Case #98067

Case #98067

Age: 21.
Eagle tattoo on the shoulder.
Clothing included
a leather jacket, orange polo,
and a pronounced lack of style.
Sex: Male. His nose turns
slightly up at the end.
His eyebrows were trimmed,
but his watch face melted.
Race: White. Even though
the burns cover over
seventy percent of the body,
he died in neatly pressed slacks.
Date of Death: May 5th, 2008.
The piñata exploded upon contact.
The police are investigating,
but, so far, have failed in finding
any leads. Donkeys are herbivorous
in the wild, but this one
must have been raised in captivity.
Autopsy findings: muscle atrophy.
Concentrated largely in the area of
the heart, extending the length
of his torso. His fingertips
are perfectly round and clean.
Degenerative joint changes. The
soles of his feet match
the color of early cave paintings
in Lascaux, France. Toxicology:
abnormal levels of carbon monoxide
present within the lungs. The lyrics
to popular love songs promote
spur of the moment hook ups
inside parked cars. Broken hearts
kill no one.

Cause of Death: suffocation,
third degree burns, poison. He
choked to death on his own heart.