Addicted
Oh no, you could never love me,
Oh no, you won’t even try.
Seven months and I’m still reeling,
your well-intentioned words still make me cry.
I know a woman should be strong,
but I’m only just learning how.
My heart is yearning to forget you,
but you’re my choice of addiction now.
I’ll never be sober,
I’ll never be right.
I know that it’s over,
I can’t help but fight.
I’m so sick of trying,
My heart’s just not tough.
I’m done with my crying,
Enough is enough.
I can’t drink you away,
(I can’t wish you away)
I can’t fly away,
I can’t fly away.
You’re not here to hold my hand,
Oh no, you never were.
You’re not near to dry my tears,
No, you’d rather be with her.
I hope she’s going to understand
when I call you late at night.
I’m still so damn addicted
but you will never be mine.
I’ll never be sober,
I’ll never be right.
I know that it’s over,
I can’t help but fight.
I’m so sick of trying,
My heart’s just not tough.
I’m done with my crying,
Enough is enough.
I can’t drink you away,
(I can’t wish you away)
I can’t fly away,
I can’t fly away.
I can’t get you out of my system,
there’s just no detox that strong.
I’m starting to realize I’ve been addicted all along,
I’ve been addicted all along.
I’ll never be sober,
I’ll never be right.
I know that it’s over,
I can’t help but fight.
I’m so sick of trying,
My heart’s just not tough.
I’m done with my crying,
Enough is enough.
I can’t drink you away,
(I can’t wish you away)
I can’t fly away,
I can’t fly away.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Friend
Friend
Forget the world we knew,
the one we once shared
before it all shattered apart,
when we were so close,
we seemed one soul.
Forget the words we whispered,
precious as vows in the darkness,
meaning nothing in the months to come.
Forget those moments
when the world didn’t exist,
when all that surrounded me
was your arms, your eyes, your lips,
yes, we were the only two people alive.
Remember that I loved you,
that I will until I die,
that every world I said to you was true
beyond the lies that separated us.
Remember that you loved me,
and your first true love never dies
even if we’ve both moved on,
even if we have separate lives.
Remember everything we shared,
every moment, every touch, every word.
We weren’t perfect
but who really could be?
We were something, once,
two hearts that beat at the same pace,
two souls that seemed sewn together
never to part.
So forget the fights,
the lonely nights,
but remember,
that we loved.
Forget the world we knew,
the one we once shared
before it all shattered apart,
when we were so close,
we seemed one soul.
Forget the words we whispered,
precious as vows in the darkness,
meaning nothing in the months to come.
Forget those moments
when the world didn’t exist,
when all that surrounded me
was your arms, your eyes, your lips,
yes, we were the only two people alive.
Remember that I loved you,
that I will until I die,
that every world I said to you was true
beyond the lies that separated us.
Remember that you loved me,
and your first true love never dies
even if we’ve both moved on,
even if we have separate lives.
Remember everything we shared,
every moment, every touch, every word.
We weren’t perfect
but who really could be?
We were something, once,
two hearts that beat at the same pace,
two souls that seemed sewn together
never to part.
So forget the fights,
the lonely nights,
but remember,
that we loved.
Love & Pain
Love & Pain
Pain comes hand in hand
with you,
with love.
Tears have run dry.
They will never fall.
Burnt-black eyes stare.
I am motionless,
you are gone.
Chop my heart into pieces
please feed me to your greed.
I am not broken,
you have not ripped me apart,
and I don’t need you to find me.
I was never, never,
lost.
Pain comes hand in hand
with you,
with love.
Tears have run dry.
They will never fall.
Burnt-black eyes stare.
I am motionless,
you are gone.
Chop my heart into pieces
please feed me to your greed.
I am not broken,
you have not ripped me apart,
and I don’t need you to find me.
I was never, never,
lost.
Born Under a Wandering Star
Born Under a Wandering Star
Restless.
I am never still,
my mind continues racing
even while my body is at rest.
I am constantly in motion,
running, laughing, acting, smiling.
I can’t be still,
I cannot slow down.
My passions keep me moving
constantly, constantly.
I am a butterfly
flitting from flower to flower.
How could you clip my wings?
Restless.
I am never still,
my mind continues racing
even while my body is at rest.
I am constantly in motion,
running, laughing, acting, smiling.
I can’t be still,
I cannot slow down.
My passions keep me moving
constantly, constantly.
I am a butterfly
flitting from flower to flower.
How could you clip my wings?
Monday, June 25, 2007
Love Me or Hate Me, It’s Still An Obsession
Love Me or Hate Me, It’s Still An Obsession
Look past my bitten-up fingernails,
my well-painted façade
I put on, brand-new, shiny,
each and every morning.
Can you see my soul inside?
Sometimes it’s just a glimmer,
one little shining star
in the midst of ink-black, velvety night.
So please believe me,
when I say “I live to let you shine”
quoting blasé song lyrics
because I’m afraid to tell you how I really feel.
We’re two different people now,
I fear you won’t recognize me,
my dark, angst-ridden eyes
my lips parted, ready
to tell you anything you want to hear.
No, that’s how I was.
Once.
Look past my bitten-up fingernails,
my well-painted façade
I put on, brand-new, shiny,
each and every morning.
Can you see my soul inside?
Sometimes it’s just a glimmer,
one little shining star
in the midst of ink-black, velvety night.
So please believe me,
when I say “I live to let you shine”
quoting blasé song lyrics
because I’m afraid to tell you how I really feel.
We’re two different people now,
I fear you won’t recognize me,
my dark, angst-ridden eyes
my lips parted, ready
to tell you anything you want to hear.
No, that’s how I was.
Once.
A Student in Japan
A Student in Japan
Oh, to be a student in Japan
in Spring when the cherry blossoms fall.
To skip down walkways strewn with the flowers,
hair blowing in the Jasmine-scented wind.
To twirl my parasol like the white-faced geisha,
tottering around on their training heels,
the men following them in droves.
A true geisha can stop a man with one look,
but could I, if I were a plaid-skirted student,
in Japan in the springtime?
Oh, to be a student in Japan
in Spring when the cherry blossoms fall.
To skip down walkways strewn with the flowers,
hair blowing in the Jasmine-scented wind.
To twirl my parasol like the white-faced geisha,
tottering around on their training heels,
the men following them in droves.
A true geisha can stop a man with one look,
but could I, if I were a plaid-skirted student,
in Japan in the springtime?
“And now our bodies are the guilty ones…”
“And now our bodies are the guilty ones…”
My love, our hands are sinners,
we commit lust with our guilty lips
each time we press them together.
Our touch fills the dark and silence,
our hearts too large for us to contain.
You are my sin, my condemnation,
the guilt I love so well.
My love, our hands are sinners,
we commit lust with our guilty lips
each time we press them together.
Our touch fills the dark and silence,
our hearts too large for us to contain.
You are my sin, my condemnation,
the guilt I love so well.
Butterfly Away
Butterfly Away
Oh to be a butterfly,
spread my wings and learn to soar
if only for a few minutes,
even an hour.
I’m locked up in the remainders of your love,
please, set me free.
Oh to be a butterfly,
spread my wings and learn to soar
if only for a few minutes,
even an hour.
I’m locked up in the remainders of your love,
please, set me free.
Blue Wind
Blue Wind
You’re no solitary blue wind
I swear I’m here with you,
so why are you going through withdrawal?
Your hands shake
I wrap myself in them for warmth,
your cheek against mine
will remind me I’m still alive.
Don’t you see?
It’s not too late.
You’re no solitary blue wind
I swear I’m here with you,
so why are you going through withdrawal?
Your hands shake
I wrap myself in them for warmth,
your cheek against mine
will remind me I’m still alive.
Don’t you see?
It’s not too late.
Destruct
Destruct
Your face is pale in the fluorescent light,
my words are a gun to your heart
my well-intentioned mind has pulled the trigger.
I’m so sorry your life hasn’t turned out quite right,
but you can’t just scream at the moon
it doesn’t have any answers for you.
I’m shattered, I can’t give you any advice
so why even ask?
You’re living a role, my friend,
I can’t break you out
of this prison you’ve built for yourself.
Have you sold your soul to your inner demons
or can I somehow save you?
Your face is pale in the fluorescent light,
my words are a gun to your heart
my well-intentioned mind has pulled the trigger.
I’m so sorry your life hasn’t turned out quite right,
but you can’t just scream at the moon
it doesn’t have any answers for you.
I’m shattered, I can’t give you any advice
so why even ask?
You’re living a role, my friend,
I can’t break you out
of this prison you’ve built for yourself.
Have you sold your soul to your inner demons
or can I somehow save you?
Breakdown City
Breakdown City
She’s living in a Breakdown City,
nothing but heartache
and stale lovers,
the air too fresh
like her wounds,
to combat her shaking sense
of self-worth.
Who are you and why can’t you save me?
She’s living in a Breakdown City,
nothing but heartache
and stale lovers,
the air too fresh
like her wounds,
to combat her shaking sense
of self-worth.
Who are you and why can’t you save me?
Break It Down
Break It Down
I knew you once
so intimately it seemed
you were a part of my soul,
like you were my heartbeat,
my footsteps,
and I was your breath,
slow and steady,
involuntary,
so necessary,
always the same
day in and day out.
Well, who are we now?
Two separate sets of lungs
and hands and lips,
two very different hearts
that no longer beat in sync.
I knew you once
so intimately it seemed
you were a part of my soul,
like you were my heartbeat,
my footsteps,
and I was your breath,
slow and steady,
involuntary,
so necessary,
always the same
day in and day out.
Well, who are we now?
Two separate sets of lungs
and hands and lips,
two very different hearts
that no longer beat in sync.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Don’t Break Me
Don’t Break Me
I need you like a needle needs a vein.
Can’t you hear my blood sing for you?
You’re every note and each new register
that my voice strives to reach,
every fervent waking acid-trip dream
and every single sunrise.
You’re in the sound of goodbye
and hello,
but mostly in the sounds of ‘I love you’s.
You’re my lighthouse beacon
shining in the night,
clearing away the cobwebs of self-doubt.
Can’t you hear the pain laced into my voice
when every word is screaming,
screaming, screaming for you.
My heart is solidly in your hands,
beating to the tune of your sweet nothings.
Don’t break it.
Don’t break me.
I need you like a needle needs a vein.
Can’t you hear my blood sing for you?
You’re every note and each new register
that my voice strives to reach,
every fervent waking acid-trip dream
and every single sunrise.
You’re in the sound of goodbye
and hello,
but mostly in the sounds of ‘I love you’s.
You’re my lighthouse beacon
shining in the night,
clearing away the cobwebs of self-doubt.
Can’t you hear the pain laced into my voice
when every word is screaming,
screaming, screaming for you.
My heart is solidly in your hands,
beating to the tune of your sweet nothings.
Don’t break it.
Don’t break me.
Heart & Soul
Heart & Soul
I hate being helpless,
but I love how you make me feel.
I guess I’m just full of contradictions.
And I know love is a losing game,
you’re trying your valiant best
to keep me from tripping,
slipping,
falling head over heels
in love with you
but it is all in vain.
I am already yours completely,
heart & soul.
I hate being helpless,
but I love how you make me feel.
I guess I’m just full of contradictions.
And I know love is a losing game,
you’re trying your valiant best
to keep me from tripping,
slipping,
falling head over heels
in love with you
but it is all in vain.
I am already yours completely,
heart & soul.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Til Death Do Us Part
Til Death Do Us Part
Your eyes are darker than the night sky,
I’m grasping for excuses not to cry
I feel my soul start slipping by
but I refuse to let myself be taken
my faith in you just can’t be shaken.
If words can fly where do they go?
In another world we’d already know.
This roundabout I’m stuck driving in
circles forever and I’m sinking in.
Don’t let me go now we’ll dive right in,
keep your fingers crossed
not all our hope is lost.
Your hands are all that keep me
from the abyss that is the sea
it’s reaching out to me
I won’t be captured by its charms
I’m only captive in your arms.
If words can fly where do they go?
In another world we’d already know.
This roundabout I’m stuck driving in
circles forever and I’m sinking in.
Don’t let me go now we’ll dive right in,
keep your fingers crossed
not all our hope is lost.
Make me believe in everything you say,
make me believe in a much brighter day.
I’m looking up at the sky
the stars make me want to cry,
because you’ll never be here by my side.
If words can fly where do they go?
And do we already know?
Are we too scared to show it?
This roundabout I’m stuck driving in
circles forever and it’s such a sin,
I can’t stop myself from sinking in,
well don’t let go we’ll dive right in.
Keep those fingers crossed,
now all our hope is lost.
Your eyes are darker than the night sky,
I’m grasping for excuses not to cry
I feel my soul start slipping by
but I refuse to let myself be taken
my faith in you just can’t be shaken.
If words can fly where do they go?
In another world we’d already know.
This roundabout I’m stuck driving in
circles forever and I’m sinking in.
Don’t let me go now we’ll dive right in,
keep your fingers crossed
not all our hope is lost.
Your hands are all that keep me
from the abyss that is the sea
it’s reaching out to me
I won’t be captured by its charms
I’m only captive in your arms.
If words can fly where do they go?
In another world we’d already know.
This roundabout I’m stuck driving in
circles forever and I’m sinking in.
Don’t let me go now we’ll dive right in,
keep your fingers crossed
not all our hope is lost.
Make me believe in everything you say,
make me believe in a much brighter day.
I’m looking up at the sky
the stars make me want to cry,
because you’ll never be here by my side.
If words can fly where do they go?
And do we already know?
Are we too scared to show it?
This roundabout I’m stuck driving in
circles forever and it’s such a sin,
I can’t stop myself from sinking in,
well don’t let go we’ll dive right in.
Keep those fingers crossed,
now all our hope is lost.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Introspective 1
1. I crave introspection, a look inside myself might reveal the spot where you cracked open my ribs and stole my heart away but it might also show my shriveled pride and dying sense of self-worth. I’m a cartoon cut-out paper doll trying to make a name for myself in this oversized 3D world. When I die I want a Death Day party, loud music and party favors. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.
2. You threw me up against the wall. I cracked my head and slipped away into Neverland and I fear I’ll never return but I love the colors so I think I’ll be okay.
3. Moon and stars, sun, clouds, sky, water. I swim through the ocean, I feel the sand between my toes, my eyes are burning in the sunlight. You took my hand and tore my smile but you’re still the one I love deep inside.
4. It’s a beautiful day. We’ll lay outside and feel the grass on our backs and make wishes on clouds that pass us by.
5. We sit around and try to rhyme “orange”, wracking our brains but coming up with nothing. Exasperated, we give up on poetry and write love letters instead.
6. I lon to fly like the hawks that circle lazily in the sky high above my head. Alas, my rooftop is too low and my paper-mache skills too underdeveloped.
7. The sound of Heaven is not of bells chiming or a Hallelujah chorus. To me, the sound of Heaven is your voice whispering sweet nothings in my ear and never stopping. Eternity.
8. May we stay young and semi-innocent forever with our eyes on the stars and our lips spilling praise for our lovers till we can speak no more from throats torn apart with unbridled lust.
9. To me you are a child, wide-eyed and innocent, reaching for me to hold me close and steal my warmth. In your eyes I am heroin, your addiction and your lust, your downfall, but you cannot let me go and I cannot let you down.
10. I will stalk you in the night like a werewolf hunting at full moon. When you run from me, I will pursue you but I will let you run just ahead of me forever.
2. You threw me up against the wall. I cracked my head and slipped away into Neverland and I fear I’ll never return but I love the colors so I think I’ll be okay.
3. Moon and stars, sun, clouds, sky, water. I swim through the ocean, I feel the sand between my toes, my eyes are burning in the sunlight. You took my hand and tore my smile but you’re still the one I love deep inside.
4. It’s a beautiful day. We’ll lay outside and feel the grass on our backs and make wishes on clouds that pass us by.
5. We sit around and try to rhyme “orange”, wracking our brains but coming up with nothing. Exasperated, we give up on poetry and write love letters instead.
6. I lon to fly like the hawks that circle lazily in the sky high above my head. Alas, my rooftop is too low and my paper-mache skills too underdeveloped.
7. The sound of Heaven is not of bells chiming or a Hallelujah chorus. To me, the sound of Heaven is your voice whispering sweet nothings in my ear and never stopping. Eternity.
8. May we stay young and semi-innocent forever with our eyes on the stars and our lips spilling praise for our lovers till we can speak no more from throats torn apart with unbridled lust.
9. To me you are a child, wide-eyed and innocent, reaching for me to hold me close and steal my warmth. In your eyes I am heroin, your addiction and your lust, your downfall, but you cannot let me go and I cannot let you down.
10. I will stalk you in the night like a werewolf hunting at full moon. When you run from me, I will pursue you but I will let you run just ahead of me forever.
Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down
Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down
Petals unfurl into starlight
lighting worlds formed in darkness.
In the underbelly of the world
we are red-eyed demon children,
clinging to the hopes of a love reborn.
Can’t you see this world is dying?
We shatter all our bones
but keep our minds intact,
ripe for the plundering.
They rip our thoughts from our fingertips
while we stand by and watch,
our lips silent and our eyes vacant.
Will you always be silenced?
Nothing but Hell’s minions
slaves to lace trimmed lust,
we all fall down.
Petals unfurl into starlight
lighting worlds formed in darkness.
In the underbelly of the world
we are red-eyed demon children,
clinging to the hopes of a love reborn.
Can’t you see this world is dying?
We shatter all our bones
but keep our minds intact,
ripe for the plundering.
They rip our thoughts from our fingertips
while we stand by and watch,
our lips silent and our eyes vacant.
Will you always be silenced?
Nothing but Hell’s minions
slaves to lace trimmed lust,
we all fall down.
Wilting Roses
Wilting Roses
The night burns bright in your eyes, so dark,
they reflect it back like fire.
I burned all my memories
till there was nothing but ashes,
an entire funeral pyre
disintegrating in the noonday sun,
but your face remains engraved in my cerebrum.
No amount of acid could burn away
the memory of your touch, your kiss.
I am nothing but a sailboat
set adrift upon a stormy sea.
Without you here to tether me,
I am but a shadow, a glimmer of what I once was.
I am wilting roses,
petals floating on summer breezes.
Children gather flowers,
ignoring the blood that streams
as the thorns tear apart their skin,
I am gone.
The night burns bright in your eyes, so dark,
they reflect it back like fire.
I burned all my memories
till there was nothing but ashes,
an entire funeral pyre
disintegrating in the noonday sun,
but your face remains engraved in my cerebrum.
No amount of acid could burn away
the memory of your touch, your kiss.
I am nothing but a sailboat
set adrift upon a stormy sea.
Without you here to tether me,
I am but a shadow, a glimmer of what I once was.
I am wilting roses,
petals floating on summer breezes.
Children gather flowers,
ignoring the blood that streams
as the thorns tear apart their skin,
I am gone.
Magic Realism
Magic Realism
If you dream of me I will appear,
soft-edged as if a dream.
Forget to believe in me I will fade away,
shimmering and glittering as if a cloud of dust.
Even though I only die in your dreams,
my body will cease to exist,
you know I will be no more.
When I am gone,
bury me in your backyard
and plant a seed above my body.
Once it takes root I will come back to you,
growing strong, leafy, and green,
an oak tree to watch over you forever.
I am the ocean in which you swim,
my legs the sand between your toes.
I melt through your fingers
for we can never be.
I am nothing but an endless acid trip.
If you dream of me I will appear,
soft-edged as if a dream.
Forget to believe in me I will fade away,
shimmering and glittering as if a cloud of dust.
Even though I only die in your dreams,
my body will cease to exist,
you know I will be no more.
When I am gone,
bury me in your backyard
and plant a seed above my body.
Once it takes root I will come back to you,
growing strong, leafy, and green,
an oak tree to watch over you forever.
I am the ocean in which you swim,
my legs the sand between your toes.
I melt through your fingers
for we can never be.
I am nothing but an endless acid trip.
Rehab
Rehab
Her bandaged arms are thin and weak
below her rolled-up shirt-sleeves.
Her lips tremble when she speaks,
“these scars help me feel alive”.
In this cold, clinical room
where her only friends are metal folding chairs,
a beautiful young girl is reclaiming herself.
She lost it once, to a boy with soft kisses,
who held her close and whispered
“I will always love you”
but never meant it.
She lost it again, to a bottle of booze,
a handful of pills and a hospital stay,
her mother crying and her father walking away.
But it was the third time she lost it,
that landed her here,
in between the girl who never talks
and the boy who screams at night.
She took the razor to her fragile wrists,
leaving behind nothing but blood-stained bathroom tiles,
a tear-stained note crumpled in her hand.
Her father cried the entire time
as he carried her the three blocks to the hospital.
But now she is finally recapturing her hope,
with every word she chooses so carefully
“I don’t want to hurt anymore”.
She is too thin, too scared,
her hands shake but it’s just the drugs,
she’s crying.
They don’t understand, they never could,
and once they’ve all gone,
she is left dropping tears on the tiled floor.
And in the morning she’ll be gone.
Her bandaged arms are thin and weak
below her rolled-up shirt-sleeves.
Her lips tremble when she speaks,
“these scars help me feel alive”.
In this cold, clinical room
where her only friends are metal folding chairs,
a beautiful young girl is reclaiming herself.
She lost it once, to a boy with soft kisses,
who held her close and whispered
“I will always love you”
but never meant it.
She lost it again, to a bottle of booze,
a handful of pills and a hospital stay,
her mother crying and her father walking away.
But it was the third time she lost it,
that landed her here,
in between the girl who never talks
and the boy who screams at night.
She took the razor to her fragile wrists,
leaving behind nothing but blood-stained bathroom tiles,
a tear-stained note crumpled in her hand.
Her father cried the entire time
as he carried her the three blocks to the hospital.
But now she is finally recapturing her hope,
with every word she chooses so carefully
“I don’t want to hurt anymore”.
She is too thin, too scared,
her hands shake but it’s just the drugs,
she’s crying.
They don’t understand, they never could,
and once they’ve all gone,
she is left dropping tears on the tiled floor.
And in the morning she’ll be gone.
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