This is a Heart
This is a heart.
4 chambers,
6 valves.
Blood goes in
blood comes out.
Pump.
Beat.
Pulse.
In through arteries,
out through veins.
Circulation.
Left and right ventricle,
left and right atrium.
Networks of blood vessels,
keeping me living.
And right down the middle
there’s a jagged tear,
thanks to you.
This is a heart.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Take Me
Take Me
Take me, take me.
I am
flawed,
I am
reaching,
I am
falling
hard
and fast.
I can’t escape
your eyes,
I’m
burning
please,
take me.
Take me, take me.
I am
flawed,
I am
reaching,
I am
falling
hard
and fast.
I can’t escape
your eyes,
I’m
burning
please,
take me.
Have a Heart
Have a Heart
i'd burn this motherfucking town
til it was nothing but ashes on the ground,
if you'd notice me
for just one second.
but since you look right through me
like i'm made of cellophane,
i get nothing from you but pain.
so thanks.
give me a second
to yank this knife from my back
where you shoved it in good and deep,
down between my shoulder blades.
if i had a heart,
it would be bleeding.
i'd burn this motherfucking town
til it was nothing but ashes on the ground,
if you'd notice me
for just one second.
but since you look right through me
like i'm made of cellophane,
i get nothing from you but pain.
so thanks.
give me a second
to yank this knife from my back
where you shoved it in good and deep,
down between my shoulder blades.
if i had a heart,
it would be bleeding.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Crawling
Crawling
Why can't I bring myself to say the words I need to say?
I need you more than ever
and I never stopped loving you.
It's like some fire smouldering
deep within my soul,
all consuming.
My mind is pregnant with the thought
of holding you once again.
How hard is that to tell someone?
More than you can ever imagine,
more than he will ever know.
I cannot form the words,
I cannot make me stop loving you.
I never will.
Why can't I bring myself to say the words I need to say?
I need you more than ever
and I never stopped loving you.
It's like some fire smouldering
deep within my soul,
all consuming.
My mind is pregnant with the thought
of holding you once again.
How hard is that to tell someone?
More than you can ever imagine,
more than he will ever know.
I cannot form the words,
I cannot make me stop loving you.
I never will.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Wish Life Was Real
Wish Life Was Real
Wish I could fly
wish I weren’t such a
puppet on a string.
Wish my smile weren’t so fake,
wish my expression
fit my thoughts.
Wish I could forget
every word he ever said.
Wish this heart were some prophet
to reveal every truth,
wish I weren’t such a
desperate whore,
wish you weren’t so
damn perfect.
Wish I weren’t so out of my mind,
wish everything didn’t
come crashing down on my head
every few days or so.
Wish I were a little bit more,
more loveable,
more likeable,
much more quiet.
Wish the sky weren’t so dark
and it’s 1:15
on a lonely Monday morning
but I wish it wasn’t,
and I wish I wasn’t.
Wish the voices in my head
would SHUT UP for once
and just let me sleep.
Wish the moon were out tonight
wish something felt real to me,
somehow.
Wish I weren’t so miserable all the time
because then maybe
someone would be able to stand me.
Wish everyone’s eyes
weren’t so accusing
wish I weren’t such a
mistake waiting to happen.
Wish my insecurities
weren’t constantly on display,
just wish I could
disappear,
relax.
Wish I didn’t know everything I know
wish I could live in a haze
like everyone around me,
post-coital, post-hangover
drug-ridden existences.
Wish I wasn’t who I am,
maybe be who I was
2 years prior to this moment.
Wish I weren’t so painfully aware
that everything in my life
is such a sham.
Wish I could fly
wish I weren’t such a
puppet on a string.
Wish my smile weren’t so fake,
wish my expression
fit my thoughts.
Wish I could forget
every word he ever said.
Wish this heart were some prophet
to reveal every truth,
wish I weren’t such a
desperate whore,
wish you weren’t so
damn perfect.
Wish I weren’t so out of my mind,
wish everything didn’t
come crashing down on my head
every few days or so.
Wish I were a little bit more,
more loveable,
more likeable,
much more quiet.
Wish the sky weren’t so dark
and it’s 1:15
on a lonely Monday morning
but I wish it wasn’t,
and I wish I wasn’t.
Wish the voices in my head
would SHUT UP for once
and just let me sleep.
Wish the moon were out tonight
wish something felt real to me,
somehow.
Wish I weren’t so miserable all the time
because then maybe
someone would be able to stand me.
Wish everyone’s eyes
weren’t so accusing
wish I weren’t such a
mistake waiting to happen.
Wish my insecurities
weren’t constantly on display,
just wish I could
disappear,
relax.
Wish I didn’t know everything I know
wish I could live in a haze
like everyone around me,
post-coital, post-hangover
drug-ridden existences.
Wish I wasn’t who I am,
maybe be who I was
2 years prior to this moment.
Wish I weren’t so painfully aware
that everything in my life
is such a sham.
Can you still feel?
Can you still feel?
Can’t breathe.
couldn’t sleep
my brain’s on overload.
Love leaves you broken and cold,
shivering in its absence
and wishing for release.
Friends grow apart,
memories fading,
people once close
turning away from each other.
Moments grow awkward
when the ones sharing them
lock eyes, break contact,
look away as if scared
to reach out to the other being.
I feel like a lion in a cage,
never seen the sky
but I pace still,
unaware.
Nothing makes sense
to a tortured poetic soul.
When your heart dies
can you still feel?
Can’t breathe.
couldn’t sleep
my brain’s on overload.
Love leaves you broken and cold,
shivering in its absence
and wishing for release.
Friends grow apart,
memories fading,
people once close
turning away from each other.
Moments grow awkward
when the ones sharing them
lock eyes, break contact,
look away as if scared
to reach out to the other being.
I feel like a lion in a cage,
never seen the sky
but I pace still,
unaware.
Nothing makes sense
to a tortured poetic soul.
When your heart dies
can you still feel?
You Turn Away
You Turn Away
Feel empty
like a skeleton
in my clothes.
I’m not all here,
you’re not all there.
Nothing but love-drunk ramblings,
your eyes are full with her.
You’re satiated
but I’m starving.
I gnaw my cheeks
you turn away.
You turn away.
Feel empty
like a skeleton
in my clothes.
I’m not all here,
you’re not all there.
Nothing but love-drunk ramblings,
your eyes are full with her.
You’re satiated
but I’m starving.
I gnaw my cheeks
you turn away.
You turn away.
Running Myself Into the Ground
Running Myself Into the Ground
I’ve kind of given up on sleeping.
More relaxing to watch
lazy pen shadows,
strokes drawn slowly by flashlight
on a silent Monday morning
when all I can think about
is how hungry I am
for everything:
love, food, comfort, companionship.
I close my eyes
but what’s the use?
I’m running myself into the ground
and nothing can save me.
I’ve kind of given up on sleeping.
More relaxing to watch
lazy pen shadows,
strokes drawn slowly by flashlight
on a silent Monday morning
when all I can think about
is how hungry I am
for everything:
love, food, comfort, companionship.
I close my eyes
but what’s the use?
I’m running myself into the ground
and nothing can save me.
Despair in 2 Languages
Despair in 2 Languages
Say anything
to drag me back
out of this despair,
I’m drowning.
Cue sad French music,
“Il n’avait pluie rien.”
You lie.
It will always be raining,
pour moi.
Say anything
to drag me back
out of this despair,
I’m drowning.
Cue sad French music,
“Il n’avait pluie rien.”
You lie.
It will always be raining,
pour moi.
Shell
Shell
I miss those days
when my smile wasn’t fake,
when every laugh was genuine
and life was truly joyous.
Lately everything’s gotten so hard,
so complicated.
I’ve built my walls up so high
I don’t think anyone
can every break them down.
I cannot cry for you
anymore than I ever could.
Who have I become?
I miss those days
when my smile wasn’t fake,
when every laugh was genuine
and life was truly joyous.
Lately everything’s gotten so hard,
so complicated.
I’ve built my walls up so high
I don’t think anyone
can every break them down.
I cannot cry for you
anymore than I ever could.
Who have I become?
No Sleep.
No Sleep.
Times like these
I wish for cigarettes,
comfort in a burning wick
or filter.
Instead I turn to indie music
wish I could cry
but my eyes stay
horribly dry.
Why is everyone else sleeping
and I lie here
so awake,
on pins and needles?
Times like these
I wish for cigarettes,
comfort in a burning wick
or filter.
Instead I turn to indie music
wish I could cry
but my eyes stay
horribly dry.
Why is everyone else sleeping
and I lie here
so awake,
on pins and needles?
Hands grasp
Hands grasp
Hands grasp
teeth clench
tear
clothes
fall
she cries.
He runs his fingers through her hair.
“No one could be better.”
Hands grasp
teeth clench
tear
clothes
fall
she cries.
He runs his fingers through her hair.
“No one could be better.”
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Love Note
Love Note
She slipped a square of paper
into the pocket of his sweater.
When he turned around,
she was already gone.
He sat in the corner
and unfolded the letter.
It read:
“Do you know how many nights
I’ve been dreaming you would notice me?
and then yesterday you held my hand
and every part of me was alive,
for a moment in time.
I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
She signed it with a heart.
He crumpled up the paper.
She watched with a heavy heart
as he threw it away
and walked out the door.
She was trying not to cry,
bent over her math workbook
trying her hardest to concentrate,
when a square of paper landed on her desk.
She opened it and sat there,
wiping away the tears that now rolled down her cheeks.
All the note said was
“I love you.”
That’s all it needed to say.
She slipped a square of paper
into the pocket of his sweater.
When he turned around,
she was already gone.
He sat in the corner
and unfolded the letter.
It read:
“Do you know how many nights
I’ve been dreaming you would notice me?
and then yesterday you held my hand
and every part of me was alive,
for a moment in time.
I think I’ve fallen in love with you.”
She signed it with a heart.
He crumpled up the paper.
She watched with a heavy heart
as he threw it away
and walked out the door.
She was trying not to cry,
bent over her math workbook
trying her hardest to concentrate,
when a square of paper landed on her desk.
She opened it and sat there,
wiping away the tears that now rolled down her cheeks.
All the note said was
“I love you.”
That’s all it needed to say.
Time to Kill
Time to Kill
Minutes tick by
on the clock that is my life.
Make something of yourself,
work harder,
hang out with the right people,
make the right connections.
Never trip up.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
The sand in the hourglass is running out.
The gears are turning slower and slower
and soon they’ll be too rusty
to even move at all.
Minutes tick by
on the clock that is my life.
Make something of yourself,
work harder,
hang out with the right people,
make the right connections.
Never trip up.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
The sand in the hourglass is running out.
The gears are turning slower and slower
and soon they’ll be too rusty
to even move at all.
I Chew My Regrets Off One By One
I Chew My Regrets Off One By One
The night is cold.
The sidewalk where I lay
is unforgiving,
miles of concrete
as far as the eye can see.
I’ve been wandering all day long
dragging around this old guitar.
I can’t even play.
Since the day we called it quits
nothing can make me smile
quite like you could.
My nerve-wracking habits
have gone from bad to worse,
I don’t think I even have fingernails anymore.
So I spread my fingers
across the dirty asphalt,
press my cheek to its comforting coldness
and feel alive.
The night is cold.
The sidewalk where I lay
is unforgiving,
miles of concrete
as far as the eye can see.
I’ve been wandering all day long
dragging around this old guitar.
I can’t even play.
Since the day we called it quits
nothing can make me smile
quite like you could.
My nerve-wracking habits
have gone from bad to worse,
I don’t think I even have fingernails anymore.
So I spread my fingers
across the dirty asphalt,
press my cheek to its comforting coldness
and feel alive.
Raining
Raining
I’ve been sitting here and watching
the puddles fill up with rain,
wishing I could let myself cry
the same way the clouds do.
Maybe then I could hover over you,
shower you with my tears
and you’d realize how much I need you.
Maybe then it would stop raining
and I could see the sun again.
I’ve been sitting here and watching
the puddles fill up with rain,
wishing I could let myself cry
the same way the clouds do.
Maybe then I could hover over you,
shower you with my tears
and you’d realize how much I need you.
Maybe then it would stop raining
and I could see the sun again.
Tigers Say Grrr
Tigers Say Grrr
The light burns my eyes.
My fingers are too tired
to pick out any tune on this old guitar.
I think I’m calling it a night.
I think I’m calling it goodbye.
I think that letter you wrote me
was absolute, total bullshit.
I think you never meant
a single word you said,
especially not “I love you”.
I think I could have been
the best thing you ever had,
but now you’ll never know.
And I can’t believe I’m thinking about you now,
sitting halfway down a slide
on some abandoned playground,
reading graffiti scrawled in Sharpie
proclaiming “tigers say grrrr”.
Well, I guess that’s my lesson to learn, then,
that nothing is what it seems.
I won’t let it fade away.
The light burns my eyes.
My fingers are too tired
to pick out any tune on this old guitar.
I think I’m calling it a night.
I think I’m calling it goodbye.
I think that letter you wrote me
was absolute, total bullshit.
I think you never meant
a single word you said,
especially not “I love you”.
I think I could have been
the best thing you ever had,
but now you’ll never know.
And I can’t believe I’m thinking about you now,
sitting halfway down a slide
on some abandoned playground,
reading graffiti scrawled in Sharpie
proclaiming “tigers say grrrr”.
Well, I guess that’s my lesson to learn, then,
that nothing is what it seems.
I won’t let it fade away.
Jill
Jill
My friend refers to the plural moose
as “meese”.
Once, she wrapped my red school sweater around her shoulders
and ran around my driveway
proclaiming “I am Super Meese”
at the top of her lungs.
One day I locked myself out of my house,
and she brought me back to her apartment
where we colored on gossip magazines with Sharpies,
until my mother could bring me a key.
But then she moved to England.
I miss her.
My friend refers to the plural moose
as “meese”.
Once, she wrapped my red school sweater around her shoulders
and ran around my driveway
proclaiming “I am Super Meese”
at the top of her lungs.
One day I locked myself out of my house,
and she brought me back to her apartment
where we colored on gossip magazines with Sharpies,
until my mother could bring me a key.
But then she moved to England.
I miss her.
Friendship
Friendship
I’d still be your friend
even if you had
a deformed twin fetus sticking out of your head.
So that means I’m true blue.
I’d still be your friend
even if you had
a deformed twin fetus sticking out of your head.
So that means I’m true blue.
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