care that I'm living in a broken home,
that my father isn’t around and my mother’s not all there.
You don't care that my love for you
is all wrapped up in shadows and death.
You don't care.

You just stand in front of the door and watch me dance,
waiting until I decide I'm done
and that the stereo inside my head is switched off completely.
You sit down on the step and take my hand
to pull me down beside you.
You don't care when I break down and my facade crumbles,
as the tears start slipping slowly down my cheeks.
You wrap your arms around me
and I let my head rest on your shoulder.
You don't care that I'm ruining your suit,
the one that cost you 3 months allowance.
You don't care that I'm so locked up in my own head right now
that I can't even think of anything but myself.
You just hold me.

And that's where they find us hours later.
The funeral is over,
the relatives are angry,
and I'll pay dearly for skipping the service.
They will see to that later.
But right now, you and I run off down the street,
hand in hand,
ignoring the voices that float on the breeze behind us.
We’re running away from everything we don't understand.
The rain slaps down on the pavement around us,
but your hand is warm in mine
and your heart is beating at the same speed
as the one in my own chest.
We run until we run out of pavement,
and then we keep running.

Somewhere halfway through the woods,
you stop and turn to look at me.
My mascara is running and my eyes are red and swollen from crying,
my hair is soaking wet,
in fact everything is soaking wet.
You push the hair out of my face and lean in to kiss me.
There's a whole world behind us,
that we've left in the dark:
the abuse, the violence, the death and the deceit.
But you don't care about any of that,
you just care about me.

There's no witness but the stars
and the night that falls around us,
as we confess our love and divulge our secrets.
There's no one but us in the shadow of the night,
hidden in the forest from prying eyes.
And you just watch me with sad blue eyes,
full of tears.

In the morning we watch the sun rise over the hills
before we climb out of the trees
and make our way back to the funeral home.
We get in your car and drive down the road,
the sun is just coming up.
I know my mother will be hung over like crazy,
and angry as hell at me
so I slip in the back door, grab my backpack,
and run back out to jump in the passenger seat.

Just in time, too.
My mother comes out of the front door,
spewing obscenities at me.
You drop your foot on the petal and we drive off,
away from everything we know.
Away from everything we hate.